Difference in perceptions?

Howdy SpouseBUZZ Blogosphere (and all of you other folks, too!)  I realize it's been a bit; my apologies -- life called.  Fortunately the batteries have died on all the phones and I've a moment to say "Hey!"

So, what's the difference between me, ... and you? (other than my use of poor grammar)  No, not fair looking at the author of the post.  But if you did, you could safely construe I'm a he-male milspouse (not to be confused w/ a he-man, by ANY stretch of THAT imagination), and I have a question about how we think we're different than you that are fe-male milspouses?

Some of us work, some don't.  Some raise kids, some have none.  Some have advanced education, others are square in the middle of self-development right now.  All of us are supportive and proud of our US Warriors.  And would like them home each and every night ... but that isn't always possible.

So, what's missing?  Why is it that the male milspouse seems to be almost content to watch and wait to be asked to participate?   At the Club -- is it too ingrained in "the ways of old?"  For the OWC/EWC (OSC/ESC-- by any other name, it's still the same animal)-- does it meet the intent originally set forth?  (and no, that wasn't to make money for charitable purposes)  Is the luncheon the best way to regularly get together with "like-minds." (Just what IS accomplished at those luncheons, anyway?) (I know, I know, ... I've already put the tar over the fire, yall just bring your own feathers)

Or maybe is it, we just quietly do our thing, participating more than most realize, just ... not doing "it" like the ladies do it?

Whaddayathink?  Okay, gentlemen, I know you're surreptitiously reading SpouseBUZZ -- IF you think there's a starting point, re: changing the world's perspective of the male milspouse, what would the first thing be?  O&O, MaintToad

Comments

[LAW]

Hey, I'd be interested in knowing why? are you intimidated by the women, or is it that we make you feel unwanted in the group?

LAW

[Old Dad]

My wife just joined a few months back so I don't have a lot of experience being around other Mil-Spouses. Right now I am taking care of our 5 kids and working full time. I hope to be able to slow down once we get stationed somewhere. I've been in computers/networks for over 16 years and am ready for a change. I want to go back to school or maybe just stay at home and be "Mr. Mom". I don't have a problem with it even though it gets me funny looks sometimes. Hey my wife is finally doing something she wants to do after having let me follow my dreams for most of the 18 yrs we've been married.

As far as being intimidated by the women, no not really. I guess some of it is just maybe feeling uncomfortable to a degree. Being the only man in a room full of women, that might be a little strange. In some aspects maybe it will be OK. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens when we get stationed somewhere.

[MaintToad1]

LAW ... intimidated? Where'd you get that idea? Weren't the lines too close together to be read between? (c;] Okay, okay -- what aspect might you be referring to? As for making me "feel" unwanted. As they say in the South, "Honey, it wasn't a feeling, it was out-right, open hostility." And if you'd been there, you'd have been amazed.

But we so far have missed the point -- that being, from the male milspouse perspective, *IF* something needs to be initiated to change the perspective of the male milspouse, what would the first step be? Toad

[Shawn DeLauney]

WEll lets see dont think that being the only guy in a room full of women is weird. I think that it makes us special. We could be looked to when things arent going the right way, or when there is a need for the "male point of view". I have been the stay at home father to two wonderful kids, i have also done the full time job thing. Because of the cost of living in our area, i am currently doing the most craziest of all...full time job at night and stay at home father in the day. All while my wife goes to her Navy job. She has been active for about 12 years, i am prior Navy so I know about all the B.S. that she has to put up with. I am currently in the process of returning to active duty. Its rough being the spouse of someone in the military, having to deal with the Duty, work ups, deployments, and the most annoying of all..the pack up and move every 2-4 years. I think thats what has made me upset the most, even though I grew up in a Navy family and should be used to it. The fact that you get started in a job, make yourself a fixture in the workplace then leave because your spouse is being transfered. And let me tell you not all companies out there will transfer you from one location to the next. They will "try" but its not gaurenteed that there will be a position avalable. I know it sounds like I am venting but these are some of the things that "we" have to live with as spouses. Anyway my door is always open to those who need to talk or those who need a shoulder. And it goes without saying but I will say it anyway, God Bless our troops, because without them who knows what official language we might be speaking.

[jaxnavywife]

I think with anything in life in order for things to change someone and in this case the men have to be the one to change it and one way is to step forward and become more active in the support group situations. Why not volunteer to be the Ombudsman? As for myself I really don't put much thought into the men who are military spouses, NOT in an effort to ignore them but I just don't see them any differently than the women. Yes, there are some out there who will make you feel unwanted but I can't remember a situation from the last spouses meeting I attended to my children’s PTA meeting where I always felt welcome. There are other wives out there like myself who will welcome men with open arms.

[wearing Prada to pre-school]

I think it its important to realize that the differences you are feeling may not just be because of your gender. I had a really awful experience living in military housing shortly after I was married. I was a stock broker in my "old life" and found myself the only woman on the block without a child and looking for a job. I felt left out,lonely, and became extremely depressed. Finally my husband and I had a discussion and realized that I needed to be the person I am instead of molding myself into a "military spouse" ideal. I was never going to scrapbook and sing Barney songs. My husband and I moved out of military housing, I found a killer job, and started finding myself again. I still go to all the wardroom and Navy events but I contribute in a way that highlights my talents such as helping other wives learn more about finances while their spouse is on deployment. Chin up! You are a valuable part of the military community and are helping to make the world a better place.

[Flounder]

"IF you think there's a starting point, re: changing the world's perspective of the male milspouse, what would the first thing be?"

What is the perspective that needs changing? So far every guy that I've met still in uniform wants my job. They're jealous :) In fact military families have been the most supportive of me as a home-dad. At the mall or supermarket I get comments like, "it must be mom's day off." No, she's working, that's why I have two toddlers hanging off the shopping cart when I come here every week.

I think I have a good deal (stay at home with 2 and 3 year-old; don't shave; work out; take naps). I've been physically separated from other mil-spouses by living off base, so I don't interact much with them. The hardest part for me is that I can't find anyone to get a beer with after "work". The local police wouldn't appreciate me unwinding over a playground brew at 10:30 in the morning, but happy hour on a school night seems like a no-go around here.

The fact is that male spouses out of uniform are a very small minority - less than 25% of the force is female, even less are married, and many of those are dual-military (active). That's not going to change. What is it that needs changing?

[catwin]

what about funny or 'not so funny' stories of things happening in YOUR lives. examples:
1.Do you wake up and all 4 kids are in your bed every morning. And you got pushed off the bed?
2.What things did you do with the first big snow of the year?
3. what did you do for thanksgiving? did you cook? go visit family or a restaurant?
4.Do you eat cereal for dinner 3-4x a week?
5.do you change the toilet paper roll when the t.p. is gone?
inquiring minds what to know! remember we are laughing and crying with you!(I know GUYS don't cry!)

[airforcewife]

Just for the record - toilet paper rolls at my house don't get changed unless my husband does it. He just got back from deployment last week, and putting the TP on the roll was the first (um, well, maybe second) thing he did.