A Letter To Myself

Every so often I do something so stupid, so ridiculous, and so bereft of any sort of thought or pre-planning that I have to write a letter to commemorate the occasion and remind myself not to make the same mistake again.

Dear airforcewife (self):

I’m not sure what possessed that lump of jello between the ears that you refer to as a brain into thinking that going grocery shopping after mass would be a good idea.  I’m seriously starting to wonder about your fitness as an adult member of society.

To start off with, not only was this a weekend, with weekend shopping crowds, but it was PAYDAY weekend.  And you knew it.

Yet you went to the commissary anyway.  My sympathy cup seems to be fairly close to empty, here.

Then, to add insult to injury, you took all three of the under-10 children with you.  Yes, that’s right.  As if barely making it through an hour of CCD followed by an hour of mass wasn’t pushing enough, you took three fidgety children in restrictive clothing who had sugar jitter onset from the after-mass donuts into the packed commissary.   Not only that, but two of the three are sick with colds.

Oh, yes, I forgot to add that it’s football weekend, too.

Don’t do it again.  Consider yourself duly warned.


airforcewife (me)

This was not one of my finest parental moments.  In fact, you may have seen and/or heard a chubby red-headed woman in lime green screaming down the frozen food aisle, "I’m warning you now – KNOCK IT OFF!  Or [clenched teeth] so help me I will spank you here in front of God and everybody!"

I usually try to avoid the commissary on weekends, and on payday weekends most of all, like the plague.  Unfortunately, we have no food in our house and zero hour had come.  Unless I was going to try and whip up a meal out of frozen corn, some curry powder, and half a block of cream cheese – a shopping trip was in order.

I should have just thrown in the towel and had a family fast food day until the commissary calmed down enough for a sane trip tomorrow.

I should have.

And now I remember why I have the "no pay day, no weekend" rule in the first place.

About the Author


airforcewife started her military journey as an Army National Guard wife, but upon experiencing base housing decided to aim high and made the switch to the Air Force. That's worked pretty well for Air Force Family so far, even though airforcewife holds the spouse world record for Come to Jesus talks with various members of the command.

Air Force Family has four children, two pit bulls, and a Mother-in-Law who lost her mind eight years ago. Despite the reputation of pit bulls, airforcewife would like to assure you that her Mother-in-Law is truly the most dangerous of the group, and is banned in more places than the dogs.

airforcewife gets through Air Force Guy's frequent deployments and TDY's by frequently attending her boxing gym, after the chance discovery last deployment that hitting things really does make life better. She also volunteers as the Ambassador for Sew Much Comfort to Bethesda National Naval Medical Center and in a variety of other causes throughout the year.

airforcewife has no idea what the future holds, but decided five years ago that she wants to be Andi when she grows up.

  • I can one up that, afw. I also went after church with the 2 pint-sized family members. It was pay day weekend AND there was a case lot sale on. Oy! Thank God I only need a few things (some of which I forgot in my hurry to get the *#@! out of there) and could get out thru the express lane!

  • Oh, and I also had the same fine parental moment. Lost count of how many times I said, “Knock it off!”

  • LOL! I was going to blog about this same thing. I went to the commissary yesterday against my better judgement. Not smart. I figured since it was pouring down rain that it would keep people home. Nope. I guess their house was as devoid of food as mine was. I waited in line for 25 minutes. Yes. 25 minutes. I met another lady and we decided to tag team while we were standing in line. I finished up my frozen foods and she pushed my cart in line and then I did it for her. Never again. Well, hopefully.
    Oh, and did your commissary get the new self-checkout lines? I am thinking that this was part of the problem. We have 4 self-checkouts and only 4 regular lines now. We are a small commissary, but it just wasn’t enough to handle the number of people. And who wants to self check when you have $200 worth of groceries?

  • MO

    I learned the clenched teeth from my mom, who learned it from her mom, and so on and so forth…lol. I have added a butt pinch. Nobody sees it and when they say Ow why did you do that or what ever they say :P… you look at them like they are nuts and add a “What is wrong with you now” hee hee.

  • Kel

    I just laughed so hard! becuse i have had this lapse in judgement a few tiems over the years. My 2 neighbors nad I have planned a grocery trip this afternoon one of whom is kidless and hte other with a 6 mo old.. then me with 4 kids 4 and under @@..lol. Ya needless to say they offered to shop wiht me to save my sanity!.. I suggested walmart in lue of commisary simply for hte fact it is payday weekend and not a lot of people went yesterday. I do not want to stna don line for 45 minutes with screaming kids begging for disney princess cookies from the bakery.. Nope not gonna do it..lol

  • Andi

    Heh. All you needed to make this trip even more fun was Mr. Andi driving the buggy…

  • Vypergirl

    LOL I have learned that lesson as well! I only had one kid with me, but I only went in for 6 things, all of which I could carry. I ws done grabbing everything in 5 minutes and stood in line for 40 minutes!!!! In the express lane! I go off post if I need stuff on the weekends, even if it does cost twice as much here!

  • angela

    I took my 3 kids to Books a Million. Quiet people sitting around reading and drinking coffee and like an idiot I walk in and expect my kids to be good. Not only did I not get the books on my list I ended up with about $25 worth of kid’s stuff. Never again!!

  • Great letter! I have that same kind of amnesia, too, and occasionally take all my crazies shopping with me. Why?!?!?
    angela – I’m still get a little tremor when I remember the time this summer that I thought a trip to Borders with the kids would be fun. shudder…

  • LOL…went to Borders with my 3 y.o. and my 8 month old to get some books to send to dh. Needless to say the alarm starts going off…yes, it was my daughter. WHY would Borders put books right next to the buzzers that go off when you come in and out of the door? HELLO…do these people have inquisitive children who design these things? I think that stores need to have toddlers test things out for them before they use them. LOL.

  • You all with your commissary stories. I have never been in one. But I just might have to go, on a pay day, just for the experience. I think there is probably one about 45 minutes from me. Do they let doggies in the commissary? That would be a fun family outing! :D

  • Butterfly Wife – Don’t.do.it!!! Believe me, it is an experience you can life without. Since I no longer live near an active base, I do not have access to one and even though the bank account misses it, my sanity doesn’t!

  • I solved this problem by not shopping at the commissary anymore. Since I’ve stopped going there I realize now I have always hated it.

  • Mary

    I have been separated from the commissary for a month. Oh, how I miss some of those price cuts. At the same time, I do not miss the amusement park style lines (2 hour wait from this point). I do not miss the baggers saying loudly that the person who only gave them a dollar will hopefully get a flat tire. I have not divorced the commissary but the mandatory separation might give me time to rethink our relationship and perhaps avoid the marital issues we had in the past.