Enhancing Child Safety for Military Families

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I Can...!

Many of my civilian friends say, "I could never do what you do..."

Which is what? Say goodbye to my husband without (or with) tears in my eyes? Spend three months holding a newborn non-stop because her heart condition makes it dangerous for her to cry and my husband is in Iraq and the rest of my family is hundreds of miles away?

I've said it, too.

Just the other day, I was talking with my husband about a friend who had a toddler and a newborn to deal with while her husband was in Iraq. And I started to say, "I could never do what she does..."

Then I stopped myself and realized, we do what we have to do. We are as strong as we are.

Ever Sweat The Small Stuff?

As military spouses, we have to face all kinds of challenges.  Sometimes, the most monumental milestones and trials occur when we are separated from our spouse thanks to training, school, or even deployment. 

Can I confess that sometimes, it's actually the smallest things that caused me the most righteous of my freak-outs?

Service Wars

When I go into a room full of civilians, I naturally gravitate toward other military people if possible.  It's like finding  a long lost family member, and it doesn't matter whether they are also Air Force, Army, Navy, Marines, or Coast Guard.  We're related; or so it seems anyway when we are surrounded by civilians.

And since hubby started out his career in the Army, and because we've had very few Big Blue assignments, and because all hubby's deployments have all been with primarily Army units - sliding into the Army family and way of life is no stretch for me.

But... and there is always a but (and in my case, one that really does NOT need this Girl Scout cookie season at all), there can sometimes be a bit of tension between services and service wives. 

Re: Book Club

Below is a post written by Andi giving some info about the SpouseBUZZ Book Club and how we are going to tackle the first book, Household Baggage.  I want to share with you all my (quick) review of the book so far... it is awesome!!! 

I am a little more than halfway through and I have enjoyed every page.  It's a quick and easy read - each little story is only 2 or 3 pages long.  As a "seasoned" milspouse I have been able to identify, in one form or another, with every story.  It's a very witty, fun, and laugh-out-loud kind of book!

It is also a good book for newer milspouses.  I know you will identify with some of the stories, and it will also give you incite and "for-warning" about what may be in your future.  As I have said many times, we all have a different story to share.  Marna's story is as similar and different as all of ours. 

I encourage all of you to read this book at some point in time.  And no, Marna didn't ask me to write this "review" for her... I just wanted to let you all know that if you DON'T read it, you'll be missing out! :)

RE: SpouseBUZZ Book Club

Household Baggage arrived in my mailbox on Saturday. It's now Monday morning and I'm almost halfway through the book. I'm also sick, which gave me some reading time. But, even if I wasn't under the weather, this book would be a fast read.

We received some questions about the SpouseBUZZ Book Club over the weekend. Here's the way it will work: Buy the book and start reading anytime you wish. We'll post discussion threads which we'll use to discuss the book as a group. Because this book is an easy read, I think we'll have two discussion forums. One will deal with pages 1-104. The other will deal with pages 105-188 (the end of the book). Everyone has a different schedule and some can read faster than others, so we're keeping that in mind. Let's plan for the first discussion thread to be posted on February 9 and the second discussion thread one week later, February 16. At that time, you can submit your questions for the author, Marna Krajeski.

By the way, who's playing? Would be nice to get an idea of how many of you are participating.

Keeping Romance Alive

I was perusing the blogosphere the other day, and happened upon a new blog and she writes about love and romance. 

I'm Wishing...

We just got word - hubby was selected for a VERY good program!  Now we must fill out the "Dream Sheet."

There's a reason it's called a Dream Sheet; I've learned that lesson loud and clear in our active duty years.  Still, it's fun to fill out.  We start out with all the possibilities in front of us.  Hubby and I play a game of high stakes poker to decide which assignment goes in which "wish" slot.  We used to argue over the number one placement, but with the experience of many assignment cycles, we have found that #1 is a throw away.  Now we argue, bargain, cajole, and beg each other for the number two slot.

This time, I had to promise home-made cheesecake chocolate chip cookies, a tag along session to the shooting range, and a few other things we don't politely speak of in public; but I got my number two wish.  Hubby's poker playing has improved very much since we instituted this system of Dream Sheet completion - it turns out he really wanted the same thing I did in the coveted Number Two slot.

I so need to start watching the ESPN Poker Tournament to improve my game.

I love the Emergency Room!

Okay, maybe "love" is not the appropriate word, but an absolute miracle occurred today when I had to visit the ER.

Actually, my 3-year-old daughter was the patient and my DH was the one who took her.  DH had taken our two kids sledding and my daughter now has a VERY swollen nose and under-eye area.  She is doing fine - her face found a sled just a bit too close for comfort!  DH said she rolled off her sled and turned around to get back on just as another kid (not my son, thankfully) rolled off his sled and the sled found its way to my daughter's face.  In the meantime, I was out shopping while waiting for the oil change in my car... then I got "the call" from DH and high-tailed it to the ER.

Now... here's the miracle:

Wanted: FRG

We PCS'd to our current duty station back in October and, at the time, I had high hopes of being part of an active FRG (Family Readiness Group).  With JD's unit deploying I just knew that they'd have all of their i's dotted, t's crossed, and be "squared away".  I really believed that I'd arrive, JD would pass on our info, someone would call, and off I'd go.  I would attend meetings/functions, volunteer when needed, and meet other spouses in JD's unit. 

That was, in reality, a fantasy.  Nothing more.  JD signed into his unit on Oct. 20th and would be here for almost two full months before deploying.  His unit deployed in the last days of October, but he was in contact with Rear Detachment on a daily basis.  He gave them my name and info on at least two occasions.  I waited, somewhat patiently, since JD was still here and I was not yet alone.  I did this against the advice of a very good (and wise) friend of mine who told me to be pro-active, pick up the telephone, contact Rear D, and make myself known.  Sometimes we all need a little encouragement to be the "I am woman, hear me roar!" type and she gave me that.  Temporarily, at least, as I still did nothing.  I didn't want to step on any toes or come off as pushy.  I tend to have a loud bark behind closed doors, but I seldom have a bite.

Surgical Inclusion

It's very odd to be married to a service member who hasn't deployed and most likely won't be deployed in the future.  Especially nowadays when it seems everyone is deployed.  It's just not something they do with development engineers.  He's much more useful to the rest of the military if he stays here and designs the war fighting capability!

So, I've been feeling very much like I'm not a 'real' military spouse because my significant other had never deployed.  He was gone for seven months straight last year, but it was an in-country TDY - so that just doesn't count, does it?

But I feel like I'm finally joining the club....sort of.

The Odd Family Influence

I blame my oddness on my family.

You see, I come from an odd family.  I was raised (and am still practicing) Catholic by my mother, but there are no less than four other different religions in my immediate family alone.  Although my entire family shares the same political party registration (except for one uncle, whom they all consider traitorous), they range from people who support a total ban of all guns everywhere and family members who own armories that would rival anything the National Guard can dredge up.  We have tee-totalers and alcoholics, X Sport aficionados and Xtreme Couch potatoes.  My grandparents have a farm; other family members look at me like I'm announcing the apocalypse when I suggest that San Francisco isn't the only place worth living.  As the youngest of 36 first cousins (and we kept in close contact with second cousins and the "removed" cousins), I suppose it was inevitable that I would be exposed to and shaped by an encyclopedia's worth of world-views.

But because my children are military brats, with all the moving around that entails, they are not influenced much by our extended family.  This realization hit me quite recently when I mentioned my sister-in-law's college aspirations and my eldest daughter replied, "Auntie is going to school?  For wildlife management?  I didn't see THAT one coming!"

Meet and Greet

Something funny happened last week. I met a fellow Army wife and blogger who lives nearby. She happened to leave a comment on a post which made a reference to where she lives. I emailed her in disbelief. Disbelief that she was my neighbor and though I knew who she was through the blog world, I never knew she was a stone's throw away from me. We met on the Army post for coffee (well, hot chocolate for me) and before I knew it, two hours had passed. We spent two hours discussing military life and blogging. It was a great experience. You'll read more about this wife soon because she's an inspiration for milspouses. 

SpouseBUZZ occasionally receives email from spouses who are wondering if other SpouseBUZZ readers are based in their area. Just last night, we received an email from a new Army wife wondering the same thing. This email reminded me of my recent experience and made me wonder about our readers. Many of you leave comments and some send email, but I'm curious about you. Are you Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines or Coast Guard? Are you Active-duty, Reserves, or Guard? Is your spouse deployed, newly redeployed, about to deploy? How is your support system? What are you thoughts about being a milspouse?

Consider this an open thread, a meet and greet.

NMFA's Government and You E-News January 23, 2007

Topics In This Week's News Include:

1. Military Health Care Task Force Holds First Meeting

2. 2005 Health Related Behaviors Survey Released

3. More Changes Made in TRICARE Formulary

4. You Can Provide Input on the TRICARE Pharmacy Formulary

5. Retirees Can Pay TRICARE Fees Through Allotments

6. “Military Retirees Health Care Protection Act” Introduced

7. Free Tax Help Available to Military Families

8. Military Children Receive Additional Support in North Carolina

9. Opportunity for Military Spouses

10. Navy Hotline to Assist Individual Augmentee Families During Deployments

11. What’s Important to You?

The Further Travels of Air Force Family

Last week, Air Force Family headed down to Washington, DC.  Now, I'm sure many of you have seen the wonders of our nation's capitol - particularly as it is second only to Texas in base saturation.  If it is a given that we will all be stationed in Texas at some point or another in a military career; then it is not too far from a guarantee that there will also be some time spent in Washington, D.C. or its outlying areas.

I love visiting D.C.

Did you know?

This week's Military Report includes:

Anheuser-Busch Extends Military Tribute 

Changes Call for Extension Pay 

Coast Guard Advances Identification System 

DOD Changes Reserve Component Policy 

February is African-American History Month 

Fisher House to Build More Homes 

Law Changes Handling Procedures 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Website Launched 

Program Serves Wounded Warriors 

Troops March to a Different Drummer 

Video Highlights Online Personnel Services 

Company to Donate T-shirts to Servicemembers 

Call Home Legislation to Assist Military 

You want MY Social Security Number?

This morning the unthinkable happened - Someone asked for MY social security number!!!!  Good thing I had my ID card - I'd never have been able to retrieve it from the back recesses of my mind!  Who remembers that sort of thing?????  I've never needed it in the 15 years I've been married to the military!

Introducing the SpouseBUZZ Book Club

A couple of weeks ago, I threw out the idea of starting a SpousBUZZ Book Club. We received great feedback via email and comments. So....we're going to give it a try.

Marna Krajeski, Army wife and author, has agreed to be our guinea pig. Marna's book, Household Baggage will be the first book we read and profile as part of our SpouseBUZZ Book Club.

I'm no child expert, but here's my perspective

Recently a new Navy spouse posted a comment asking whether she should take her children on a 9 hour car ride to see her husband graduate from boot camp, only to turn around and tell him goodbye again.  She was asking for advice about what to do.

Well, in my opinion, there is really no right or wrong answer to this.  Every child and every family is different.  But I will say that children are MUCH more resilient then we realize.  I found this out when my husband was wounded and I had to send my kids to my sister's for almost three months.  I was soooo worried about them, but they were okay.

So here's my perspective...

We create our own defining moments....

There are moments that define who we become.  Some of those moments are dealt by fate, and others are choices.  We get to decide what we want to do, and what we can do with our lives. 

Perspective

On my husband's last night home on R&R, we opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate our future.  We talked about where we'd like our next duty station to be. We talked about making the final payment on our car, the cruise we had scheduled for after the deployment, and my job prospects for the coming year.  We were in high spirits as we snuggled together and drank that cheap bubbly.  And then the phone rang.

My friend's husband had just been killed in Fallujah.

A Military Family Bookshelf

As a spouse and a parent, one of the best things we can do is empower our children.  To let them know they are heard, and they are not alone in having a parent that serves in the military. 

You Don't Have to Be a Hippie - The Style Manual for Military Spouses

Lesson number one:  Don't ask airforcewife for style advice - unless you like scarves, beads, flowing skirts, jeans with green bling,  and flowers in your hair.  Or listening to the Cranberries.  But be forewarned, if you listen to the Cranberries, you'll soon feel an incredible urge to wear scarves, beads, and wool fisherman sweaters (I have three).

Lesson number two: You will not survive your time as a military spouse unless you find your style and your niche.  Next to loving your spouse with all your heart despite the situations you find yourself in, that is the most important lesson you'll ever learn during your military sojourn. 

Well, the lesson about "General Officer Parking" meaning 07 and up and not people who are "generally officers" is a big one, too.  And we should all probably concede that not even thinking about the commissary for the three days around payday is a major life-lesson.  But I digress.

One Bite at a Time

When 2006 rolled into 2007,  Joann asked you "What is your resolution?"    I love the New Year and reassessing my life and its current path, and deciding what can be done better, deciding what really matters to me and my family. 

Dealing With Setbacks

Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley.

But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us."

- A.J. Cronin

Let's Get Physical

Have you been thinking about starting a fitness program or taking your current program to the next level? Are you looking for some inspiration or motivation? Taking care of our bodies has enormous benefits, but sometimes life gets in the way and it’s hard to get started. Even harder than beginning a new program, for me at least, is trying to get back in the game after taking a shameful hiatus. 

Some of you will remember the days when you had to lug yourself to a gym or fitness studio in order to workout or take a fitness class. Not always the most convenient of things. Factor in childcare, travel time, gym or class fees, battling the elements, etc., and it’s easy to talk yourself out of making the effort to make the effort.

The Talk

It's that time of year again!  Time for hundreds of military families to sit down with their children and have......the talk!

Well, we are with you and I have to admit that I am somewhat dreading the entire affair.  You know, the embarrassment, the choking emotions, the stammering to find the right words, the trying to convince them all that the world will go on, everything will be alright.  It's not the end of the world!

I'm talking about the fact that we may be moving again.....what else!?!?!?

You're Not Always on Base, You Know!

Last week hubby and I managed, by chance to make it to Kohl's annual winter sale - this is, of course, when we stock up on clothes for our children to grow into.  Anyway, this was purely by chance, and we got there very early - just as the store was opening (another amazing stroke of luck). 

As we were leaving the store laden down with bags and were walking across the parking lot, we happened to walk past a woman trying desperately to maneuver her very long car out of a tight parking space.

Without thinking twice my husband put his bags down, trotted behind her car, and began to make the universal symbol for, "You're okay, keep coming on."

The woman driving, however didn't see it that way and she stopped her car dead still, sat rigidly, and refused to move.  She began to motion vigorously for hubby to move on.

Did you know?

This week's Military Report includes:

Act Now to Apply for Scholarships 

Scholarships for Servicemembers and Family 

Deployed Soldiers Can Now Send Videos 

Army Referral Bonus Program Update 

Exchanges Introduce Name Brand Supplement 

Free Tax Preparation and Filing 

Input Sought For Army Family Action Plan 

Military Health System National Conference 

Money Scam Alert

Make a Difference: Become a Teacher

TRICARE Online Services 

Survivor Benefit Information

Help Give Valentines Day Care Packages 

USAA Offers Free NHL and NBA Tickets 

Contest Reminder

Just a reminder that today is the last day to submit your essay for this month's What's Your Story contest. We'll accept submissions through midnight tonight.

R&R is almost here!!!

Why am I not more excited?

Don't get me wrong - I'm excited. Really. I am truly looking forward to having MacGyver back in my life, even if only for 2 weeks. It's great and I'm thrilled. I'm so excited to see him with the kids and show him what our daily life is like these days. I'm looking forward to being able to talk to him face to face rather than via IM or on the phone (neither of which is a forte he possesses). I am yearning to put my arms around him and be held.

But...(there's always a but, isn't there?)

Take them or leave them?: My two cents

(This post prompted by Joan d'Arc's recent post)

My father wasn't military, but we still moved quite frequently when I was growing up.  I always held on to the friendships I made in every city and often wondered what happened to my childhood buddies.  So when I found myself back in the city I was born in, I decided to look up my best friend from kindergarten.  Since she has a unique name -- Google says there's only one of her -- she was easy to find, and she'd apparently lived in the same house her whole life.  I took a deep breath and called, imagining how fun it'd be to catch up on the past 12 years of our lives.

She had no idea who I was.

Take them or leave them?

I didn't grow up in a military family, but we were definitely "separated" from our extended family.  My parents were born and raised in TX, but they ended up in PA by the time I was born.  The rest of my extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) all stayed in TX.  I have a cousin I have never even met, but now we are back in touch via e-mail.  So what's the point of my post, you ask?

Grocery Shopping Shock and Awe

I only shop at the commissary.  I don't even think of shopping anywhere else.  It's an old habit really.  It's not as though, since I live off-base, it's the closest grocery store to me.  I grew up shopping at the commissary and I've always gone there for the prices.

But the other day I only needed a few things, so I ran into the local grocery store.....talk about your 'shock and awe'!

Life Guard

I spent Monday morning differently than I usually do.  Instead of making breakfast for the children and I, and staring at my to do list for the week, I gathered a notebook, and my laptop and went to a workshop put on by the Arkansas Veterans Affairs. 

The program is called Life Guard, and it is the only program of its type in the Veterans Administration.  For now. 

The Power of No

Although I'm in law school now, my studies prior to this focused on communication.  It's a fascinating topic when you break it down.  We spend so much time desiring effective communication and yet, we learn most of what we know about it through trial and error. 

Communication-wise, the military family is unique.  After all, at the heart and soul of most military men and women lies a true volunteer.  For many military spouses, the willingness to volunteer and the sacrifices that follow are infectious.  Our spouses do so much and we, sometimes by default, do too.

In this month of empowerment, let's explore the power of saying NO.

When You Don't Call First

My house is a mess, I am still in my pajamas, I haven't showered yet today, and we're having fast food for dinner.

It's been one of those days.

Privatized Housing

Have you lived on a military installation with privatization?

If you have, throw some comments our way.........

AAFES "New Year Baby Sweepstakes"

Calling all New Year Babies:

The Army & Air Force Exchange Service (AAFES) is kicking off 2007 with an exclusive contest for the military's newest moms and dads. Open to any authorized Exchange customer who has a baby born on Jan. 1 2007, the "New Year Baby Sweepstakes" is an online drawing for a bundle of baby goodies from GRACO, COSCO, The First Years, Safety 1st, Infantino and Gerber. "New Year Baby Sweepstakes" entries must be received at www.aafes.com before Jan. 31. The drawing for the three grand prizes, each projected to exceed $500 in value, will be held Feb. 5.

Source

Dear News Media: Shut Up. Just Shut Up

I just got a call from one of my best friends.  Her husband is one week away from leaving Iraq and coming home - one of the hardest times in deployment.  It's that time when you pray for your "luck" to hold.  The time in deployment that it all comes down to - the final countdown and the prayers that nothing will go wrong in the last few hours before our spouse leaves the danger zone.

She had just learned, from the news media, that there were casualties in her husband's unit.

Frantic calls to her husband's unit had yielded the necessary blanket black out information.  "You'll know as soon as we do.  We'll call you as soon as we know.  Hold strong, we're doing everything we can."

The SpouseBUZZ Book Club?

Okay, I'm thinking out loud here, which is often a dangerous thing for me to do. Just ask my husband... Last month, some of the SpouseBUZZ authors received a copy of While They're at War, a fascinating book written by author and milspouse Kristin Henderson. We read the book and conducted an interview with Kristin, which you can listen to here.

Earlier this month, ArmyWifeToddlerMom published a post about another book aimed at military families. In the comment section, we found this gem.

So, it occurred to me that maybe we should start a SpouseBUZZ Book Club. Each month, or each quarter, we could select a book that deals with military life and we could read and discuss it together. When possible, the SpouseBUZZ authors could solicit questions from you, interview the author of the selected book and post the podcast here.

Just a thought. Any interest?

Online Spouse Education Resource

NMFA Launches Online Military Spouse Education Resource

When it comes to continuing education, frequent moves present challenges such as transferring credits to equivalent courses, varying state requirements, multiple application and processing fees - not to mention, the lost dollars for credits that don't transfer. With this in mind, NMFA designed a comprehensive online resource for military spouses pursuing higher education. This newly developed section arms military spouses with the information needed to successfully obtain their education goals. Find detailed information about starting your education; choosing and/or transferring schools; scholarships, grants, financial aid, in-state tuition; resources for the foreign-born spouse; mobile careers and more.

Visit the Military Spouse Education Resource

*UPDATE* More resources below.

Merit Badges

I think, as military spouses, there should be some kind of recognition system. Something similar to what the Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts have. Merit badges, if you will.

For instance...a few months ago, I had a run in with my kitchen sink . I won that round. (Me: 1   Deployment Gremlins: 0)

Fast forward to the Christmas holiday. Some wayward pineapple rinds stopped the whole show up again.

Empower that Purse!

When each new year begins, we're inundated with media stories on how to trim the fat from our bodies, our budgets and our schedule.  Although it could do me good to listen to the body fat trimming advice, I have to laugh when all the budget trimming stories deal with people whose household budget is much fatter than mine!

Looking for ways to put some money away as well as discovering "found" money in your household can be very empowering!

May I Check the Bilingual Box?

I have become a verber.

Please understand, my grandmother spend 35 years teaching college preparatory English.  She used to grade the letters we sent her and send them back to us with corrections.  To this day, our conversations are peppered with things like, "I am so tired I just want to go lay down."

"Lie down.  You want to lie down.  You LAY the book down, but you lie down."

My "verbing" drives my Grandmother crazy, and it's all the fault of my being a military spouse.

Scholarships for Military Children

The Scholarships for Military Children program is open for 2007.

Kick adversity to the curb!

Adversity - 1. adverse fortune or fate; misfortune; calamity.  2. an adverse event or circumstance

I started graduate school in August 2003 with the intent to graduate in May 2006.  It is now January 2007 and I am STILL not done with grad school.  Am I upset?  No, but I have had a number of frustrations along the way.  Through my journey I have faced a number of "adversities" that had the potential to keep me away from driving on and finishing school.  BUT... I am persevering and I will graduate in December of this year (come he!! or high water!!!).

The intent of this post is to share my experiences in and around grad school.  I know, it seems boring, but I hope my story will inspire you to "kick adversity to the curb" (no matter what the adversity may be) and drive on with your life.

Go Now! (... or Stay?)

The Boss and I both believed that we'd serve our 4 year hitch, catch some additional education, maybe even another degree, and then move into "the world" to do what we'd been classically trained to do -- hers was business law and me, well ... industrial production in the oil fields was where I was headed.  The four year point came and went.  And good jobs were followed by great jobs and then before we knew it, we were looking at the magic point of 10 years of service.  Ten Years of our lives had gone into our Air Force, and being mil-to-mil spouses our relationship was getting a degree of its own, from the school of hard knocks.  And then it happened, "Hey Toad, get out, come work for me in the oil fields, and I'll make it worth your time." This caused a short but intense period of reflection on where we'd been, what we both wanted professional and personally, and the realization that we were (just?) half way to retirement.  Oh Crap ... Go now ... or stay?

Memory Keeping In Minutes

It's no secret to anyone here that during a deployment, your list of "have to" jobs each day far exceeds what you can do such that the "should do" and "want to" items could carry over until your spouse actually returns home. 

Even though deployment can feel like it's dragging its feet, I sometimes felt overwhelmed by all the moments passing me by and how I could capture those for my deployed spouse.  What could I do to make preserving those moments easier on me?

Perhaps keeping memories isn't as time-consuming as you think and it may open the doors to communication we so desperately desire...