Army Wives: The Unwritten Code of Military Marriage

A few weeks ago, we added Army Wives: The Unwritten Code of Military Marriage to the SpouseBUZZ Book Club. Tomorrow evening on SpouseBUZZ Talk Radio, we'll be interviewing the author, Tanya Biank, about her book and the Lifetime television series, Army Wives. Tanya's book was the inspiration for the television show.

The book was, at least for me, much more interesting than the television series because it's based on real, tragic and extraordinary events that took place around Ft. Bragg in the summer of 2002. Once I dug in to Army Wives, I couldn't put the book down. 

If you've read the book, you now know that some of the seemingly outrageous storylines depicted in the television show really did happen. The son abusing his mother, the surrogate story, etc.. You have also met the real women behind the characters in the show.

And it was an eye-opener, wasn't it?

In hindsight, I wish we had featured Tanya's book in the Book Club before the television series aired. That would have put some things in perspective for those of us who had not read the book before the series began. On the other hand, there are some advantages in interviewing Tanya after the first season has ended. Tanya recently returned from California where she attended the season finale party for Army Wives, so we'll be talking to her about that, and we'll also get her take on the season finale, which, as you know, left me disappointed...

Those of you who have read the book, what did you think about the book? And, were you as shocked as I was over the ending? Those who haven't read the book, stop here if you don't want to know.

I was shocked that Andrea Floyd, the Pamela character on the show, was murdered by her husband. I didn't see it coming, but I have talked to airforcewife, who will be co-hosting tomorrow night's show, and she was not shocked. I would be interested to read your reaction to this part of the story.

If you want to talk to Tanya about her book or the show, you can be live on-air with her tomorrow evening by calling 646.478.5665. You can also leave questions or comments for Tanya in the comment section of this post, or submit a question through the SpouseBUZZ Yahoo IM group while we're on air tomorrow night.

Block 9:00 - 10:00 EDT off on your calendar tomorrow evening and click here to listen live to the show. Our hour with Tanya Biank is sure to be an interesting one.

Comments

[HomefrontSix]

I mooched the book off my friend and read it in 2 sittings. I had to stop after Rennie's death because I was sobbing so hard. I didn't see it coming and probably could have done without that part right now but oh well.

I saw Andrea's death coming, primarily because of the premise behind the book. After having lived 9 years as an Army wife and getting toward the end of my first full-length deployment, very little surprises me these days. I can't say that anything in the book shocked me. But I did enjoy the book itself.

I wish I could listen in and call in to the show but that time of day doesn't work for me. I'll be listening to the archive as soon as I get a chance though!

[Tressa]

I read the book based on the your recommendation. I thought the book was very good. I am a Navy wife, but a lot of it rang true for our branch too.

I was sobbing when Rennie died. That caught me by surprise more than any part of the book. It made me wonder how I would handle myself in such a situation and I didn't like thinking about that very much.

I wasn't surprised at the ending of the book. The preface led me to believe that at least one of the wives we would get to know would be murdered. However, it was horribly tragic and sad.

I wish that I had the book in front of me(I loaned it to a friend) because there were a couple of things that the author said in the book that I thought she nailed. One of them was about affairs. I don't think the military causes affairs. I do agree with her that it just makes it a lot easier to cheat.

Anyway, thought the book was great. I wish I could listen in but I am on the west coast and that is dinner time. So, I will have to wait for later.

[Ann M.]

Andrea Floyd's murder was something that I had sort of figured out, but it was still awful. Reading about Rennie was sort of like reading our worst nightmares as a spouse come true; very hard get through, but well-written and sensitive to the situation.

I wish Lifetime would have made Frank more like Ski and less of a caricature.

I do have plans for that time tomorrow night, but if they get canceled, I will definitely be there (if not, I'll be listening to the show as soon as it is archived)!

[Andi]

I'm beginning to feel like a dunce. So far, I'm the only one who didn't see Andrea's murder coming. I think the reason for that is that she and Brandon were a constant presence throughout the book. We were almost at the end, and I thought the deaths were behind me (clearly I wasn't keeping track of the body count), so I was shocked to read Andrea was killed by Brandon. Thank God those kids weren't there. There's no doubt they would have been killed as well.

I think Tanya did an excellent job with the Andrea/Brandon deaths. She methodically builds up to the confrontation and then casually drops the bomb, saying something like, "and what happened next is merely a guess on the part of detectives." I had to read and re-read that part. I was truly shocked.

You're both right about Rennie's death though, it was very tough to read and digest.

The origon of Roland was very interesting, I thought.

[Andi]

Ann - great point re Ski and Frank. I liked Ski in the book, but didn't care for Frank on the show. My heart broke for Delores. She seems like such a wonderful lady, wife and mother.

At least they began to soften Frank's non-realistic edges by the time the finale came around. We'll see how he appears next season. Should be interesting.

[Kristen]

I too bought and read the book because you recommended it. I really enjoyed it, and finished it in two sittings. Because the writer had stated up front that there would be a murdered wife, I wasn't surprised by what happened to Andrea. I was actually shocked at the rape, but was expecting the murder.

The thing in the book that knocked me over backwards was the suicide of the son. That broke my heart. I hope that we don't see that in the story line on tv - it would be very hard to take.

I am the wife of an Air Force officer, and I was a little disappointed that the officer's wife in the book was such a vain and self-centered woman. Her main preoccupation in life seemed to be her looks and being admired by men, which made her seem awfully shallow. I know a lot of officer wives, and there are a lot personalities among them, but I haven't met one quite like her.

Overall, I think the tv show has done a good job of pulling the various strands from the book together and presenting them in a different format. I'm looking forward to next season, and to your broadcast with the writer!

[Andi]

Kristen - the rape was just as shocking to me as the murder, oddly. It seemed such a brutal thing to do. Very disturbing. I bought into the detective's theory about why this happened. Awful..

You bring up another point that has fascinated and interested me since I finished the book. Was Andrea Lynne entirely too focused on how men perceived her, or, for whatever reason, was there another point to the seemingly endless discussion about her sexuality and sex life that some of us managed to miss?

A few of us have had off-line discussions about this very point and we seem to be split on how Andrea Lynne came across. For some, Andrea Lynne seemed entirely too focused on her physical appearance and how men perceived her and for others, they felt that the emphasis on her sexuality was simply a part of Andrea Lynne and Rennie's love story. I suppose I can see both sides, but I want to know what Andrea Lynne is really like. Was it her idea to have so much of her sexuality tied into the story, or did Tanya feel it necessary to throw all of it in? We plan to ask Tanya about this tomorrow night.

[Kasey]

I honestly did not like the book. It was reccomended to me as an Army wife moving to Bragg and when I was finished, I was horrified over our PCS. I was moving to a place referred to as 'Fayettnam' and I was literally sick over it.
I didn't find it to be uplifting or realistic at all, but that is just me. I would never reccomend this book to anyone because it was just so much to take. As an Army wife, I wasn't impressed.

[Andi]

Kasey - It's definitely not a "feel-good" book. The book is a true story about some horrific events. This is not a book that is a manual for what it's like to be an Army wife.

"Enjoy" isn't the right word to use here because the book is dark and tragic, but for me, it was a page-turner and a very interesting read.

If you'd like a more uplifting book, try Household Baggage by our friend Marna Krajeski. You will laugh and laugh and appreciate the book very much. See the link below:

http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2007/05/a_conversation_.html

[MO]

I too cried my eyes out when Rennie died. And during the funeral process, oh boy! I just adore this book, it was so kind of these women and their families to share their lives, to reach out to all of us.

- - on another note, I felt I was reading spoilers for the show and feel a bit ashamed to think of true stories as spoilers for a (sort of) fictional t.v. show. Anybody else feel this way?

[Heather S.]

I really ate up the book! I read it before the t.v. series, so I saw a few things coming. I think one of the things I liked best about the book was how Fayetteville really was a character, as the author intended. I had just spent four months living in a dumpy hotel in Fayetteville when I read the book and I couldn't have laughed harder at some of the descriptions! The book really grabbed me. I was drawn into every storyline. I thought that the book was well-written and really got a lot out of reading it.

[Kristen]

Andi, hmmm...that's interesting. Of the four wives, she was the only one that I found dislikable. It seemed that her sole topic of conversation was all the men who made passes at her, both before and after her marriage. At first I found it irritating, but after a while it seemed more pathetic than anything else. I got the impression, however, that Tanya liked her, so there must be some charm in her that escaped me. I'll be curious to see how Tanya answers your question.

[Tressa]

I forgot about the rape. That part shocked me. The whole thing was just disturbing.

I didn't catch the focus on the appearance of Andrea Lynne. I thought of it as part of her and Rennie's love story. I actually thought of her as reserved and private. To me it seemed that the men were attracted to her, but she didn't encourage it. She was focused on Rennie. Maybe I missed something?

[Andi]

Tressa - I don't think anyone is suggesting that Andrea Lynne was encouraging the affection of men, not at all. Clearly, she must be a gorgeous woman and there is no doubt she loved Rennie with all of her heart. Theirs seemed to be a true, passionate love story.

However, the constant references to Andrea Lynne's physical appearance and sensuality left some people with the impression that garnering the affection of men was overly-important to her, whether or not that's a fair assessment. Some felt it was simply gratuitous.

But, on the other side, as this comment thread has suggested, and some of our off-line conversations prove, others didn't view the situation the same way. Just goes to show that everyone takes something different away from the story.

One thing I think we can all agree on is that our hearts broke when Andrea Lynne lost Rennie, and I must say that I admired how she handled herself when she received the news and through the funeral. I can't begin to imagine how hard that must have been on her.

[Kasey]

I did like Household Baggage. :) Defintely a laugh out loud book!

[Sarah]

Kasey -- One of the things I plan on asking Tanya tonight is where the title of the book came from. I, and many other Amazon readers, liked the book just fine, except we were all puzzled why it's called "The Unwritten Code of Military Marriage." It certainly isn't the normal military story! Is the Code of Marriage that you need to watch out or your familiy members might die? I thought the title didn't fit the book very well at all; I was wondering if maybe you might've liked the book more if it hadn't been recommended to you as something every wife going to Bragg should read? I thought it was an interesting and good book, but by no means a reflection of normal Army Wives.

[Dale]

Don't get married if you think you will cheat.

[Jamie Ann]

So I just found the book last night at Barnes and Noble, written as just Army Wives.
First off let me say that I myself am an Army Specialist so I understand the Soldier Side and as a best friend and significant other to another soldier who is currently deployed I understand the feeling of being an Army wife.

Now to the book, I was immensely impressed. I learned things I never really thought of before.

I loved Rita's part the most as she grew and learned so much and put herself out there for the unexpected and accomplished so much.

Andrea Lynne was easy for me to understand what other call her being 'vain' or 'self-centered' as a High officers wife she was a big example in the community.

Delores is a strong woman who delt with more than should be asked, to have a son die so young would be tragic. Her strength to pull thru is impressive.

I saw Andrea Floyd's murder coming because of not only the Prologue but also because of the strain. The rape was not suprising either as men like Brandon like to dominate others.

I cried both for Gary Shane and Rennie. Rennie's death could be fore seen if you paid attention to Andrea Lynne's worries of death looming.

I feel for all Soldiers and their families as I have been thru many similar experiences. I applaud the strength they all show in enduring.

I understand cheating is a major issue in the Military and am like Rita when I say I don't agree with it. Love and Marriage are sacred and nothing but extreme's should pull those apart.

I myself have not seen the T.V. Series but after reading the book I'm interested in seeing how its portrayed.

I didn't know about this site until after I read the book as I didn't know the book even existed until yesterday. I love the book and I'm glad I can discuss it.