Every so often I do something so stupid, so ridiculous, and so bereft of any sort of thought or pre-planning that I have to write a letter to commemorate the occasion and remind myself not to make the same mistake again.
Dear airforcewife (self):
I’m not sure what possessed that lump of jello between the ears that you refer to as a brain into thinking that going grocery shopping after mass would be a good idea. I’m seriously starting to wonder about your fitness as an adult member of society.
To start off with, not only was this a weekend, with weekend shopping crowds, but it was PAYDAY weekend. And you knew it.
Yet you went to the commissary anyway. My sympathy cup seems to be fairly close to empty, here.
Then, to add insult to injury, you took all three of the under-10 children with you. Yes, that’s right. As if barely making it through an hour of CCD followed by an hour of mass wasn’t pushing enough, you took three fidgety children in restrictive clothing who had sugar jitter onset from the after-mass donuts into the packed commissary. Not only that, but two of the three are sick with colds.
Oh, yes, I forgot to add that it’s football weekend, too.
Don’t do it again. Consider yourself duly warned.
This was not one of my finest parental moments. In fact, you may have seen and/or heard a chubby red-headed woman in lime green screaming down the frozen food aisle, "I’m warning you now – KNOCK IT OFF! Or [clenched teeth] so help me I will spank you here in front of God and everybody!"
I usually try to avoid the commissary on weekends, and on payday weekends most of all, like the plague. Unfortunately, we have no food in our house and zero hour had come. Unless I was going to try and whip up a meal out of frozen corn, some curry powder, and half a block of cream cheese – a shopping trip was in order.
I should have just thrown in the towel and had a family fast food day until the commissary calmed down enough for a sane trip tomorrow.
I should have.
And now I remember why I have the "no pay day, no weekend" rule in the first place.