Vent

I want SpouseBUZZ to be an empowering place, a place where we celebrate the positive side of life.  I think we do that on a daily basis, and I pride myself in constantly trying to find the good in a crappy situation.  But it's also supposed to be a place where we can talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly.  And today, we active duty Army spouses have some ugly to deal with.

Army Tours Extended to 15 Months

You guys need a place to vent?

Comments

[Andi]

Yes, it is ugly and I think all of our hearts sank a bit when we heard the news.

Something else that's ugly is the manner in which we found out. I do hope the person inside of the Pentagon who took it upon himself to leak this information before military families were told is caught and exposed. This is a tough thing for military families to swallow and they don't deserve to hear about it from the news media.

[Tracie (Navy wife)]

I feel enraged by this and enraged for you Army spouses as a fellow military spouse. And who is to say that they won't change things for the other branches. I know my husband never anticipated being deployed to Iraq on the ground being that he is in the Navy and now we are in the beginning of a year separation. I don't know what I can say that will make anyone feel better because it just plain sucks, and as usual, the method you find out these things sucks just as much. I've been a military spouse for 7 years now and I can't say that I've ever been impressed with the communication system in the military. It's always last minute this, or after the fact and from the worst source. But I digress. Vent on and know that I am empathizing with you as much as I can.

[liberal army wife]

yeah. it sucks. the way we found out, sucks. this is what they did to us in the MN NG, and as for the jerk who leaked it... in our case we haven't heard diddly about that at all.

My DH was going to go Active Army.. I'm not sure I am really ok with that now. How much more are we supposed to take? how much more can we give right now?

LAW

[MN NG Wife]

I feel your pain, the MN National Guard soliders in Jan also got extended another four months from April until August and we also found out from the news stations first, so with the extension the guys will have gone 23 months since they left for training in Sept-Oct 05. An extra long time for the families & soliders to be gone.

[MN NG Wife]

LAW:
I just read the link to your post back in Jan and I felt most of the same feelings then in Jan also. I am fortunate to be part great FRG and have made some great friends thru all of this so we were all able vent our feelings together. Shopping & drinks together also helped.
I always enjoy reading your posts.

[Deirdre]

Im right there along with you girls... And this is BS hearing this on the news is the WORST way to hear it, I spent about 2 hours goin did they or didnt they yesterday.. It sucked it really really really just plain bites.. Did you get that?...I tend to crack jokes when angry belive me I had them rolling on the post yesterday with my im's... AND as for who is doing this to US...we need a full investigation with various body parts cut off and shipped to US the famlys.. I will proudly display my piece of this coward who leaked this...
I think I might be a tad angry....But but mine resigned the same day... good thing this didnt come out before he signed those reup papers.. My prayers to you all...

[RedLegMeg]

Am I upset? Yes. Am I angry? Heck yes. Am I going to suck it up and move on? Of course! Doesn't mean I'll be happy about it, but I'll do what I have to just like the rest of you out there.

LAW, I can certainly understand why you'd want your DH to reconsider going Active upon redeployment. JD has always said he'd retire at 20 and I never really believed him. Things have changed, though, and it's a pretty good bet that he'll be done in four years. That is if they'll let him drop his retirement paperwork...

[angela]

I just told my kids that their dad wouldn't be home until June of 2008. My oldest looked at me and said "but mom we haven't even had a June of 2007 yet". I think the people who make all these decisions should have to see the looks on our kids faces when we tell them. They have no idea what we deal with. My husband said there is no way he will reenlist. He said they could offer him anything and it won't be worth missing out on our kids growing up.

[Getta]

I just don't think it is fair. The only branch of the military that deploys for an entire year to start with is the Army. Granted there have been a few other times when other branches have been there that long, but 95% of the time it is ONLY Army. My husband was supposed ot be home in July, now he won't be home till the end of October. We have been married 4 years October 11th and he has had to be gone for every anniversary. Not to mention our 15 month old daughter who will be 21 months when he comes home and will have only physically seen him 6 weeks of her entire life. Do they not get it? I'm on the dems on this one, I support my husband and the troops, but I want him home. 2 deployments back to back and now an extension? That's BS.

[dizzylizzie]

I'm absolutley FURIOUS! POSSITIVELY LIVID DOESNT EVEN COME CLOSE TO WHAT I AM FEELING TODAY!!! not only to find out about the extention but to find out of the F*^&ING NEWS! the army didnt even have the BALLS to tell us wives themselves they had to let the media deliver us this punch in the face. its a big ole F.U! curtosey of the army. they can start a war but they cant even tell us wives face to face their plans for our husbands. *spits out string of deleted explitives*

[dizzylizzie]

getta, this is my husbands THIRD tour in to iraq four years! and i also learned yesterday, they're already scheduled to GO BACK NEXT (SEPT-NOV) FOR A FOURTH TOUR!

[Heather B]

"Am I upset? Yes. Am I angry? Heck yes. Am I going to suck it up and move on? Of course! Doesn't mean I'll be happy about it, but I'll do what I have to just like the rest of you out there."
Exactly Meg.

Honestly, I didn't even realize it had been "leaked"--our FRG didn't share that detail, but they probably will in the meeting coming up in two weeks. What I am REALLY irritated about isn't the method of delivery, or the news itself--it's how it is "defended" by the claim that it will insure that our soldiers will have a minimum of 12 months ago home before they can be deployed again.

...

Yeah right. DH & I have only been in this for a year but I already know how well that "promise" will hold up..

But in all honesty.. I don't really have much in the way of "vents" apart from what I just typed. What I REALLY needed was just to read a post on spousebuzz about it. If there's a post on spousebuzz about it, I know I can handle it. I know I'm not alone, and that I can survive. It was only the 24 hours between reading the news release/talking to our FRG leader, and relogging back in here on spousebuzz.com that I felt cut a-drift and unsure exactly how to really feel about it all. Thank you bloggers for making me feel not so lost.

[navywifemeg]

Ya know what's worse about the whole situation? I'm overseas and I was flipping through the AFN channels and caught a military sponsored news clip saying that the media was OVERREACTING and that the extension is a RUMOR. Seriously? They are going to deny it now?
ughh...

[Heather S.]

This is simply heartbreaking. I feel so fortunate that this isn't our 3rd tour in four years...I can't even put into words how extraordinarily unfair that is! The government has broken its contract with American soldiers--over and over again. From the IRR recalls (which include RETIRED personnel and people on DISABILITY) to the multiple deployments to the extensions to stop losses to leaving early to lack of equipment and inadequate training...the government has absolutely FAILED the men and women who so valiantly and proudly serve our country.

[Jen D]

I guess I'm not so upset about the extention. I went into this deployment knowing it would be 12-18 months. This just confirms what I was already planning on. What I don't think is fair is that the Army already has the longest tours and rarely has enough down time between deployments. Why only raise the deployments of the ones that already have the longest? Why not raise the deployments of other services as well to help out the Army? They say this is to make it more fair, but I think it is only fair if other services have longer tours as well. (Hope I didn't offend anyone in other branches, that is not my intention)

Heather B- I agree that the Downtime promise will most likely not pan out how it should.

[Tracie (Navy wife)]

For anyone interested in what the other branches are doing to assist the Army in this war, I recommend reading the following article. http://www.northwestnavigator.com/index.php/navigator/news/fltcm_speaks_with_ia_sailors/ The Navy is helping out by contributing its sailors as "individual augmentees" deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti and other countries. My husband is one of these "IA's" deployed for a year to Iraq. I'm just posting this for information, not to stir the pot. I think many of us Navy wives would even agree that the Army has been unfairly burdoned with the longer deployments, plus doing the more dangerous jobs in fighting this war. My heart goes out to all of you and I cry and get frustrated for you.

[Kel]

Ya.. im angry, im upset, i want to scream, but i have to deal with it. Dh will miss A LOT wiht it being 15 months instead of 12 and people are lie. but its ONLY 3 more months.. and im like you say ONLY like its 3 days.. 3 months could mean a second christmas, birthday , first day of school anniversary, etc.. But we all know what its like and we all have to stand strong together and support one another through this. it wont be easy but its doable...what is it that marna says in household baggage. "i'm complaining, not mutunous" i think that fits the situation!

[angela]

My son will turn 3 in just a few weeks and my hubby won't be home until after he turns 4. He will miss out on ALL of our son's year 3. My girls are a little bit older, but at my son's age he won't be a baby when his daddy gets back, but a little boy getting ready for pre-k. Plus that whole 12 months at home before he leaves again is a bunch of crap. I don't know about your spouses, but even when mine is "home" he really is never there. He is always out in the field for weeks at a time and I guess that time counts as the 12 months home time. Plus there are times when he gets home after the kids have gone to bed and up and gone before they wake up. There was a week one time when my kids asked when daddy was coming home and he wasn't even gone anywhere. I realized that they hadn't seen him for days and because he was getting in so late and they thought he was in the field. If that is the 12 month home time they are talking about then we are really getting cheated. Thanks that felt good to say!!!

[liberal army wife]

this topic has really emphasized the great service this site offers to those of us in the greater military family. We are not alone. We are not nuts to feel this way. There are others out there who understand, that we can listen to and will listen to us. Thanks for being here.

LAW

[CaliValleyGirl]

How do I feel about this extension? Well, it’s not something that immediately affects me, so my personal reaction is quite different from someone who is in the thick of it. My fiancé has deployed twice already, and depending on how long this war lasts, he will most likely deploy again.

I feel frustrated because firstly, I know that the longer deployments only have one benefit: less logistics in moving units back and forth. The negatives outweigh the positives: after about 8 months, the soldiers start losing their edge, they just want to get back home, any kind of hooah they had about the situation trickles away, surviving becomes the mission. And the families back home are drained the longer the deployment gets, the family unit misses their soldier, but also functions without them. It puts an unbelievable strain on families and spouses. And in the long run this will lead to more and more soldiers leaving the army, because the personal cost is too high. Even if they may feel it is worth it, they can’t stand to see their families having to deal with it. So some will choose to leave. And this creates an even bigger strain on those who are still left in. So in the long run this is a very bad strategy. If they had shorter deployments and just made them more often, like the Brits do, or other branches of the military, it would be easier to swallow than an absence of 15 months or more.

Having said that, I am not angry with the Army about this. I am not angry with the Republicans or the Democrats. I am angry with the apathy of the general public. I am angry that a small percentage of the US is carrying this huge burden. I am angry that most people in their day to day lives don’t really care about what is going on in Iraq or Afghanistan, but complain that gas is more expensive, but really their lives haven’t change one iota since the 2003. And then they pretend to argue on my behalf saying it’s criminal that families have to celebrate holidays without their soldiers…like that is something new to military families. I am angry with the great divide between the American public and the military. How they regard us somewhat like a snarling dog that they are embarrassed about, but expect to be at their beck and call whenever they need us, and then shut us away when they don’t. And then when things don’t go as well as planned, they can blame it on the military. And yes, the military is like a dog, it will remain faithful and loyal to its nation, even when kicked around.

So that’s how I feel about it.

[SigGal]

Oh, spouses of the deployed or those going to deploy - I'm so sorry you are having to deal with yet another change in your life plans.

This blog is the best - exactly what folks need, especially the ones who are isolated from military bases. Starting a Vent blog - PERFECT! You guys rock.

BTW, When 3ID was being extended (way back in 2003), we heard it from the New York Times and the sheize hit the fan back at FT Stewart. You'd think they'd get it straight by now?? We wanted our information to come from OUR OWN channels - not the friggin NYT!!! When the Alaskan unit was extended Pentagon Public Affairs folks went to talk to the families AHEAD of it going public. Then they ran a piece interviewing some of the family members who basically said, yeah, it stinks, but I support him and don't want to add to his stress blah blah blah.... There was hardly any uproar because the families were treated with dignity. As it should be!

[mismysailor]

I wasn't sure what to write when I first saw this post but after reading CaliValleyGirl's post I have to say she pretty well summed it up for me!

[LAW]

CaliValleyGirl - yeah, what SHE said..

I am so tired of being the dog in the back yard, the accident on the side of the road, the one they look at with pity, hoping that they wouldn't be there too. Unless they do feel this in their world, nothing will change.

LAW

[mismysailor]

Well said LAW, no one wants pity just understanding of how it would feel if it was them in this situation!

[Kel]

Law ~ i have to agree.. i feel like someone just shot my dog with how some members of his family and friends back hoem have been calling me with the first htign out of their mouth is.. Are you alright.. im like im fine my husband is still home ask someone who's husband was supposed to come home in 2 or 3 weeks.. @@

[JennH - Stryker Spouse]

SigGal - My husband was one of the Alaskan soldiers extended last summer - 24 hours before his return flight home. We found out about the extension from CNN -not from the Pentagon. The Pentagon sent over the "placate the spouses" team to offer to assist with PCS/TDY, etc questions about 3 weeks AFTER the fact.
I know how everyone's been feeling; like I mentioned, it wasn't that long ago I was going through it, too. All I could do was take a deep breath, hug my kids, and keep walking forward. (With the occasional bout of tears at 3:00am...)

[SigGal]

Hey JennH - thanks for the real deal. I learned what I said at some PAO briefing, so I guess they were just tooting their own horn. They were briefing it as "the right thing to do" - like that was the model for future bad news to families back home.

So, thanks for setting the record straight. I trust the soldiers and families who lived through it.

What is so hard is all of the hopes and plans and dreams folks have been holding onto - like having dad around for the kids summer off from school. It may sound like a small thing, but when 3ID was extended it meant that the guys came back in late August and the kids were back in school. We had all just been tracking on having summer vacations as a family, dropping the kids at Grandmas for our second honeymoon, some were planning a move to another duty station... It just felt so disrespectful.

Shame on any company that doesn't offer refunds of plane tickets, won't change cruise dates without a fee, etc. And what about those who were going to PCS this summer to get to the next place and get on with life (schools, jobs for spouses...). I just feel for everyone. I wish military families could be spared those extra insults to injury that go along with this kind of news.

[Heather S.]

This conversation is so great! I agree that civilians need to shoulder some of the burden for this war...how else will anything change? sigGal...you got it right--any company that doesn't offer refunds or change tickets/plans without a fee in light of deployment changes is shameful. I've never found one that does help out. Anybody have suggestions of good travel/vacation companies to deal with? Or other companies as well? I've found most businesses completely unhelpful to military families.

[liberal army wife]

make your reservations through USAA. I think they understand us best of all, and I have heard (caveat here, I haven't needed to do this lately, so I am unsure if this is still valid) they have good trip insurance and consider involuntary extensions of orders as a covered reason for cancellation. I don't work for USAA, I'm just a member.

And if a company won't refund.. your local newspaper or better yet local TV station usually has a reporter who is some sort of advocate type, who would LOVE to get this kind of story and shame them into it.

LAW

[wendy]

I also am ticked by the manner in which this info was put out to us! As far as the extension itself tho, I had to think of the units that have been over there two or even three times already! If this extension keeps them home, then I guess I am reluctantly 'ok' with it. As for you spouses whose soldiers have already been deployed more than once AND are also now being extended...MY Heartfelt anger over it for you!!!

[Diane Noga]

My husband is an army reservist who is currently deployed to Iraq. His unit was activated for 14 months, 2 months training up at Camp Shelby then 12 months overseas (only 4 months left). His unit had 4 days leave between Shelby and overseas, they had all made flight reservations and then the leave dates were changed. The commander advised us that if an airline gives you a hard time about changing your reservation, or wants to charge you for changing you need to remind them that December 17. 2003 President Bush sign HR 2115 in which the President and Congress asked all airlines to offer flexible terms that allow members of the Armed Forces on active duty the ablilty to purchase, modify, and cancel tickets without restrictions or fees. If the customer service rep that you speak with is not familiar with HR 2115 ask to speak with a supervisor. I am including a link to Blue Star Mothers which has more info on this resolution. Good Luck to all of you.

http://www.bluestarmoms.org/airfare.html

[Amy]

I'm one of the alaskan spouses that got the news about my husband being extended, He only had 4 and a half months till he was to return home and we get the awful news that he was extended. So another 9 months without him and another xmas without him. It mad me feel awfull when i heard my son yelling in his room ( I DON"T EVEN HAVE A DAD ANYMORE) He's never home with us. Why does this have to happen. I didn't know what to say to him. I was shocked. It hurt's when we don't understand how do does Mr. Bush think it makes the kids feel about the situation. The extension sucks!!!!

[Ser]

I'm not sure of this 15 month thing, especially since I have a bunch of our friends now deploying for what they are told is a 20 month deployment. I don't know what to believe anymore, but I definitely do not want my husband re-enlisting. Heck no. No amount of money in the world is enough.

[Karen]

I think the 15 month deployment is not fair to our Army soliders at all why not let other branches go there for 15 month tours,whats good for one branch is good for other branche's. My husband has 2 back to back tours in 2 yrs. Plus now the army sent him to school in the states now that is more time apart My children always ask me when is daddy going to get to stay home and spend time with us.When they see family's they get sad because Daddy is not home15 months is way too long why not shorten it to 6 month's like the Navy. Or why don't the people in Washington who decided this let them leave there families for 15 months and see how they deal with not seeing there loved one or children for a year and a half...I bet they couldn't even do it!! I say no to 15 months too many divorce's and cheating going on when spouse's are away breaking up families too much time in Iraq...Send the soliders home for the sake of the children....

[Cathy]

I am so glad I found this site. My fiance is currently in Iraq and we had our wedding planned for September. Now I don't know what to tell anyone. I don't have any idea when we'll be able to get married. This is the 3rd time we've had to change the date. This is his 4th tour and he's already scheduled to redeploy. Before he reupped, he had asked me if I wanted him to get out, but I knew he wanted a military career and I told him to do what he wanted in his heart. I am so regretting that now. I don't even know who to be mad at anymore....mostly I'm just resigned to the whole situation. Make no mistake, I'm not happy about it...just resigned.

I'm a retired army brat (and proud of it). I love our military. It's all I've ever known. But this is beyond ridiculous. My fiance said they expect alot of "severe" reactions, from the soldiers, to the news. Oh, and they already got their memo ... 95 days extension. Does anyone in the Pentagon or Washington even THINK about the soldiers anymore or are they only caught up in their politics? Sorry I'm rambling, I got so much going round in my head right now. I just want to say THANK YOU for setting up this site. Even though I'm not a spouse yet, it's good to remember that I'm not the only one feeling this way. My prayers for all your loved ones who are serving...

[MENGWIF2007]

If it is one thing I have learned this deployment is count on nothing and expect everything. My Soldier is due home in July at least that is his ETA. My life has been one rollercoaster after another. Thank goodness for my Battle Buddy. 15 months is not realistic! Our hopes are up to the last stretch and then via the news we find out they could get told as little as 5 minutes before they board the planes to come home that they have to stay. Our Army families need more than just the news dropping the emotional bomb on us, we need the direct contact of our unit support system and they need the direct contact of Washington. How about they go over and spend that 15 months with our men and women. Then they can have a right to have an opinion. Don't they think that is going to be taxing on their mental outlook and moral? It is time we all send the Senate our Flat daddies and introduce them to the faces of families that are the ones who are doing the time! Don't get me wrong I support my Soldier and am proud that he is doing his duty. Proudly serving my Soldier! God Bless all the families!

[DixieKGirl]

This news has infuriated me. Why do they take the branch of service that already has the longest deployments, and choose to extend them? Now the Army's deployments are twice as long as anyone else's. They could solve the problem of not having enough soldiers by first taking the branches who have shorter deployments and extending them by 3 months. Then they would *almost* be as long as a standard Army deployment. We lucked out I guess since ours was over before this happened. But my husband left December 2005 and returned December 2006. A 3 month extension for us would have meant 2 Christmases, our 2nd and 3rd anniversaries (so spending the 1st and 4th together) among other things. My friend's husband leaves in August and she is due to give birth to their first child in November. So he can likely take R&R for the birth, but will basically leave a pregnant wife and come home to a 1 y/o he knows nothing about. And I'm sorry but photos and emails and even home videos are NOT the same as knowing your child. Another friend whose hubby deployed with mine and returned in December, will be saying goodbye to him for another tour in July. A year at home between deployments my A$$.

I guess that's my piece, I feel a little better now. It just totally baffles me that our congress and senate doesn't think they should give all branches the same deployment times instead of making one twice as long as all the others. But I guess that would make too much sense. Proudly loving my husband and serving our country, and pregnant with our unit's first deployment baby-
DixieKGirl

[Nancy]

I don't want to piss everyone off but...when a person takes a job, any job, they know that sometimes things are not going to go smooth. My soldier has been to Iraq for two, year long deployments and is going back again in September. She looks at it as "i entered the Army knowing what the Army does", the same as if she had become a fireman or police officer or a factory worker like me (her mother). Sometime emlpoyers make the employees do extra time and extra work, the emplyees are compensated for it. I work at a car plant that has mandatory over time. Some times I go to work expecting to work a forty hour week and then they tell us, last minute of course, that we are working 12 hour days 7 days a week until we reach the goal they have set. No one likes it. But when we took our jobs we knew we had to do what the employer asked. I live with my daughter and her family and we miss her as much as you wives miss your men. But it's the job she chose and she will do as they ask, even though she hates it and complains as much as your men do, because that is what she agreed on when she entered the army. We have to look at the deployments the same as an office worker has to look at long hour days, it goes with the job you accepted. I will miss her and cry for her and count the days until she returns but I also am very proud to say she is serving in Iraq AGAIN. We are the "home of the free because of the brave", we all need to remember that.

[Serenity Musico]

Yeah this stinks and would like to know how this is going to make things better. My husband just got back from Iraq less then 6 months ago and he is about to leave in less then a month and to find out he is going to be gone for 15 months. But a week after my husband came home from Iraq I got pregnant. So now my husband will not be able to come home when the baby is born and wont be home till after out son is a year old. Just wish that someone would work with my husband to be home when his son is born!!!!

Seren

[Crystal]

I am frustrated by the extension. My husband was supposed to be home in October, and now it's going to be end of next January. It's sad to see that the administration can think of no other way to implement their policies than to drive our military into the ground. It is a breach of promise as far as I'm concerned...the 12 month on-12 month off situation was supposed to be what we counted on, now they're telling us that they are changing it to 15 months for OUR benefit??!! So that we can know exactly when our soldiers are coming and going??! Give me a break.

Nancy...I have a comment for you. I am sad that you feel like you have to "remind" the SPOUSES on this site that "this is the home of the free because of the brave." That comment alone lets me know that if you feel the need to tell a military spouse that, then you are obviously NOT walking in our shoes. Also, working an extended workday for a couple of weeks is such a HUGE difference than an extension of several months...especially in a warzone, especially when children are concerned and they want to know why dad's not coming home. If you don't get it fine, but please don't presume that you can lecture us about our disgruntled venting...your pain is NOT the same as ours, don't confuse it.

[Debra Steele]

I am sorry that the Army has been extended. However, there are many that have already served 15 months at one time, including my husband who just returned Friday after being gone since February of last year. Trust me it was a difficult time for me. We have six children and I have a medical condition that does not allow me to be 100%. My husband has served in the Air Force for over 22 years and he indicated that when you join the military you know the possibility of deployments. So I do sympathize with those families, but I also knew exactly what I was getting into when I married a military man. Especially since I served in the Marines myself years ago. My email is not intended to make anyone mad. I just want you to see both sides of the spectrum. My husband although AirForce already served 15 months and has been deployed to 27 countries. All of your spouses will be in my thoughts and prayers. Remember our freedom does not come free. If it were not for the brave men and women of today and of the past, we would not have the liberties we do today.

[Diane]

Hi...ok, so you want to vent...do it to Congress! If they could only see this site, and see what we're going through...maybe they'd make a change.

You can got to congress.org, type in your zip code, and it'll come up with your reps to email. Or you can email the president and the vice president. You can also Google your representatives and email their offices directly. You can also call 1-866-340-9281, which is the Capitol Switchboard, and you can get connected to any Congressional office you want.

These are GREAT ways to let the administration and Congress know what you're thinking! Do your venting there, that way they can no longer say that the military is fine with the extension or the war, or whatever.

[Tess]

Great job sharing your thoughts everyone...calivalleygirl well said. My thoughts after reading what you are feeling and experiencing is thinking of positive solutions, ya church, family, exercise, education, FRG and their support to maintain and get through time OR what about calling or writing letters to the Senators or Reps that you reside in telling exactly what you have stated here and suggest that you will be moving into their house for 15 months or until your spouse steps foot into your home and call CNN, New York Times, FOX and other liberal MEDIA when you are at the doorsteps with children and bags in hand. Look at it as just another PCS!
PS I need to write back at another time when I am not so upset by what the ARMY continually puts up with.
armyspouse

[Kyrie]

Well, I knew when my husband reenlisted (he'd been out of the Army for 11 years) that things like this were a possibility.

I know that my pain is not the same as many of yours, because my only child is grown. He is, however, shipping out for basic training in a week, so I'll have him to worry about now too.

Do I think it's unfair? Perhaps in that it's only the Army that's getting these extensions, sure. But I went into this part of our lives knowing that he would be deployed on 2 hours notice and not counting on ANYTHING. My husband really drilled it into my head that NOTHING in the Army is certain until it happens. So, for me this is just one more example of that.

My husband left in January, and I'd rather know NOW that it's going to be 15 months than find our sometime in December. I really feel for the families whose soldiers were due home this month and are just getting this news.

If I appear like I don't care, that's not true at all. I just know that I can't do anything to change this. I pray, I send packages, and I thank God for email and cell phones. I really can't imagine how our foremothers got through times like this, not hearing from their husbands for weeks/months at a time.

So, vent away, knowing that those of us whose burdens are "less" are still standing with you here.

[Kathleen Grover]

Not a spouse--mom of three activd duty soldiers and the designated guardian under the Family Care plan for our grandchildren. This stinks big time, especially the downright insulting manner in which it's being conveyed to the families.
In the larger context, it is also a clear indication that the military, especially the Army, is in trouble and stretched way too thin. I never thought I'd say it as a child of the '70s, and mother of three non-military sons, but we need a draft. Put the sons and daughters of Congress and the administration in the Gulf for 15 months and we might see some more realistic policies.
And an unrelated comment....no way does it even come close to comparing to what y'all are going through, but my state-side dual military son and d-in-love and the others at their post are facing mandatory 6 day work weeks--try finding affordable daycare for that extra day, never mind trying to have any time with the kids on weekends. They are both career with over 10 years in, but they've already decided one of them has to get out next time. And they aren't alone.
I'll keep praying for all our troops and their families.

[Crystal]

I am so pissed about this too. This is my husbands first deployment and it is killing my family. I dont know how to deal with this anyway and then I read on the first page of the newspaper that I have to deal with it an extra three months.

[Carrie]

Of course no one is happy with the end result. Many families will suffer; children will suffer, marriages will suffer, spouses will suffer. Before complaining, I always stop and tell myself that this is my husbands job. Have I always agreed with putting the job before the family, No, but this is HIS job and I support him. There have been times that he has spoke of getting out so that our family can be together. I am highly against him getting out. This is his career, as my career is teaching. I can't give up, nor can I quit because times are rough, or students are having bad days, or I don't like the extended school year plan. My only suggestion is support, support, support. If you want to grumble do it with your friends or your family, or on here, not when your spouse calls home.

[Carrie D.]

My fiance fortunately lucked out and we aren't affected by the extention but I wasn't sure at first if it applied to us or not at first. Like I said we got lucky and my heart goes out to everyone that this did apply to. My big thing too was how they broke the news. I told my friends that what I thought should happen is that the person who was going to leak the story in the Pentagon should be fired and loose all priviledges and benefits associated with their job. All of this should happen of course, right at supper time on the evening news. They don't need to tell that person or their family that they are being fired. They can just find out while watching the news at the same time as everyone else in the country. They'd still be better off considering they would at least be together with their family when they found out and not asleep in bed because of an 8 hour time difference. Just my personal opinion. Gosh, I sound a bit "eye for an eye" don't I.

[Army wife who thinks this extension really bites]

Thank you CaliValleyGirl! That's exactly how I feel. Although I can say that before my husband joined that I was just like all the rest because I didn't know anyone in the military. It's frustrating how people slap a sticker on their bumper saying we support the troops and that's the extent of their "support." These people have no idea about what military families go through. They don't get to hear the stories about husbands missing entire years out of their children's lives. Mine will miss the next 2 Christmases in a row thanks to this extended deployment crap. It seems like as soon as our lives return to some kind of normal after a deployment, it is time for them to go out to the field and train for weeks on end and then deploy again. Frustrating, I tell ya!!!!

[Jennifer]

This is how I am looking at it too. "I am not angry with the Army about this. I am not angry with the Republicans or the Democrats. I am angry with the apathy of the general public. I am angry that a small percentage of the US is carrying this huge burden. I am angry that most people in their day to day lives don’t really care about what is going on in Iraq or Afghanistan, but complain that gas is more expensive, but really their lives haven’t change one iota since the 2003. And then they pretend to argue on my behalf saying it’s criminal that families have to celebrate holidays without their soldiers…like that is something new to military families. I am angry with the great divide between the American public and the military."

[Esther Stormer]

My grandson had been home only 6 months, now he's extended..what the heck?

[Kathy Lustig]

This so sucks!!! My husband was going to home the end of aug. and now not until the end of nov. We have 4 girls and they wake up in the middle of the night wanting daddy. I miss him so much and I know I have to deal with it but no one said I have to be happy about it. This is my kids and my first deployment and Im learning alot and so glad there is a place for us military wifes to vent or even read what other familys go through. Im also tired of my family telling me to suck it up and go on, and you knew what you were getting into when he signed up for the military. Sorry you dont know what its like until you have to go through it and then it hits reality. Im still confused and lost. My husband left Aug., and came home for my emergiency surgery in Oct. He went back to Iraq beging of Nov. and now our girls have to sufer through a whole year without seeing daddy. Now he wont be home till Nov 07.

[Jennifer]

Ok, I understand your frustrations ladies, but where were all of you when the 3,ooo MN Nat'l Guard soldiers were extended for 125 days? Those soldiers were deployed from their families for 18 months and THEN extended 4 additional months. We wives found out about this extension via email before our spouses knew anything about it. My daughter was promised that her Daddy would be home for her 5th birthday, and now we will be lucky if he makes it home to see her off to her first day of school. Yes, it is hard, but most importantly, instead of complaining about it, spend your energy trying to help each other. As active military spouses you have way more resources available to you, your children, your communities, and your clergy members- use them and use them now before you let your anger and frustration take over.
This is coming from someone who has been through this and will, hopefully, be coming to the end of a 23 month deployment SOON!

[Paula Steingiesser military wife and mom]

As a military wife and mom, I have just about seen it all. My husband was active duty for 11 years and is now in the Guard for 11 years and is preparing to go over. Our three sons are Army, Navy, and Air Force and they each have been over twice. This extension is lousy. One of our NG units here in Southern California, came home in December to find out in Febuaury that they are going back in May. I understand the frustration that is happening. Sadly there is not a lot we as spouses and family members can do. As for The Pentagon's slow response in placating us spouse and parents, it seems to me we should be using the Army Family Action Plan forms to make some positive suggestions on how to fix this problem. For the National Guard, it is Guard Family Action Plan, Your Family Readiness Coordinator should be able to get you these forms. My first suggestion to the Pentagon is to have teams on the ground here at home to assist with dealing this transition before they give the news to our troops and the imbedded media gets it as quickly as it is given. As we sit back and watch these extensions happening here in Southern Californis, a catch phrase has developed..." Embrace the suck" as there just is not a lot we can do about it. People, keep venting here as taking it to your service member will only add to thier frustation and they have a enough to worry about. Doesn't matter what branch you are connected to, we are all in it together!

[RedLegMeg]

Jennifer, I just want to let you know that we (SpouseBUZZ) were here when the announcement was made about the MN NG extension. I'm including a link to the previous post courtesty of Andi and one of our loyal readers/commenters, LAW.

http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2007/01/dealing_with_se.html

Best of luck to you in the coming months and know that my thoughts are with you and the other MN NG families.

[Carmen]

I am very much in love with my husband, he has been in for 13 years. He is used to being gone, been to Iraq before as well. However we havent been married that long and he deploys next month. Ive never been away from him more than a week. In his past deployments, he has never had to leave with a sig. other behind. This already will be new to us. He was checking his email when we saw the headline. Last time they sid 9 months it was 15, guess Ill have to prepare for our first time away to be seperated up two two years so i dont get let down in the end. I find it odd that they can act like o they extend it but theyll pull out at the end of the year. Its really probably that the guys there noe, with thier extension are coming home at the end of the year and they can claim thats the troops they pull out. Shady. Anyhow wish me srength on my first time and I will be with all in thoughts for you and yours,
Carmen

[Jessica]

After four deployments in five years I can finally say that enough is enough! My husband's contract will be up soon but of course the military is forcing him to stay in due to a stop loss. Now they are going to extend him too? I am officially pissed off at our government and I am so over this whole damn war. Men like Bush and Gates have no idea what these poor guys are really going through. My husband is currently in Afghanistan fighting in Operation Achilles and we found out through the men that they are only being given 1, and I mean only 1, MRE a day! Conditions are horrible, communication home is almost non-existant and now they don't even feed the guys. They have no idea how something as simple as adding 3 months to a deployment can affect the morale of both the soldiers and the families that they left behind. We are supposed to be the most powerful military in the world. Why can't we come up with a better solution?

[Kirk Klag]

My wife is (or intended to be) career Army. I must confess that as a Navy vet I do not understand the Army. My wife trained as an XRay tech at a subatantial cost to taxpayers. She says in the Army you are infantry first and all else second. Also the quality of life is reduced as you gain rate. She was much better off as an SPC than as a sgt. Since she was transferred to a stryker brigade, she has to do physical training as well as hand to hand combat. She says that when she deploys in spite of being an xray tech she will be in the front lines more than the combat troops because it falls to the non-combat women to go to the front and search/interrogate women prisoners. Travel exposes the women to ambushes and IEDs. This is because the Army discriminates and does not allow women to be combat soldiers.
It really ticks me off that in spite of everything else she will deploy for 15 months. It is bad enough having someone you love exposed to mortal danger for 12 months.
When the cold war ended, the military was reduced to a "leaner, meaner entity." In reality what happened was our ability to fight conventional war or a war against an entrenched guerilla force was degraded. Until I married a soldier I thought "Military Intelligence" being an oxymoron was a joke. Now I find that it is not.
I realize that she and I will have to make sacrifices for her to both serve her country and be a wife. Unfortunately neither of us realized just how massive the sacrifices would be. The sad part is that most of them are not necessary.
Kirk

[liz]

Why has our Miltary people turned so sissy???

Look at all the other wars where men were extended w/o notice and no one complained as they lived in the land of the free and home of the brave.

I can only see our men and women are turning into, "I want it my way"

They do get leaves in between and the men in other wars/conflicts never got that.

[Dawn]

I agree with those of you that are totally upset with this extension for the Army. My DH has been gone since October of 2006 and will now miss his 2nd christmas with all of us. As for the way we all found out, I was outraged. I emailed the associated press too. I had first read it on the internet then heard it on the news. My husband told me that they too heard about the extension on the news. How does look to the Army, that their soldiers are not even being told what is going on before the media starts flapping their mouths. I totally support my husband and everyone in the military. But I don't think it was right for the media to start telling the public before the correct change of command could tell us or our soldiers. I don't look forward to another christmas without my husband, but I don't feel we have a choice but to move on at this point.

[Sabrina]

Whoever made this decision should go to the frontline to serve these extra 3 months. Period.

[Aimee]

This extension means so much more than just a few more months. For us it is the end of my husbands job in the Army. He won't be re-enlisting for sure. Additionally, we are being told that they will be back in October. They left last June - 15 months puts them home in September. Somebody did their math wrong. I am more than furious about this. My husband has worked his butt off out there for the past ten - almost eleven months. So has the rest of his unit. They deserve to come home on time. They - WE are truly being spat on by the friggin army. Whoever thought this one up is an idiot. The army thinks it's hurting for soldiers now??? Huh, it's only just begun.

[Aimee]

Oh...and in response to a previous post...we military people are not sissy's we just believe that we deserve a little more respect and appreciation since we are the ones putting ourselves out there for this country to be so free. It would be nice if a military family could enjoy living in the freedom of the country they fight for every once in a while.

[Sara]

Think about it. Every day that our husbands stay in Iraq, that's another day that someone else gets to stay with their families.

I think I'd be more pissed if they had to go back early. I'd rather wait and keep him as long as I'm allowed than to send them back.

My heart sank, yes. But he's a hero to someone else.

[Jennifer]

First of all, thank you for the info RedLegMeg, I truly enjoyed LAW's log.
Liz, nobody is a 'sissy' for missing their loved one. SO and soldiers who have reached the finished line at the end of a marathon and then watch as the finish line is moved right in fron of their eyes is heart breaking, and frustrating. Times have changed, and this is not 'all other wars', this is this war. Apples are not oranges!
Communications are much, much more different than with any other war, making any and all news a bit more emotional for all involved. 'Sissy' was deffinately not the term to use in describing the strongest spouses out there in today's society!

[Annmarie]

I AM VERY UPSET AND DISAPPOINTED!!!
I am a military wife and mother of four school aged children. My husband has been in the military for 21 years now, and we have been together for 19 of those years. He is currently deployed to Bagdad, and it's been really hard on our family. We are very blessed as he will be coming home (Lord willing) next month. What UPSETS me is the fact that some people (on this web site) have chosen to belittle how very difficult it is for these families that have been given extended tours. Here's a clue that if your sentence starts off with "I don't mean to offend anyone" it probably will! These families are not just complaining. They are sharing their feelings and frustrations with people that should at least have an idea of what their going through. They have a right to do that!!! Today, I spent time at my son's award ceremony where military kids read their essays on "Why My Military Mom/Dad Is My Hero". I was brought to tears by a second grade girl who held back her tears as she read her letter. She said many wonderful things about her dad, but what struck me the most was the look on her face when she said that her dad has been deployed three times in the last two years. Keep in mind that she is only eight years old. Then, at the end of every essay they would ask the military parent/hero to stand. When they asked her if her dad could stand she could only tell them that her dad was currently deployed. As she went back to sit with her mom tears filled her eyes, and she could no longer control her overwhelming sadness. With tears now flowing down her face, all her mom could do was hug and try to comfort her. Despite the mother's own sadness over the absense of her husband, it's what all of us military moms do to be strong for our children. I say all of that to say this, please remember that these women are dealing with situations like this on a daily basis with their children. If they need to vent, then let them! I think they deserve it! Finally, to ALL the women that are frustrated and pissed off about these extensions my heart goes out to you. From one military wife to another, you will all be in my prayers.

[Guard Wife]

Annmarie-
What a wonderful ceremony you attended! When Hubs was deployed a 2nd grade class at a school he makes deliveries to in his civie job 'adopted' him and on Veterans' Day, invited the girls & I to attend their school's ceremony.
Lots of veterans there and the children had written poetry and they sang songs. Something about little children's voices singing ALWAYS gets me, but on that particularly so.
Cried lots of tears that day and can very much relate to the mom you described in your story. All of you are in my prayers too!

[Chrissie]

I was disappointed when I heard the news. My dad (Army Reserves) and my husband (active duty Army)are both "over there" serving. My dad wasn't affected by the extension, but my DH was. I am dealing with it in a possitive way and DH appreciates it. The way WE react to it, really helps with the way THEY react to it. If we stay positive, so do they, and frankly, so do our kids.
I'm not saying that it doesn't suck. DH will be missing out on a lot, and my 3 kids and I will miss him terribly. However, staying positive is the best way that we can deal with it.
When I heard the news, of coarse I was saddened for all that were extended, but I was happy for the 5 brigades that didn't have to leave early. I'm glad that there will be a 12 month "dwell time" after the extened are home. And I am willing to wait however long I have to. Our spouses are worth the wait, and it's a small price to pay for freedom.
Don't get me wrong, I do think we all have the right to complain about it, but please don't let it take over your life. You are a military spouse, you can handle anything!
Stay strong, we are all here for you.
Hugs and prayers to you all,
Chrissie

[Carmen]

I was reading every comment on this page. I'm so pissed off at how the government decides what to do. I personally don't like Bush, because I think he's losing his mind. He wants to rule every country in the world and everything has to go his way. When Gates said he feels for the families, because of the sacrifices they have to make. yeah, whatever. I saw a report and they asked every Senetor and these guys how they would feel if their kids would have to go there and most of them didn't say anything and others said they wouldn't like it, but yet, just put our soldiers, who obviesly don't mean nothing to them, in the warzone and while they're at it, why not extend them. I've reached the point where I say now, start the damn draft. I heared a lot of people talking bad about the military and they don't appreciate it. They say, oh you live in free housing and you get so much money and it's the job they chose, so if they get killed it's their own fault. I'm so sick of these comments, because people like that have a clue what they're talking about. They can say that, because they never experienced of living the military live and how it really is and with all the deployment, too. My friend calculated the hours her husband works and the pay he gets. Do you know what she came up with? 57 cents an hour. Now you tell me if you would want to work for that kind of money. My husband was in Iraq for 12 month, home for 10 month, deployed for 12 month, home for 14 month and now gone again for 15 month. The 14 month he was "home", he was in school for almost 3 month and field exercises and of course NTC. We have to be mom and dad for the time the soldiers are gone and it's not as easy as everybody thinks. I constanly sit here and worry about if I'll see my husband again or if the Kids will see their Daddy again. My older son is 5 years old now and my youngest son is almost 2 years old. By the time my husband gets back, my older son will be 7 years and my younger one will be 3. When I heared the extension is to 15 Month now, I was sooo pissed off.I mean, with the husband being gone all the time, all kinds of problems are coming up. Even if you have the best marriage on earth, you will still have problems and the marriage will struggle. The only people that really understand what it's like are the ones that have to go through that. Some people are nice and say "Oh it must be hard", but of course like I just said, THEY DON'T KNOW. So all the other people that offend our Soldiers and Families, keep your mouth shut, because you don't know what you're talking about. Sorry, but I just had to get it out.

[Jennifer]

I often times wonder if the spouses who are able to stay the most positive have a full time job or stay at home with the kids. Do they have family near by? Are they Active, Reserves, or Nat'l Guard? Are they younger families or older? Many questions.......
I am the wife of a MN Nat'l Guard soldier who was extended 125 days, making his (and the 3000 other soldiers with him) deployment the longest since WWII. He is also spending his time in Baghdad doing security .I don't think I have met one wife with children who has managed to remain positive now that we have passed the original return date. Yes, it is FINALLY warming up outside, and we can kick the kids outside, but this summer was supposed to be the 'honeymoon period' for all of us. I don't know what everyone else had planned, but I know we planed out our summer camping, hiking, and doing everything we can together around my full-time work schedule.
Which brings me back to the beginning, how do some spouses stay positive and find it necessary to shove it in others faces? My daughter and I cry every day. She just turned 5 and has anxiety problems. I never thought, and I am a nurse, that I would deal with my own child having anxiety issues.
So, how can some be so positive and others so weak?

[Carrie]

Jennifer-you made several great points. I work full-time---home now with a sick child. I have always worked full-time and juggled my children's 3-5 night a week sporting events, as well as taken 15-18 credit hours per semester of classes at a University. Times are very trying. But, I truly believe in attitude. I can sit and mope and be depressed, but instead, I have decided that there is not a darn thing I can do about time frames of deployment, so why make myself and everyone else around me miserable. As an educator, kids react to their parents attitudes, positve or negative. My attitude helps shape my children. I don't want to be the cause of anymore pain or suffering. We talk about the positives. Yes, there aren't many at this point in time, but we find them. We stay busy. When my husband told me about the extension, my first thought was, there is nothing I can do about it, and I refuse to let it take me down. I am 35 years old, happily married, and my husband will retire in roughly 3 1/2 years. Will there be another deployment? Possibly, but I can't worry about that. My children and I go about our everyday business and have made the best of the situation. My children and I have recently started a scrapbook of all the photos that he emails. We have kept our local newspaper abreast of his unit. They are always putting pictures in the paper with brief comments or articles. People within our non-military community (I don't live on a military installation and never have)always comment about what they have read in the paper. My husbands unit gets the paper and are always thrilled to see news about them from such a small town paper. My husband is not from my hometown, but the hometown has rallied this unit and supports them, which in turn helps keep my children and I positive and its a great feeling!

[Jill Diebold]

I have read through most of the posts on here, and feel like I have stepped into a room with a million me's in it! :) My DH will be going again in late '07, which now means that he will miss 2 Christmas', one anniversary, our daughters 5th birthday and her first day of elementary school. (plus various other holidays in between) In my opinion, the change to 15 month deployments makes me want to scream to pull out of Iraq. I know that many of you will disagree, PLEASE don't get mad. I just hate even thinking of my daughters face when he leaves again. Part of me says no don't leave Iraq, the job isn't done...but it's things like this that make me say 'Yes! Bring them all home today!' All I want is our soldiers to come home. I am in your shoes, Army wives, I feel your pain, and you are ALL in my thoughts and prayers. I hope all of your husbands/wives/family members come home safe and sound and SOON!

[Sara]

Why be upset. My DH has been in for 18 years now. It is what he does. He is a soldier and I am very proud of that fact. Our oldest is graduating from HS this year and his Dad will be doployed. My kids understand what is going on and are fine with it. They are very proud of their Dad. As a matter of fact they all plan on enlisting in the Army after graduating HS. I am also proud of them for that. What enrages me are the number of spouses who only complain that this is not fair. Life is not fair. These guys are doing what they signed up to do. Nobody made them sign up. Spouses need to realize that being married to someone in the Army (or any service) that no one made them marry a soldier. You signed up for this on your own. As a PROUD ARMY WIFE I say suck it up and drive on. HOOAH!!!!!

[Laura]

I am extremely upset about this. Me and my husband just got married on March 9th and he had to leave to Germany a week later. Then on his way his orders were changed, he went to a different place and now that whole division is getting deployed to Iraq August 4th for 15 months. And we have been trying to get me moved there for 2 months and the process is sooo slow. And god knows when I will get my passport back. I think its unfair and cruel, because now its possible that I won't get to see my husband for another year and half/ We got to spend a week together and we spent that week at the base filling out paperwork and etc.

[Isa]

My husband is also deployed so, I feel for all of you spouses especially with children. I have two of my own. My weakness is boredom so, I stay positive with everything going on by making sure I keep myself busy with school, volunteering, and kid's school/sports activities. We're only humans and there's so much a person can keep up with. I do hope that sometime in the future the main decision makers can realize that we are in a time of war and everything should be uniformed. If 12-15 months apply to one branch so, all else should follow through. Army strong will not be STRONG when soldiers are tired out.

[trina]

Hey all has any one hubby deployed and haven't heard anything from them b/c to day will make six days now that i have not heard from my hubby and i worried a lot but others tell
me that they talk to there men every day and it hurts that i don't know what is going on

[mommy of 2]

For the person who said that they got pregnant and their hubby will be home for that and as well until your child is a year. I wouldn't hold my breath for that. Known many people that have had babies while husbands were deployed. Its not an emergency so they couldn't get their hubby's home. We are all suppose to be guaranteed to have our hubby home for a year of stabilization but does it happen? Very seldom!! So please don't get your hopes up. The military is good at getting our hopes up and dragging us down into disappointment. Don't ever believe the family is important to the military. They don't care about us. Its all talk by the government. Had a friend who went into the field for a few weeks while she was breast feeding, they wouldn't let her husband come up and get some breast milk from her. Thats a BABY who NEEDS milk. Now tell me we are so important if a baby isn't.

[mommy of 2]

Trina...

My husband isn't currently deployed but I've gone through 2 deployments in the last 5 years and there are times that all the husbands in the same unit don't get a chance to call home at the same time. Sometimes they get put on detail or guard duty which makes it impossible for them to call. Don't worry yourself. I'm sure there is a good reason. You'd know by now if anything bad happened. And they don't let anyone use the phones in that area if something bad does happen to someone (the shut down all phones), it keeps the bad news from getting to the family member before the military can get to the family. So if other wives are hearing from their hubbies then Im sure yours is okay too. Try and find a girl who hears from her hubby often to ask her husband if he's okay just to ease your worry. I had a friend that I did that with. We would both ask for each other everytime our hubby called just incase the other person didn't hear from their soldier. Take care and don't worry. I can guarantee he's okay from just knowing other wives had heard from their hubby. I went 2 to 3 weeks sometimes without hearing from my hubby

[sad and lonely]

Just another extension... right
Another deployment
Another year
Another birthday missed
Another anniversary skipped
Another holiday without daddy
Another vacation ruined
Another reason to cry
Another.....
How is sacrificing our spouses for even longer supposed make things better in the long run.... when we are suffering so much at home?
What about them being forced to leave their loved ones behind for "just" 15 months?
It's a guarantee that with this extension, those soldiers over there are forgetting the reason they're even fighting for this country.
Yet..... another sad day in America.

[dclark3468]

another deployment, another extension, it's made me numb...nothing seems to surprise me anymore...the 82nd packs a mean punch and once you get knocked down you learn to just stay down...if you get back up they'll just knock you down again...you just prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

[Accountability?]

What amazes me is the fact that the Army plasters EVERYWHERE: "Mission first, Family Always."

It should read:

"First to sacrifice, last to know"

It is a more honest, upfront, accountable rendition of how they operate.

It is Shameful.