From the Mailbag

A milspouses sends this email:

I would like to hear from spouses on whether they think volunteering within the military reflects well on their active-duty spouse or not?  I know many of us volunteer to make a difference in someone's life or to help the greater good.  But, a side benefit - we sometimes hope- is to help make our active duty spouse look good.  It is a team effort, right?  I think this might make for some active discussion.

As for this sentence:

I know many of us volunteer to make a difference in someone's life or to help the greater good.

We haven't discussed volunteerism much at SpouseBUZZ, but I do believe that one of the most special and rewarding things an individual can do is to take their precious time and give it to a person in need, or to a cause that benefits others. I think most volunteers would say that the benefits they receive from helping others are enormous.

Next point:

But, a side benefit - we sometimes hope- is to help make our active duty spouse look good.

My personal belief is that our spouses will rise and fall on their own merit, despite our actions, but certainly good works can't hurt. I don't think milspouses are any different than civilian spouses in the respect that most of us hope that we reflect well upon our spouses.

The milspouse who sent this email would like to hear from you on whether or not you think volunteering "within the military reflects well" on your spouse. Please share your thoughts with us.

Comments

[Robyn]

I should start with the qualifier that I am a milgirlfriend, not a spouse, but I do have something to say on the topic.

I don't think volunteering within the military necessarily reflects well or poorly on your spouse's career, but I do think it makes other servicemembers more inclined to like you and as a result to like spending time with you and your spouse. It seems to me it removes a kind of civilian/servicemember barrier, almost like saying, "I may not have signed the contract, but I'm in this too."

Just my opinion.

[Jamie]

I actually think volunterring especially with in the frg or other areas closley related to your spouses unit does reflect well upon your spouse. It is the same thing as if you got a speeding ticket on base and your spouse gets the lecture. I have many friends that dispute the fact that what the spouse does should not reflect on the soldier but in my eyes and from my experience it does.
It shouldnt but it does.

everything the spouse does reflects upon the soldier becuase you are a unit and a representation of the other half of the soldier. the soldier they dont get to see.

Ive always known not to interfer with my husbands work and i have had to counsel many other wives on how to not fight thier husbands battles it only gets the soldier into more trouble.

I am talking as an experienced infantry wife i do not know if it is the same in the other branches of the military. i support my husband within every aspect of his job...but it is job, i cant do it for him. but what i can do is do things...i.e. volunterring to better reflect onto him.
jamie

[Molly Pitcher]

Maybe it "reflects" but it isn't going to really make a career difference. The exception being if your spouse is a commander and you do such a good job as the FRG leader that your husband does a better job as a commander.

I think that supporting your servicemember helps him do a better job but I do not think being "volunteer of the month" makes a lick of difference for his career.

[Deltasierra]

I was a volunteer Army Family Team Building instructor when we were at the Defense Language Institute in CA. It helped me get in touch with other wives, and I earned the respect of not only his company commander, but also the garrison commander and the inspector general. I don't think any of those people could have picked him out of a crowd (especially since someone else in the company had his same name), but I think my connections and knowledge about how to yank the chain of command when it was necessary helped my husband be more secure as a Soldier. He knew his wife was competent and confident within the military life, so he was better suited to do his job, because he didn't have to worry about me. It made him more effective.

Now, because we're Guard and so far removed from his unit, I don't have military contact that often anymore. I volunteer in the local Kiwanis club now, and I think it earns my husband and his buddies and his job more support, because people in the community have a better connection with what's really going on "over there".

The military DOES appreciate a supportive spouse. But they don't want rank among the spouses, so spousal involvement should not positively affect rank advancement. My volunteering doesn't really have an impact on the direction his career will take (or the people who decide what or where he will go), but it DOES have an impact on community support and his personal confidence as a Soldier. This, in turn, makes him a more effective Soldier, which makes him more likely to advance. SO, you could say that your volunteer efforts could impact your spouse's career, but it wouldn't be directly, and it wouldn't be your efforts that did it. Your spouse is ultimately the one who must make the grade for him- or herself.

Funny story, though: The only time my "volunteer" presence was ever a boon to him was when he was still under drill sergeants at D.L.I., and I went with him as his "battle buddy" when he had to go talk to them. They never yelled at him when I was there, and were all sorts of helpful when I asked questions. If he screwed up, he was still going to get it, just as much as any trainee under their wing, but I think they were assured that they had a competent, dependable Soldier on their hands, especially since his wife was there to back them up. ;) My husband always joked that if they got wind that he had hurt me in any way, or was not treating me right, they would all hunt him down and kill him. ;) Fun times, fun times . . .

[Anne]

Hi,
I am a wife of a retired army man. I know all too well, the long waits in between missions that he went on. I raised two little ones. He was gone three months out of six months. It was lonely, but through sheer lonliness, I learned some great lessons. I was an 18 year old army bride, with no clue.
Is there room on this site for spouses of retired military men?
I have lots to offer and could use the support of other military wives; especially those who are now retired, and still deal with issues from the military, such as PTSD, and such.
email me at lmainefrawg72@aol.com
Thanks,
ANNE

[Lauren]

PEN-PALS FOR OUR SOLDIERS IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT OUR SOLDIERS THE BEST WAY IS TO SEND A LETTER OF THANKS. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN WRITING OUR TROOPS TO SAY THANKS PLEASE E-MAIL ME AT: LAURENCBURKS@YAHOO.COM THE WAY IT WORKS : YOU WRITE A LETTER TO DEAR SOLDIER...ETC..ETC...THANKS FOR SERVING....MAIL THE LETTER TO ME....I PUT ALL THE LETTERS IN A BOX TO SHIP OUT AND LET MY SOLDIER DISTRIBUTE THEM. THE REASON IS YOU CAN'T MAIL TO ANY SOLDIER IT IS AGAINST CUSTOM RULES. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY FOR THOSE THAT ARE PROTECTING FREEDOM. MY MAIN GOAL IS TO GET PEN-PALS STARTED FOR THE SOLDIERS. THIS IS A HUGE MORALE BOOSTER. AND THE SOLDIERS ARGUE OVER WHO GETS THE NEXT LETTER. THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR HELP. WE CAN TRULY PUT A SMILE ON A SOLDIERS FACE ONE LETTER AT A TIME. WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT!!!