The Milpet Effect

One month ago today, I wrote about receiving word that my dog had been diagnosed with cancer. Since then, Rocket began chemotherapy treatment. With the exception of a few bad days, all was going well. Until Friday, that is. To make a long story short, if there wasn't marked improvement within 24 hours (by noon yesterday), we should probably put Rocket to sleep.

Fluid began to build around Rocket's lungs. This would be a real catch-22. The fluid was secondary to the cancer. The cancer was the culprit, but the drug had not had time to take effect. The chemotherapy treatment that Rocket received on Friday needs five days to take effect. Maddeningly frustrating because an elevated heart rate and labored breathing may prevent us from waiting out those five days. My husband and I are not making decisions based on the fact that WE want Rocket around as long as possible, we're making decisions based on what's best for him.

Last night, I slept on the floor beside Rocket. I didn't really sleep; I rubbed him, listened to him breathe and sobbed more than I have in years. Rocket would have been a great companion for any family, but he was a perfect fit for a military family. I thought about the months and months of deployment and unaccompanied tours in which Rocket filled a gigantic void for me. What a source of comfort he was, and always has been.

I was also reminded of those more-upbeat-than-usual emails from my husband when he was in Afghanistan. The ones that included photos of "Maxie," a cat which had wormed her way on to the compound and embedded herself deep in the hearts of the soldiers who had left their families, and their pets, far behind. Maxie was a taste of home. It was clear that Maxie brought some much-needed joy to my husband and for that, I too had grown to love Maxie.

Airforcewife had a similar story not long ago, when she wrote of the "Free Cherry" movement. Pets have a unique way of providing comfort to both the deployed service member, and the families they leave behind. There are many stories of the connection between dogs and our deployed troops. Each of them heartwarming.

Yesterday morning, it was clear that we could no longer allow our dog to live. Rocket was struggling to breathe, and neither of us want to see him suffer. However, we had to wait two hours for the doctor to call, and she would advise on how to implement the next, fatal step. An excruciating, gut-wrenching and painful two hours.

Miraculously, as the morning progressed, Rocket began to breathe more easily. This gave us hope. It meant that maybe, just maybe, our little guy could hold on until the treatment zapped the cancer, then all would be well. While this progress was met with joy at my house, quietly I reminded myself that this would only be temporary. Sometime in the future, we'd be right back where we were only hours ago. Hours ago, my husband and I were sitting on either side of Rocket watching his chest expand and contract. My tear-filled eyes met my husband's gaze and I finally said what needed to be said, "We have to put him to sleep today, don't we?" He nodded.

How appropriate that there have been recent discussions at SpouseBUZZ about mentally preparing for one thing, only to be forced to adjust to something else. Yesterday, I was prepared to let go. I was distraught, but I knew that it had to be done. Somehow, someone had another plan. If Rocket is comfortable, I'm grateful for the additional time, but I also know that this means that sometime in the near future, I will have to find the courage to let go, once again. Just like military life in general, this episode has been an emotional roller coaster.

Rocket is clearly fighting. We measure his breathing each hour. He is improving. If he can overcome the next few days, the chemotherapy will have a chance to work, and Rocket will buy as much time as (possibly) a year. It's his fight right now, and we're cheering him on. It's hard to do from the sidelines, I really want to be on the field. Whatever happens, I can honestly say I've cherished every moment with my beloved dog. The most painful part is not being able to convey to Rocket just how much he saved my sanity when his daddy was half a world away. I pray that somehow he knows.

We need to embrace solace in whatever format it presents itself. I'm pretty certain that there are thousands of Rockets (canine, feline and other) who have helped thousands of military families cope during the tough times. For that, I am most grateful.

Comments

[LAW]

Rocket knows how much you love him. as you said, its his fight now. and he will let you know when he wants to leave. And you will cry, and then remember again how much he helped you and say goodbye.

LAW

[Andi]

Thanks, LAW. I feel like he knows too.

[airforcewife]

What a difficult situation.

We are all pulling for you and for Rocket.

[Sarah]

We adopted a dog when I was a kid who had obviously been abused by his previous family. The vet guessed that he had "learned" not to do certain behaviors. Our dog *never* licked us; somehow his family had "taught" him not to lick. We had him for 13 years, and when our whole family was there in the vet's office when we had to put him down, he lifted his head and licked me.

Rocket knows you love him. And he will love you back until the very end.

[Guard Wife]

{{Hugs}} from us to you, your husband & Rocket. We're hoping for the best for all of you.

[Stephanie]

My pug was my confidant, my shoulder to cry on, my source of laughter while my boyfriend was deployed - I understand where you're coming from there. The bond forged through diffult and lonely times is impossible to explain to someone who has not been there.

I hope you can get some more time with Rocket, and say your goodbyes in that time. If I could send you some strength and peace in a package, I would. Please just know that I've been there and that you're in my thoughts in the days ahead of you on Rocket's journey, however long that may be.

Lots of *hugs* coming your way.

[Jo]

I know these feelings up and down. We lost Otis just before hubby deployed to Afghanistan, died on the ER table after crashing 14 times. We let him go. The year before was surgery and radiation for Bubba due to mouth cancer. We saved him. I understand your pain and feel it.

[Andi]

Thanks everyone for the good wishes. We're still holding on. Little guy held out over the weekend and seems to be breating with more ease. Time will tell.

Stephanie, I think you're right, it's just impossible to explain...

Jo - I remember reading your dog stories a while back and fully understanding what you were going through.

[C.C.]

rocket and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. husband and i have a four legged child, Buddy who is our entire world. When i got him a year ago, I knew he would be the perfect companion for the long deplyoments. There are times when he's the only thing keeping me going, knowing I don't have to go home to an empty house. I get to go home to someone who loves me. And i love him for his ever-constant loyalty and admiration of me. I currently work at a vet's office and i know what ur going through. it's never easy to let go of someone you love so much. But Rocket knows you love him and will keep his best interest at heart. and like stephanie said, enjoy the good times you have left. I know how much he will be missed, but i also know how much he's loved. and that's what's important.

[Diedre]

Our pets are there for us when our spouses are gone. My dog and cat comfort me the best they can when i'm depressed. Best of luck to your family and Rocket.

[Army D/W]

There is a place online called Rainbow Bridge. I go there often since the loss of our beloved MsMarty, Queen Beagle of the Universe.

Andi, we too are fighting with our current reigning beagle Princess and cancer. The I-Man is deployed, and I constantly pray that I won't have to take the Princess in for her final rest alone~then explain it all to the Man Cub alone.

I also know that when she needs me to...., I'll be there for her just as she and Rocket have been there for us.

Each second is precious, be forewarned there are "people" out there who won't/don't understand the mil-fam's bond with fur, fish and fowl. ;) "It was JUST a dog?"

I can't wait to meet Rocket with MsMartyQueen and the Princess on the Rainbow Bridge. May St. Francis watch over Rocket and the people who love him, in his remaining days.

[stacy lee]

Hugs to you and your hubby Andi. Us animal lovers treat our pets as if they were a human, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sure hope that he is improving more and more each day.

[Andi]

Thanks CC and Diedre, I see we're all pet lovers.

Army D/W - I'm very sorry to hear about Princess. I'm right there with ya...
I was grateful that this happened after my husband redeployed so that they had some time together. I wish the same for you. Keep me posted, I'm pulling for Princess.

Stacy Lee - thanks for your words, you of all people understand the bond between animals and people.

[Tessa]

My husband got a golden retriever puppy when he was 12 he named goldie. He loved that dog and she was his best friend. It was 2 years ago Nov. 6 that we made the decision it was time to put her down. She had a brain tumor that no medications or surgerys could heal. In less than a month she had become so bad the seizures were so often that by the time she recovered from one the next was on its way. We went home to Ohio to the family vets and the decision was made. She looked up at us as if to say thank you. The look in her eyes said it all to us. She was ready. She was tired...tired of fighting...tired of trying to go on. She is buried now on the river bank under the Buckeye Tree where my husband and her grew up together.

I understand the hard decision at hand but I feel that they know and will tell you when it is time. I cry still just thinking about the old pink nose as we called her.

I know the loss of a dear pet. Enjoy what you have left and never forget. They will always be with you in your heart. I think about Goldie often and have pictures of her on my desk and a collage of her at home on our wall. It has been over two years and when I think of her I still smile and I still cry. There will never be another one like her.

[dorable]

before jonathan left, we got a baby bunny together. we've wanted two big dogs for a long time, but we have to wait for that so we decided to get a bunny since we'd been wanting one for quite some time. anyway, he's like our baby now and has been mine since jonathan left almost 5 weeks ago. we refer to jonathan as daddy and he's been my little cuddle buddy when things are bad so i understand the whole companionship there.