Of Course You're Right...

Pet peeve number one, the big number one, higher than my issues with TriCare (or whatever it's really called nowadays) is - drum roll please....  People who insist that they know more about what my husband does or what's going on where he is than either he or I do.

They are all over the place.  And they all want to tell me what I need to do/know/see/realize about the "situation."

I'm not talking about differing opinions, God knows that is fine.  And I'm not talking about people who have been there/done that and have some valuable experience to share.  I NEED those people.   I'm talking about the dreaded "armchair generals."

A long time ago - or what seems like a long time to me, anyway - my husband did a post on my original blog about his time in the Iraq Survey Group.  Now, beliefs about the issues in Iraq aside, it quite astounded me how easily people are willing to shout to someone who has actually been doing the job that they "don't know what they are talking about."

This deployment time around, I have been getting it again.  People will sometimes ask me what I think, or what hubby thinks, about a situation.  When our facts don't line up with theirs (and they are generally non-military types), they jump right in with "their information."  Which, of course, is supposed to be somehow more accurate than hubby's. 

Let me reiterate - I'm not talking about people with different experiences arguing finer points.  I'm talking about the people who seem to think we're morons.

And tools.

And victims.  And oppressors.  And evil.  And misguided.

There are some people, I've noticed, that I just can't talk to.  Generally when they open an argument about facts  with the phrase, "Well, I saw last night on the Daily Show," I know it's better left alone.

I did get one good jibe in last week, though.  And it completely flummoxed the person at the receiving end.

Upon entering a parking lot, I parked next to a woman in a car groaning under the weight of 8000 bumper stickers - which were presumably holding the thing together.  Several of them bore the phrase, in many different color schemes and in very eye catching fonts and sizes (some emblazoned with military looking silhouettes), "THOU SHALT NOT KILL." 

I brushed past her as I got out of the rental van (without my "airforcewife" sticker, to my vast disappointment) and said, "You know, it's actually 'thou shalt not murder'."

To me, as a military wife with a husband in a war zone- that's a huge difference.   It's all the difference in the world.

Comments

[Recruiter wife]

Funny, people are constantly asking me how I am, how I am doing.. Outsiders when overhearing my situation always ask, "oh are you ok? where did he get deployed to? what unit is he with? what will he be doing?" The answer? Of course I amm not ok, he's in Iraq doing his job! They then explain to me what its like to have a husband taken away.. I think to myself, what do you know? They tell me about being a soldier, it's challenges, and then they end their story with,if it wasn't for that recruiter.. And then I follow up with, my husband is the recruiter. People think of recruiters as being the scum of the earth, all they want is to get someone in at any cost. But of course they are right when they tell me "i'm sure he has done inappropriate things to get someone in..." My recruiter volunteered for this mission because it was his guys, his unit, and his men that he had put into the guard that were being deployed to Iraq..Does this sound like a scandelous recruiter to you? EERRR.. people who are on the outside have no idea what our husbands do!

[AirForceGuy]

This is one of those things that happens when the military becomes an elite force and not an "army of the people." Today we have a tremendously specialized and high-trained military that is distant from the civilians it defends. Aside from Guard and Reserve troops (don't yell at me Guard and Reserve please), most Americans don't know anyone in the military. They can't relate because they don't know what we're talking about. So they resort to talking about experiences they think are similar (jail, church, business trips, high school fights, whatever) to try and relate. But they can't relate because the experiences don't translate. And as soon as they figure that out, it makes them feel "less than" us. And that makes them mad. They recount something they heard on the Clinton News Network about the war, and feel smart. Then when someone who's been there tells them the truth, they feel dumb. Now they have 2 choices, feel dumb, or refute the military member. And no one wants to feel dumb. I guess the moral is that the gap between civilian families and servicemembers families will continue to grow until we get more people exposed to the military.

[Andi]

AMEN!

[dizzylizzie]

when we were in georgia there was a story in the paper about people having their yellow support our troops magnets being stolen or having them relocated to the little door thing where you fill your tank. i mean really, how tacky.

[Vanessa]

It's even worse when it's a family member doing the "talking". My uncle picked me up from the airport after hubby and I saw each other for the last time before he left for Iraq. He spent the hour and a half long car ride discussing what he knows about the military...and trust me he doesn't know much. Talking of body armor and the reason they wear dog tags...which by the way I was very well aware of...ohh and my favorite...why they need up to date dental records...Yes that was a conversation I will never forget. Every time I've seen him since that conversation last year he has still expounded on that brilliance and told me that he looks forward to discussing the military with my husband when he gets home. EEEKKK!!! It's going to be an interesting Christmas...I'm going to have to tell my husband to avoid him at all costs!

Or then there is my sweet Grandma who spends her days watching CNN and she can recite what she heard back to you word for word. Thanks Grandma that HELPS!!!!

Or the very helpful people that you meet…who tell you things…like…”Do you have a pair of his boots at home?”…”Yes I do…why??”….”Well don’t let them fall over….cuz I heard if they do….your soldier…well he gets hurt or……”…Ok I got the point very nice to meet you. Ever since that day…I have watched my husband’s boots very carefully…it once sent me into a panic attack when my little kitten decided to play with the laces and …..GASP……..knocked one over! Yes, silly I know…but I still check them every morning and every night…I really wish people wouldn’t tell you things like that!!!!!

[dizzylizzie]

i hear you vanessa. sadly, my own family is anti-war, bush-haters, its-all-for-the-oil, we-horrible-americans-just-cant-keep-our-noses-out-of-other-peoples-buisness-so-we-deserved-what-we-got...kind of people. makes me crazy it really does. my aunt and i got into a shouting match last time i visited. dont get me wrong, they appriciate what my husband does for our country, they just hate that he has to do it. i just feel like saying "well what, are YOU gonna do it? i didnt think so, you aint got the guts"

[Sarah]

Lizzie -- I think I have a really hard time dealing with people who think that war is a necesary evil but that they don't want anyone *they know* to have to be involved. I keep getting comments like that since my husband has requested to return to Iraq. People just don't want HIM to have to go back. My theory has always been that we need the best and the brightest on the front lines...and since naturally I think my husband is the best and brightest, then he should be there!

[dizzylizzie]

exactly sarah. they just dont get it. HE fights today so his children dont have to tommorrow. thats something i have to remind myself of almost daily as these deployments drag on, back to back, one right after another.

what i dont get, is why they just cant get it through their thick heads that those people WANT TO KILL US AND WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO DO SO. sorry, but if someone was standing right in front of me with a gun in his hand and death in his eyes I am NOT going to attempt a DIALOG with this person to find out how he FEELS! I KNOW how he feels! "KILL THE INFIDELS!" sums it up pretty nicely.

WHY oh WHY is this so hard for them to wrap their minds around? its a very simple concept. and then they have to nerve to bash bush about the war? hmmm...sorry i kinda take it personally when someone wants to KILL me & mine. if my pres. DIDNT do something about it i would be furious.

[cindi_2570]

What irks me is when I try to explain to my civilian family and friends (I'm from Portland, Oregon and there's no active duty bases in Oregon, so running across a military member or family is rare - I didn't have any friends growing up who had any military affiliation, just like myself - it's also very liberal there and anti-bush) how this deployment has affected me, or the kids at school (giving examples of misbehavior, etc.)and at home - I get the "oh that happens to all kids their age - it's normal behavior". I've even been told that the kids are resilient and it's nothing more than normal age-related behavior" YEAH, RIGHT. Or when I mention the politics of the military, I'm told, "we'll that goes on anywhere corporate USA." WHATEVER! Civilian children may have similar behavior problems, but it's not because daddy's gone for months on end in a danger zone! Puhleez! They just don't get it.

[cindi_2570]

I forgot to add the comments I get when I mention having to PCS - "well, it's no different than when civilian kids move - kids move all the time and they are resilient and can roll with the punches a lot more than we give them credit for." Well, this school year alone, their dad is deployed, going back and forth between Iraq & Afghanistan since May and is due back mid-Dec. THEN, he's been forced to cross-train, so a few weeks after he returns, he'll go off to tech school. Upon his return, we will PCS for his new job. Then, they will attend a new school in a new state, all before the end of April. My kids will survive all this turmoil, but to be told that kids everywhere move around and mine are no different than civilians, just gets under my skin. K - I feel better now :)

[dizzylizzie]

sometimes all it takes is a nice little rant to make things feel a little better :D

[LAW]

folks, as a LIBERAL ARMY WIFE, I get to hear the usual... if you are in the military, you have to be Pro Bush, etc.. Wrong! and they don't understand that we can support the troops and not agree about the war. I don't need any justification for what my husband (and my son and daughter in law, who are both now out after doing their tours in the LItter box) does. He does what he does, because it's his career and he's there with his troops, and keeping them safe. I'm a state department brat, my husband is a Navy brat, joined the army to piss off his dad! I've been moving since I was 18 months old. and it's not easy.

[airforcewife]

LAW has an excellent point. I'm a born and bred and raised Californian, and so "conservative" doesn't really apply to me very well. However, as a military wife I definately have ideas that clash with the rest of my rabidly Dem family. And I do mean rabid. I have a family member who is convinced that the Republicans were responsible for the Kennedy assassination.

No joke.

They see me as a total traitor. And some of them opine poetic about how they have to "watch what they say" around me.

Not all, but many.

And if that's watching what they say, I'm glad they do. I might have developed even more ulcers.

[Megan]

My big pet peeve is as soon as people hear my husband is gone for a year they gasp and say where is he. Once I say S.Korea thier immediate reaction is atleast it's not iraq. I don't take anything away from the people in Iraq but Them being gone is tuff no matter where they are. And after this weekend I'm not so sure I would choose for my husband to be there. Not that I have a choice. If 9-11 has taught me anything it has defiantely taught me that nowhere is completly safe. Especially place that you are dealing with other governments.