Are Milspouses Caged Animals?

Last night, I read a very funny and creative expression of what it's like to be a milspouse from the perspective of one Marine wife. Trust me, you don't want to miss this.... 

I think I’ve slowly gotten used to it, but it’s hit me with exceptional force these last two weeks to where it made me feel like I am an animal at the zoo to be gawked at, poked, prodded and investigated.

I feel that there should be a tour guide standing next to me in kaki shorts, a funny shirt and a clipboard in his hand taking questions.

“Umm, Sir. What is it?”

“Well, ladies and gentlemen, what you are looking at is called ‘the Military Spouse.’”

Collective Oooo-ing and ahhh-ing. Hands go up all over the room.

“Ahh, yes,” the tour guide says, “you in the back row.”

“Yeah.. umm.. How is it made?”

“Very good question. Well, you see, a member of the Armed Forces, in this case, a Marine, marries one of these creatures and they become ‘the military spouse.’”

Someone yells, “Is it dangerous?”

A soft chuckle from the guide, “No, no. Only if you irritate it, but generally it is very friendly.”

“Has its mate ever been to Iraq?”

“That is a very good question and in this case the answer would be, ‘yes.’”

“What does its mate think about the war?”

And so the tour guide goes into the political ideals of this thing called a “Marine” and its “Spouse” while I sit behind glass chomping on doughnuts because zoos always take very good care of their animals and they would know that doughnuts would make me happy enough where I wouldn’t mind being gawked at.

“Excuse me,” some sweet lady in the front row says, “how does it handle being a ‘military spouse?’ It must be very hard on it.”

“Ma’am, that is a wonderful question. It can be difficult for some but this one doesn’t seem to mind so much. See how she keeps her family and friends and interests around her? That helps her cope with whatever her spouse is sent to do. Also, this one works outside the home and spends a lot of time doing things that she enjoys, like reading and watching dumb movies.”

Everyone chuckles then someone asks, “Is its mate gone now?”

“As a matter of fact, he is.”

Let’s all make that collective, pitiful sigh before someone else asks, “And how long will he be gone?”

I might scratch myself here just to give them some entertainment, but it won't be too inappropriate.

“Well, he’s already been gone for about three months. It can be anywhere from four to five months before he will return.”

Smatterings of “Oh my goodness.” “How awful.” “The poor thing.” and “I could never do that.”

Then someone HAS to ask, “Will its mate be faithful to it while its gone?”

“You know, we get that question a lot, and though it is possible, these two seem to be quite monogamous.”

Some jerk in the front in the middle must ask, “How much are we (Mr and Mrs tax-payer) paying so that she can just sit there an munch on doughnuts while the rest of us work for a living?”

The guide chuckles and says, “Alright, let’s move on then. Next up is a very rare find; a couple who has been monogamous for more than 60 years!”

I don’t think I need to say anything else.

Very amusing, and really dead-on in many cases, especially when you live in an area where military culture isn't necessarily understood. I don't mind the "oohs" and "awwws", that's generally a sign of respect for what we endure. But like this wife, I do mind some of the other ridiculous questions and assumptions that are sometimes made by those wacky civilians.

Source: Military.com discussion board (MJ). 

Comments

[Joan D'Arc]

Oh, how true this is!!! Now that I live in a community that is "outside" the military culture, I have many conversations surrounding some of the things mentioned in this post (and in your "wacky civilians" post). The military is definitely a lifestyle and culture that many people just don't get - you can't unless you live it!

[Mrs. P]

AMEN! haha, I cracked up when I read this, I'm a newly married Marine wife, my husband is in Iraq and he wanted me to stay in the town my family is from while he is gone... so I did... and some of the questions I get are CRAZY! HELLO I'm STILL HUMAN!!! Things just work differently for my husband and I
favorite :"oh you poor think that must really suck, I could never do it" Thanks for the encouragement guys...
haha... : 9

Semper Fi,
Mrs. P

[Marine Wife]

I agree with Mrs. P. I live in a small town but I get questions like "Aren't you scared" and "don't you hate moving all the time". AHHHHH. So frustrating.

[nessluvsjess05@yahoo.com]

How about this one..."AREN'T YOU MAD?" Yep I got that one from a reporter last August when my husband left. All I could say to her was "who should I be mad at?"

[dizzylizzie]

oooh my personal favorite "did he kill anybody while he was over there?"

[LAW]

My favourite: don't let him kill anyone... Oh living and working up here in a non military state... jeeeeez. talk about DUMB questions and stupider people. and that deep voiced "oh, you pooooooooor thing".... and getting patted.. SHUT UP. you want to do something, come mow my yard.. so I find people around me who are or have been military, so they understand!

[Andi]

Yes, civilians are always fascinated with how often we move. That, and the amount of time we spend apart from our spouse.

Nessluvsjess - Why am I not surprised that a "reporter" would ask you that question?

I've heard many spouses complaint about the "kill" question. Rightly so, that is way out of bounds....

[Lorrette]

This was great, and so bang on.
Thank you.

[Army D/W]

Too funny! I have only been a civilian for 3 years of my long life (thank goodness I'm not a dog~I'd be dead at my age!), so the questions I get from civilians CRACK ME UP! It took me a very long time to learn that not all children's fathers wore camo to work????

I love, totally love, gives me great pleasure and glee to answer the most stupid of questions phrased by civilians with the same question aimed at them.

It might go something like this:
?- "OOOoooooh! Don't you miss your husband?"

A- "When your husband is not with you, do you miss him?"

Here's my rational~the military is just a part of our society. We don't get "bred" like cattle~we are not genetically engineered, we begin (well other people do, not me little Ms.3 years without an ID card) as Soldiers and MilSpouses any more than "they" begin as Dr.'s, teachers, secretarys, and so on.

Usually the rephrased question throws off the truly "dumb" and causes the ones with 1/2 a brain to be totally ashamed of their voyerisim. Because that's what it boils down to, "we" the military are in the news, like the stars of Hollyweird, we are conversation pieces and therefore the general public feel personal ownership.

Some civilan's believe in most cases that they can, and have the right to ask us anything. They are tax payers after all, they support our lifestyle~they have ownership of us......how many of you pay taxes? ;)

No one in America is "born" for their adult position, we hope that we find what works for us, but there's no "golden rule" to become anything. Members of the military are human and their spouses (that's for MaintToad1 ;) are human as well. Our privacy is no different than theirs, and calling them politely with a smile on their inconsiderate questions usually stops them in their tracks~and hopefully saves some other MilSpouse from them in the future.

We have to defeat them through education. :) Slow, deleberate, education. Tell them who you are and what your boundrys are, no more, no less. We are part of the same society they are.

My son and I wear matching T-shirts on weekends mine says "My husband is defending our freedom. What does your husband do?" The Man Cubs says "My Daddy is defending our freedom. What does your Daddy do?"

A question for a question. Those shirts BTW can be purchased on Cafepress ;) MaintToad1~they have them that say "My wife" too ;) Let's all wear them on Saturdays!!!!!!

[Andi]

Army D/W - Bravo! Well done.

[Army D/W]

Andi, I have to confess. If I'm having one of those "days" I've been known to burst into tears (for dramatic effect) and sob while clutching to total strangers when they ask one of those totally stupid questions like,

? "How do you do it?" heavy sigh, laced with pitty.....

Answer from me, big bottom lip quiver....deeeeeep intake of air.....gulp...more air...and break out in wracking gut wrenching sobbs...."I don't know?????? I just gulpgulpgulp mix another pitcher of margarita's and drink them down, and cry and cry and cry.....then my son comes home from Kindergarten and I have him get me another margarita....."

you get the picture. Sometime's the cashier at Target has to get the manager to escort me to a private place where I can "get control" but I can promise that the person asking the question won't do that again.

I feel it's my personal duty as a Drama Queen to assist all of you out there from ever having to deal with that particular "stupid person" yourself. No thanks necessary, I love my "work". ;)

We must defeat them through education. Slow, deleberate education, one at a time. Show them who we are~strong, independent members of THEIR society whose spouse has the most honored and trusted occupation in the world. "What does your husband do?"

I'll step down off my chest thumping soap box. Have a glourious day!

ps: I've only done the sobbing thing a few times, sometime's it just one well placed tear and a sniff and they get the picture. Oh and I've really never had a manager come get me, but the "Ma-roon" asking the question sure did wish they would! :o)

[Andi]

Army D/W - Baby steps....

[Army D/W]

I asked another Army wife friend the other day "Why is it "booz" and "cigs" are tax free but Prozac is not covered by Try-Care?" :o)

A member of my husband's family asked me not long ago "why dosen't he retire? He could." Yes. I know and he knows that "He could". He has been in the Army 22+ years. I smiled and asked "how many Dr.'s do you know who retire at 20 years?...better yet how 'bout Senators?"

I try very hard to consider the source(s)...usually a civilian who has NEVER been tired, cold, wet and/or hungry, and lets not even go there to the "shot at" part. I haven't either (not for long at least) and I thank the soldiers that defend our nation for that. There is a population of civilian's that just think "that's the way it's SUPPOSED to be." for them, no question, no sacrafice, fat, warm and happy.

My Daddy (who hung the moon) and I call it the: "POOF! FREEDOM" syndrome. Then we make sure our "Freedome isn't free" magnets are on our cars, beside the "Land of the Free~Because of the BRAVE" ones.

whew! I get nosebleeds from this soap box!

[SoldiersGirl]

Ooo-- I want one of those bumperstickers! I have the one that says, My man fights for our freedom so that yours doesn't have to.

*handing you a hankey for your nose*
Preach on!!

[Bouncer's x wife]

The sad thing is when our MATE has met another military person and the spouse is released back into the wild after 10 years of service to country too, with bad credit from the divorce and no work history for that time period. It's like releasing a Zoo animal, unprepared, into the wild with a broken heart and no skills to feed itself. Also the military will protect the straying mate and his income which really adds insult to injury!

[Bouncer's x wife]

The sad thing is when our MATE has met another military person and the spouse is released back into the wild after 10 years of service to country too, with bad credit from the divorce and no work history for that time period. It's like releasing a Zoo animal, unprepared, into the wild with a broken heart and no skills to feed itself. Also the military will protect the straying mate and his income which really adds insult to injury!

[Bouncer's x wife]

The sad thing is when our MATE has met another military person and the spouse is released back into the wild after 10 years of service to country too, with bad credit from the divorce and no work history for that time period. It's like releasing a Zoo animal, unprepared, into the wild with a broken heart and no skills to feed itself. Also the military will protect the straying mate and his income which really adds insult to injury!

[Becky Coleman]

The worst thing a civilian ever said to me was, "I don't know why you are worried. This really isn't a war to be scared about!" My response was oh, you must be right, the Army just gives me family separation pay and my husband earns endangerment pay for nothing, Huh? A by stander said, I think you better leave this one alone. - I guess I didn't get my doughnuts that day. Rock on- FREEDOM ISN'T FREE! Thanks and admiration goes to all those who have placed their lives on the alter of freedom, for me.

[Michelle Linette]

I love this. It does become daunting when you hear the same questions over and over! My favorite ones are about the children - "How does it affect the children? They must have a hard time with their father being gone..." etc. Of course! But I'm not some psychologist who understands all of the ins and outs of how this affects them. They've always been military brats, so their father is gone often. It's part of life and they live it. I'm sure they miss him, but we have full lives and are very busy with school, sports, "family" outings, etc. I don't think that they feel cheated. Of course, when they are older, I know there will be some resentment. Who DOESN'T harbor some little resentment for a decision his/ her parents made when they were growing up!?

And by the way...I LOVE my life.

:)Michelle Linette

[Mari]

and then the one, well he volunteered, didn't he, he can just quit? Well, yeah, let's bring the draft back and then your 18 year old son who sits around playing Nintendo will be in the middle of things and then see what you say about freedoms and the right to speak what you think and do.

[Amy S Baker]

Oh my gosh, I was laughing my butt off reading this!! How true! Sometimes I do feel that way, especially when I talk to my friends from my hometown that say, oh my gosh, how can you go for 7 months with no (you know what) and no help from your husband, how can you raise your kids by yourself? There are two answers: 1) I am not alone. I live in a military town and I have other wives that are all going through the same thing and we help each other and 2) I love my husband with all of my heart. He is my soulmate. As far as those stupid civilians who say, how much of my taxpaying dollars go to her sitting there eating her doughnuts. I have to laugh in their faces. We pay taxes and the difference between us and them is that we're willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING for our country. Yes, even the wives because we send our husbands off to war not knowing if they're going to make it back at all or for the birth of their children. And if they think I sit on my butt all day long, they've got another thing coming. I have a house to clean, laundry to do, dinner to cook and dishes to wash, two kids that have homework, rooms and need to be bathed. I have to be mommy and daddy. I'm sorry I've rambled on, but this is one of my biggest pet peeves about civilians.

[AF Wife to Matt]

This is awesome! I have to agree with all of you ladies. It's funny that no matter where you are, the same questions come up. And even more funny that we're viewed as some type of creatures rather than real people. Military life has been rather difficult on me from the start. I got married, 1 month later my husband was sent off to training. and 1 month after that, our son was born. did it all on my own. My husband is still in training (yea, he's one of those hard heads. basic he flew by. Tech school different story), which means our almost 7 month old has been without his daddy. But through all of this, I love being a military wife. It makes me proud to know my husband is taking part in something he feels so strongly about. And is also in part of fighting for our freedom. For these civilians, I just try to ignore the stupid questions and remarks.

[NavywifeFite24]

Wow!! Many of you are going through the same things I am going through at this time. I am probably the newest kid on the block with my husband and I being at his first duty station for a month today; however, I get the funny and sometimes snide remarks from civilians like the ones mentioned above or ones that come from the people who know you that wonders who did I irritate in Heaven so that I can go through hell as a military wife (LOL).

Anyway...I digress. My personal favorite is when the person who is asking you questions about being a military spouse interjects that they have a distant cousin (that they haven't seen in a million years) in the service so they know exactly what I am going through. Being that they know exactly what I am going through, they try to offer things that they want to do for me to do so that I won't be too upset when my husband is deployed.

With all that being said, I find it funny that mostly all civilians want to know is (1) will my husband kill someone, (2) when is he getting deployed to Iraq, (3) how do I feel about the war, and (4) when are we coming home? So I answer them the following way: 1. Yes, he will kill himself if doesn't hold on to the boat like he is supposed to instead of pretending he is mister macho. 2. As far as he knows, Iraq isn't the place he should be concerned about if he leaves his underwear on the floor one more time. 3. I feel as if the war is taking too much attention away from the really important stuff in life like the new romance movies that repeat on tv, who is having the best clearance sale between Macy's and JC Penney's, and when Haagen-Daas, Ben & Jerry's, or Dove go on sale. 4. As far as I can tell, I am home because wherever I can spend my husband's money, there I will be also.

[Ann Snow]

Try being a milspouse from the '60's. It's not so funny anymore, is it?

[srblue]

Wow. I'm a military wife too, but I married into the military late and found the lifestyle to be a big adjustment, so I can sympathize with people who don't understand it. What really shocks me and disappoints me, though, is the anger and hatred so many of you have for the civilians your spouses are fighting for. I believe several of you called them stupid and/or lazy in your posts. It's almost as bad as racism - just because people are different from you, you assume they are inferior or somehow bad rather than trying to build understanding. It takes a lot of bravery and sacrifice to be a military spouse and I am extremely grateful. The family is really in service, too, not just the service member. I understand that it gets stressful and exhausting at times. But don't let it make you angry and hateful to everyone who is not just like you.

[crragain]

my all time fave comment that made me SOOOOO mad was when some one said "just think how much money you will have if he dies!" That is just so awful to say to some one!!!! They got the stupid award of the year!!

[29 Year AF Spouse]

It's true, education is the key to understanding, and it sometimes feel like a losing battle. I was once told that as a military spouse I was considered a transient and was not employable! Even our family members don't fully support what we're doing and resent the time we spend away from home 'not taking on our fair share of family responsibilities', as though raising our children to be strong, confident Americans in a place they don't even speak English is not really a 'family responsibility.' I discovered fairly early in my husband's career that I absolutely could not live this life without my faith. We have raised 3 children (now adults with families of their own) who are hard-working, compassionate, well-rounded, and able to deal with whatever life throws at them BECAUSE they were 'military brats'and learned to deal with change from the very beginning. One of them is now a military spouse, and another is on delayed enlistment waiting for a training date. My husband will retire in 6 months after 30 years and 15 bases, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. And my children will tell you the same thing. May God bless your families as He has ours.

[La]

I am 30 and became a milspouse just 2 years ago. It is a completely different lifestyle and I would be lying if I said I like it. I can say this, those women who have done the military life for most their adult lives are the strongest women I know. And I do agree that women who are full time moms/wives do more in a day than most career civilians. Being a mom is a 24/7 job and being a wife is just the same. I have learned that the milspouse has to be the foundation in order for the military life to work. The milspouse is also making sacrifices to support thier soldier. And much respect is owed for that act alone.

[NavywifeFite24]

To me, it is all in how you look at it. I think it is funny that others who have no clue as to the thoughts you have in your mind or the lonely days and night you have (for those like me who have no children), or the times where media is overloading the television with the war to the point where it is sickening think all you do all day is sit around feeling sorry for ourselves and pity for our husbands. I find it funny that they won't understand what we do and how powerful we are as milspouses. Yes, we do have to go through separation from out spouses which could be upsetting at times; nevertheless, we are the ones who keep everything afloat. We are the true backbone of the family and of this great nation by allowing our spouses to feel free enough to do something they love. So as I do have things in perspective as a milspouse, I choose to look at the humor of the situation versus the literal concept of it all. Despite differences in times, I know that my thoughts and sentiments can be appreciated on some level because we all have had them.

[jcastanon]

i have only been part of the military lifestlye for about 4 months now.its hard but all that i read was true..and sometimes i do feel like that.i always get asked the same questions and its hard to hold back tears when i know that i wont see my husband for a nice big chunk of time.and well the military life style is kind of like hollywood...sort of.everyone and anyone want to know what goes on but only the every few really expierence it.i am thankful for all husbands/wives that are out there doing what they can to keep our country free...and of course the spouses that keep strong while all of this going on.

[Sara]

I am new to the military family and my husband hasn't been to Iraq yet so maybe I am just still inoscent, but do you ever wonder if they just don't know what else to say.

[Sara]

Ok... I meant I can understand some of what they say... but not when they talk about death or killing people that is totally inappropriate!!!

crragain I am not sure what I would have said if someone said that to me... I may have lost it. What did you do?

[Navywife in Corpus]

My DH and I got married prior to him enlisting... by 2 years. So we lived the "civilian" life prior to the "military" life. My perspective on all the questions mentioned before has changed. It went from thinking it was a genuine concern to thinking that the person asking the question was a complete and total jerk and stupid.

We all miss our spouses when they are away, regardless if it is a buisness trip for some blue collar business or it's an overseas tour of duty. We all miss out on the "carnal pleasures" when our spouses are gone, Buisness men miss out on their children's first steps, first words and sometimes even their births because of travel, what makes their lifes any diffrent from any of our husbands?! Oh yeah, the simple fact that they aren't fighting for our freedom. They wouldn't lay their lives on the line for everything that they hold dear, they would rather hide behind some political BS and cry about how "unfair" the war is. Guess what, Life isn't fair. People have to make sacrafices, and the brave men and women who sarcrifice more then others are the ones I'm proud to say that live around me, that work with my husband and even have spent time "hanging out" at my house.

And when faced with the "stupid" questions, I do exactly as a previous poster suggested, turn the question around, Do they miss their husband when they are gone? I also have no problems with letting them know, don't judge a book by it's cover, because this book is no where near what the cover looks like, and don't judge me, my family or my friends, untill you walk a mile in my shoes!

[Kasey]

This was great! I'm new to being a military spouse, but it seemed like as soon as we exchanged vows I was being asked questions I had no idea the answers to! I hadn't even moved to Lackland yet and was supposed to be answering questions about life on base and Tricare and his job! I always love to hear from long-time military wives. It helps us newbies out a lot.

[Air Force Wife and Proud]

I get alot of "I'm sorry". Sorry for what? I'm the one that fell in love with him, married him, and had kids with him. He's the one that joined the millitary before I met him. Your sorry for what??. You didn't make the choice for me. Sure it is hard having them gone, but that is just part of the job. We learn to deal with it and accept it as it comes.

[riterwings]

Thanks for the story. I have been an Army wife since my husband and I BOTH were ROTC cadets. I spent 12 years in the Army. We are now going on 22 years. And it is a tough decision of whether to keep going (of course retirement is not an option right now anyway). But I do know my husband will always put the soldiers first and he will not wait three years and for his own retirement to speak up on their behalf like some of our senior officers have done during this war. Though I do commend them for stepping up to try to oust the Sec Def. He's done a lousy job.

Some "Army" towns are also alien to what I call the 'real' Army. And yes, with 14 moves and working at the tactical platoon level to the Pentagon myself, I do realize it takes everyone, soldiers, civilians, and contractors, to make this Army work now.

However, we live in a so-called Army town now, which consists of only 2,000 soldiers (on a good day) and tens of thousands of civilians and defense contractors. It's an Army town, not a 'soldier' town. They design systems for the 'future' and current Army. I have to say it was a bit of a shock when we first came here (and we've even been at smaller Army posts). Even though my husband is now a Lt. Col. and we make a good living (after 22 years) to see the extravagance on homes and just general living here was a great surprise. Upon arrival and eavesdropping on conversations, I found more concern over who gives the best pedicures than about the best way to secure Iraq and Afghanistan.

It breaks my heart when soldiers are living on food stamps, sending packages over to loved ones in Iraq at maybe the expense of not paying some bills each month, at the meager combat pay those in uniform get, VA disability ratings of some of our severely injured soldiers, etc. I could go on. At our rank, we can afford it. But I remember those who can't. The very backbone of our Army. Of course, you all know we are not allowed to complain. I do complain on behalf of soldiers. That is my responsibility as a wife and as a veteran. (Though some would rather I just shut up.)

It's hard to be around all of this 'wealth' knowing that things are not so grand for our uniformed. My daughter went to a school in OK where most kids were on reduced lunch or free lunch due to parents' Army income levels. Here, some kids think free lunch is what their parents provide them when they give them a whopping 50 dollar bill for the day and keep the change.

Yes, I know we don't join to make money (remember I've been in this from the beginning with the tight paychecks and the living month to month ourselves with our combined $200 a month as cadets and no parental support through our college years).

I hate that there aren't soldiers here. I think all contractors need daily contact with soldiers to see exactly who it is they are working for. But I wouldn't want soldiers to see the extravagance here or even listen to some people more concerned that their Army program stays intact, even if it serves the soldier no purpose, ensuring they keep their high paid civilian job while some soldiers struggle to make ends meet.

I have even had a civilian worker tell me that she has no sympathy for Army spouses because they knew what they were getting into. Hmmm. Do we indeed realize all of this in the beginning? Hey, at 19, I don't think so.

I made a film concerning some young people's decisions to enter the Army. It's very dramatic and in your face reality. And sacrificing for their country wasn't at the top of the list on why they joined. It was, however, to make a better life for themselves than what they had in their hometown (read no jobs, healthcare, etc.)

Well, I think I should set up a blog. I've seen the Army as an officer, as an Army wife from the VERY beginning of her husband's career (in college) as a reservist and now as an 'alien' active duty family living in an 'alien' army town.

Thanks again for your post.

[Rasheda]

I agree with alot of the post made. I think alot of people who have never served or been spouses dont or cant understand what it is we do. I have been a Navy wife of 14years. I thank god everyday that my husaband has only had to do the WestPacs that he has been required to do. But that can change with his job since he is a Corpmen. I have family who think we live on bases for free. I wish!!! I had some who thought they get paid so much moeny buy i had fun clueing them in on that. i learned real early you dont join for the money!!! Its not easy with navy life we move every 3years and you have to learn to make the best of it. My Brother-in-law is a W-2 in the Army serving somewhere over in the MiddleEast for 18 months we cant know where. He flies the plane and we call his wife all the time. I asked her how she can deal with him being gone so much. But he has done that since they where married. He was a Ranger first. So she said the same to me that she says to the families and friends i just deal with it. Love him and wait for him to come home Safe!!!! When it come down to it what eles can you do?

[KRG]

I agree, thank you ladies, and gentleman :) for being strong role models for us newbies to look up to! I'm not a "milspouse" yet, but its in the works! I'm finding that not only do you have to find security within yourself, but you have to trust and understand everything you don't understand!!! I've recently ended a friendship over my choice to be a "milspouse", she kept asking questions over and over and didnt like my answers because she didnt understand them! Its sad that I find more comfort in reading posts from a bunch of strangers than I do in my girlfriends here! They think they know it all cuz they know someone that knows someone that was in the military! Its ridiculous the questions I get, and I'm not even married to him yet, and the questions dont come from strangers, the questions come from those closest to me! I guess they don't know how to support me! They dont have to agree with my choices, or even understand, because there is still a lot I dont understand! But I have faith in my relationship with my fiance', and I know whether he is in the desert again or in another state in training, his sole mission is to come home to me! Thats what I have to beleive in, thats what keeps me sane! Keep writing, and I will keep reading! And thank you again for taking us newbies under your protective wing, I know I will pay it forward in time once I have done my time!!

[Patricia E Wisecup]

My husband retired with 26yrs in the ANG in 2000.In 2003 He died at the age of 58.Losing my best friend ,my one and only love was the ending of my life,I went through hell trying to get past the grief. I applied for the surviving spouse benifit and another kind of hell started. One would think that the service person is the only one to face a war,think again, I have been fighting the military for my benifit all this time. They say they didn't get my husbands election for surviving spouse. I found a copy of his election in a box of his military records in the garage.I spoke with the men that he worked with at the Springfield and was told that they know that he filled out the forms and mailed them. I wonder if the man that had the computer stole from his home also took paperwork with him that got lost. My husband and I were married almost 40 yrs and he took care of me and his family. His children kept his home going while he was off in foriegn countries fighting for our government. I have had two congressional inquries trying to get this benifit that my husband earned for me. I spoke with a military rep who came to our town to help us. I showed him copies of all the paperwork and he told me he could not help me,He told me that the burden of proof(that my husband sent in the form) was on me. I am still fighting fopr this and even though I am a disabled senior citizen I will keep on fighting.So remember spouse if you think that your spouse is the only one to be in combat wait until something happens to them and see how fast the military turns their back on you. I wish you all well and pray for your families and spouses.God bless you
Patricia Wisecup
wife of Willard Wisecup Jr
who gave 26yrs of his life to the ANG out of Springfield Ohio
It irks me to know that the military can sponser a car in the Winston races and keep me from getting my benifits

[Marcia Norris]

I became a military widow last year after 15 years of marriage and now I am raising three kids on my own. One thing I learned after my husband died was noone wanted to be my friend anymore because they didn't want to look at me and what I had lost because someday they could possibly face the same horrible tragedy so their thought was out of sight out of mind. Please Please Please if you know someone who has lost thier spouse don't throw them away. This is the time when they need friends the most. I moved away after a while and now live in a civillian town and when people see the base stickers they always inquire and I am at a loss of what to say anymore. No civillians really want to get to know me because as soon as I mention widow off they go. Being a military spouse was hard enough but being a military widow is much worse. If you can find a friend who will be there for you then hold onto them and make sure you are there when they need you as well...I still support everyone who is out there defendng our country as well as the families that are on the homefront. Once a military wife always a military wife...thanks

[kaydiste]

I've read that allot of you consider civilians "DUMB", "STUPID", "JERKS"....what have you. Not every one of us were born into the military. Most of us, were civilians first. And most of us had questions & CONCERNS about what our spouses job & responsibilities would be. I can't believe the disrespect that some of you are showing, all the while YOU demand respect.

[MistressBlu]

Ooohhh I so loved reading that article and laughed my butt off. I have been a Seabee Wife for the last 15 years and let me tell you it has not been a picnic! I wouldn't trade a single day of it for the world though. We are tough and we can handle anything they throw at us, be it a hurricane in the middle of deployment with 3 kids under 10 years old, or a week of no sleep because they all came down with chicken pox and the flu in the middle of winter! Whatever it is, I will deal with it, because I am a Seabee wife and Seabee wives "Can Do!" .....I get so sick of the questions though, "Isn't it hard?", Well hell yes it's hard!, but you learn to cope and you deal with it. If you can't deal...you don't last a year LOL I hate the looks we get with those questions from civilians...when they say,"ooh poor things, where's the dad?" "Do you miss him?" "Oh my...I hope he isn't being shot at." Get over your worthless pitying and try sending a care package overseas to a young soldier who may not have any family. I love my husband and I know what he does and why he does it. I may just be a caged animal...come closer and rattle my cage to find out if I bite. OORAH for military wives!!

[NavyWife79]

Great article! Although I haven't had a whole lot of that experience as a military wife, I definitely remember dealing with similar encounters when I was younger as a military brat. A couple of times it was like watching people see a cute puppy or kitten (read: "Ooohhh....how CUTE!!!). Don't ever forget that the military kids out there. They're having to deal with parents being gone just like the spouses are. And they're just as sensitive to the ignorance and naivitey out there.

[MilFiance]

I completely understand where all of you are coming from but I do feel you are being a bit harsh. I was a civilian my entire life and just recently entered a military family. While it still hurts and hits a soft spot when you husband is fighting in Iraq, it's not as if the so called civilian MEANT to hurt your feelings are ask a dumb question. Most likely they are just concerned and as you guys said they do not understand the military life. If they are a rude reporter, that's one thing, but just a friendly neighbor or person at the grocery store asking how your children are doing while their daddy is gone for 2 years is not an unreasonable question. After all, your men (and women of course!) are fighting for the freedom of these so-called "dumb" civilians. And I respect all of you, trust me I do, just take a step down and relate with people who are not familiar with the military. If you became a doctor tomorrow, I am sure you too would have a lot of questions.
I respect military as well as hard-working, caring, civilians!

[G.Miller]

This article hit so close to home...I laughed through the whole thing...then I laughed even harder while reading some of the comments. :)

When my husband (who was prior service) went to IOBC, my two small kids and I moved in with my parents in a small town in the panhandle of Texas. Everytime someone asked me about my husband I got that "oh poor you" sigh when I mentioned where he was. Then the sighs would change to "Oh I don't know how you do it" when I'd say he'll be deploying towards the end of the year. At first, I was mad. It was like these people didn't know that I could function without my husband. Then I took a step back and realized that these wives have had their husbands home every night for supper since they got married...I think in my 6 years of marriage my husband has been home for supper maybe 30 days. :) But you know, I was there when he VOLUNTEERED to do this, so I'm rolling with the punches. And now that I'm back on post, living with the military community, I couldn't imagine being back in the civilian world. Many people asked me if I would move home when my husband deploys and my answer is always the same "I am home." :) Home is where there are hundreds of wives going thru the exact same crap you are going thru. It's the only place that you have instant family. :) So now I smile and nod when people say "Oh I don't know how you do this" and I think "I wouldn't do it any other way."

[Heather]

This article and these posts remind me why I love being an Army Wife. My husband has only been in the Army 8 going on 9 years, but it's been the best years of my life. Many of you probably share the situation of being under the same roof for extremely short periods of time. In the 8 years that we've been together we've only been in the same house for 3 1/2 of those. Each and every time we go back home to visit, we get the same questions, when are you coming home for good? Aren't you tired of moving? Don't you hate being in the military? Are you for or against the war? Some of these people treat us like we are from another planet, never mind the zoo! My husband is in the process of medical retirement after a back injury during his second deployment to Iraq. He's ready to get out, but I'm not. The military is all that our family knows. And the prospect of moving to a community where there are NO military scares the tar out of me. We have been surrounded by military for the last 8 years and to be taken out of that atmosphere worries me to death.

I think that we as milspouses ARE, in fact, a rare species of human beings. Many of us tackle the day to day of FTX, SGT's Time, Change of Commands, Field Problems, Balls, Gallas, and Teas, never mind the laundry, bills, cooking dinner, grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, cleaning house, kids in school, sports, homework, a job outside of home, college, and Family Readiness Groups. We can multitask like it's nobody's business, we are organized to the point that we can tell our kids where something is without thinking, and we can pack, move and clear housing in 3 days. We don't claim to be supermoms, but we sure qualify for the respect of those around us. We can have conversation with another spouse without saying a word and we know how hard times can get. It's a way of life that we all become accustomed to and we don't mind because it's OUR job.

I love my life and my job. I just wish civilians could love what our husbands do without all the questions.

[Rudemason]

As hard as it is for women think about the guys. There are very few of us men married to military. I don't fit in with her friends and most of you women don't know what to think when I'm out with my son on base. U.S.M.C. Husband

[Andi]

I think most of us realize that civilians can't be expected to fully understand military life/culture. Having said that, some of these stores are still funny and yes, sometimes infurating. As I said on another posting, "don't worry, we know not all civilians are like this, it's just funny to point out how oblivious some of them are to military life. In my experience, most of these "encounters" have been harmless, innocent blunders, but amusing and mind-boggling nonetheless..."

I think, as with any segment of society, there are those civilians who are a bit over-the-top with their questions, comments and assumptions.

Here at SpouseBUZZ, we celebrate civilians whom our spouses protect and defend. The overwhelming majority of civilians are supportive of our military. Speaking for myself, I greatly appreciate their support.

Below are some examples of civilians going above and beyond the call of duty (so to speak) in order to make our lives better:

http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2006/10/re_honorable_ci.html

http://www.spousebuzz.com/blog/2006/10/honorable_civil.html

[Beth Bullock]

Being an army brat my whole life and marrying into it I have had to deal with this forever. My youngest son is the product of the war. I love to hear all the comments and they make me laugh often. She hit the nail on the head. Military wives do not feel sorry for themselves. We are very strong and we do not give ourselves enough credit. hooooah! to us all!!

[Melanie]

As a military wife, I find it hard not to be angry with "civilians" who don't always think through their comments, but I also understand that it is their right. I get angry because my husband does not. While having lunch one day (just off base in Dayton, Ohio), a college student approached him and called him a "baby killer". My husband simply replied, "I serve in the military so you can say that." If we lose sight of the reason our spouses serve, we are no better than the civilians who don't think before they speak.

On a side note, I also take pride in being a military wife. I choose to be a stay at home mom and I can run the house without my husband. I am the one who kisses boo-boos and washes clothes. I am the one who makes dinner and puts away the dishes. On occasion, I am the one to take out the trash and fix the leaky faucet. I am confident that should something happen to my husband, we will survive. Maybe I am a caged animal, but you won't want to fight me if I am released.

[shan]

What a great posting! I feel many different things when approached by others regarding being a milspouse. The one i feel the most is pity though, because they will never know the pride of being a military spouse. And when i get the few questions that cross the line or anger me...i answer them as such, "He's over there fighting so you can ask me questions like that." That usually shuts them up quick. I don't consider this people dumb, but i do consider them rude. I don't ask about their personal lives, please don't poke into mine.

[kimberly]

haha this was hilarious!!!

[Army D/W]

"Ask me anything" magnet!
I think I have one? Don't know where I got it? Don't know how to get rid of it? But I think I have one.

As far back as I can remember people/strangers for the most part have asked me unusual questions.
"How tall are you?"
"Is that your natural hair color?"
"How much did that cost?"

Hello? Who are these people and why are they talking to me? The civilian's who ask those questions offensive hurtful "soldier" questions, are just part of that same "herd" of strangers who see my "Ask me anything" magnet. For the most part they are harmless and courious and honestly feel a need to know. I appear accessable? Tall and friendly!

My issue with those people both military and civilian are the questions that are NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Whether civilian or military there are things that you just don't ask someone....unless of course like me they have that darn magnet stuck to their foreheads!!

non-military question a week ago in the commissary a man asked me "Just how tall are you?"....I said "I'll tell you how tall I am if you tell me how much you weigh." He was shocked! Then offended (he was a bit portly)! Then realized he never really meant to ask me that out loud! and embarrassed!

Sometime's you just have to know you are wearing a magnet. Milspouses and their offspring are in the news~like the stars of Hollyweird we are going to get noticed by the good intending and the not so informed....

Education is key~baby steps are necessiary.

[Sandy Murphy]

when I read this it made me laugh...Yes at times we all feel caged..waiting for the Military to tell us where we are moving..and how things are going to go..There are times when people do stare and I have heard some comments..but I usually come back with something smarter they the adverage bear...lol The trick I have found is Stand proud..It takes one hell of a Woman to be a Military spouse and a Proud one at that!!

[Tina]

I have to apologize to all of you who have used this article to expand your horizons. I am apologizing for NOT reading ALL of the articles...because I have a life. One that I CHOSE! I was not only raised as a military brat...with that hatred and anger for what everyone calls "stupid" people (which just shows your insecurity) but I am now married to one, with a family. One that has a job EVERYDAY where he may not come back. We did the war BEFORE your spouses even THOUGHT about it. My family and I were there FIRST HAND before the US even released television footage. We have seen more than all of you could ever imagine in your lives...with the exception of those active duty, of course. I'm trying to prove my point that these postings seem to be a place to bit#h and moan. Try using your Ombudsman for issues that you post. Try all the other avenues that our government gives US in lieu of our endeavors. Complaining will get you no-where.

One poster stated that "we are the backbone of our families". When do you people start taking the responsibilities of the actions you chose when you said "I Do"? When do you start showing everyone that you CAN be the backbone...instead of complaining. I have come across all avenues of what most of you post. There are no stupid questions or stupid people. There is only ignorance.

[KCG]

Well unfortunatly, there are people out there that think thier opinion is fact, and that I actually care to hear it! We all know opinions are like a-holes, everyones got 'em! Its our responsibility to put in in perspective for those who are just blowing hot air, and when you do come back and say my husband, fiance', wife, brother, father, mother, or sister are fighting right now to give you the right to talk to me that way...they will step back and think! They don't have to agree with the war or why we are over there, but they know if we were in a 3rd world country, they wouldn't DARE speak out against the Military! I'm a civialian marrying into the military, my dad was in Vietnam, but got out of the Navy before he met my mom! My fiance is in the Army, and I am doing my level best to learn, to learn patience, and the lingo...LOL! As a civilian, I have always had the utmost RESPECT for our Armed Forces, but not all civilians were raised that way! Its not thier fault, they are a product of thier enviornment! Its our responsibility to have patience for those that are, lets say ignorant, or uneducated! Our loved ones are fighting for thier rights as well!

[NavyWife5-0]

I just came across this blog this morning after I packed my Navy husband off for a cross-country trip to his new assignment in Washington State. I, like several of the folks above, am new to the "military spouse" circle...at 50 years of age! My husband and I married over 2 years ago and we believed we would retire shortly (5 more years) and finish out our career on the east coast.(My father was a career Army officer, but I really don't recall much about that as I was very young when he retired.) We bought a house, I got a job and we thought we were set.....Not a chance! The Navy had other plans and the housing market has bottomed out, so out to Washington he went while I am forced to stay behind, a long way from family and friends, to take care of the eventual (hopefully) sale of the house. I'm not really angry at the civilians who really don't understand. Actually, my "civilian" friends have supported me far more than the military spouses/groups or the Navy itself. I also have had the personal experience of "the Army way" as my 21 year old daughter recently completed a deployment in Iraq with a National Guard unit. From my experience, the Family Support Group for my daughter's unit took far superior care of their families as compared to the Navy. I have had absolutely zero support/encouragement/contact with anyone from the Navy...dissolutioned, yep, very much so. And free housing? I don't know how the other services treat their families, but without my additional income, I hate to think where we would have to live...no base housing for folks like us!

[laurie]

I am not a military spouse but, I have 3 children in the Navy. My dad was a Captain in the Army in the 60's and My Uncle was a Marine durning that time also. So, I know how the Military works. My daughter who is Navy Corpman for the Marines and her husband who is also the same. He has just returned from Irag about 3 weeks ago. My son who is now training the Navy recruits was also in Irag 3 times. It has been extremly difficult for the family and yes people who are close to us ask questions like the ones posted. I answer them with compassion and understanding. I try and explain it the way you would to a small child. These people really do not understand what is like to be on a constant live wire. We hold our breath till our loved ones get home and we have had to maintain everything. So, next time someone asks these questions, remember to expalin it to them like you would a child. All of you who are wives, mothers, kids,dads, We here stand up and give praise for a job very well done.

[Brian]

The Military Wife

The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into His sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, "Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model?"

The Lord replied, "Have you seen the specs on this order. She has to be completely independent, possess the qualities of both a father and mother, be a perfect hostess to four or forty with an hour's notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, even if she is pregnant and has the flu, and she must be willing to move to a new location ten times in seventeen years. And, oh yes, she must have six pairs of hands!"

The angel shook her head, "Six pairs of hands? No way.

The Lord continued, "Don't worry I will make other military wives to help her. And I will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband's achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it is overworked and tired, and be large enough to say, 'I understand' when she doesn't and say 'I love you', regardless."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his arm gently. "Go to bed and get some rest. You can finish this tomorrow."

"I can't stop now," said the Lord. "I am so close to creating something unique. Already this model heals herself when she is sick, can put up six unexpected guests for the weekend, wave good-bye to her husband from a pier, a runway or a depot, and understand why it's important that he leaves."

The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, "It looks fine, but it's too soft."

"She might look soft," replied the Lord. "But she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure."

Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord's creation. "There's a leak," she announced. "Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model."

The Lord appeared offended at the angel's lack of confidence. "What you see is not a leak," He said. "It's a tear." "A tear?” “What is it there for?" asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "It's for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear."

"You are a genius!" exclaimed the angel.

The Lord looked puzzled and replied, "I didn't put it there."

Author Unknown

[Tina]

Kudos to Brian. A job well done. Enough said.

[Christy]

This one is a scream...my husband was working at CENTCOM during 9/11, they went to 16 hour-plus shifts. My own husband went to the night shift. A civilian actually said to me, "you must be enjoying ALL THAT EXTRA SALARY YOUR HUSBAND IS GETTING." HAHAHAHAHA! I'm NOT kidding! ;}

[Retired Navy Wife]

To Patricia Wisecup....if you have still not gotten any satisfaction if receiving your survivor's benefits...run, don't walk to your nearest Senator's office....they usually have an aid that deal in military problems/VA....remember too, this is an election year...get tough fight for your right...make lots of copies of the form he filled out do not give the one you have to anyone...only copies...I wish you luck and I will pray for you...losing your loved one is bad enough there is no excuse for what you are going through!

[Bad Kitty]

Though the story amused me, many of the following comments didn't. I married into the military with no real prior experiance with it. My uncle was in the army during non war time so the family never went through deployment. I haven't been so lucky however. Right after graduating basic my mate was shipped to Iraq and stayed for the whole year. Once he got back he had to start fighting to get a house so I could move out to be with him. This took close to six months, and no it isn't free even on base. By the time I got moved, he got transferred to another unit that was going to Iraq in just over a month. His back was injured during his last tour and he cannot wear his body armor for more than a few minutes. There are many other things he can no longer do like he used to because of it and yet he is still being sent over. I'm 800 miles from anything familiar and about to be without my spouse. Do I like being a military wife? NO! I'd rather go back to being a stupid, ignorant civilian. After what he has gone through, my husband is no longer proud of what he has done in the service, it's just a paycheck to him. I guess this makes us the odd men out so to speak. We're not happy with the way things are going and we can't wait to get out.

[Mrs. McCoy]

I too married into the military without much prior experience; both of my grandfathers, and 3 of my uncles were military but it never really affected me. My husband and I were friends in high school and stayed in conntact after he was sent over seas after basic. He was there for 2 years and for 1 of those years we were engaged (whole other story) Now we are in some really small town that has had very little exposure to Navy and they all just assume that he is ALWAYS on a boat and "where do they go?" "what does the Navy do out here where there is no water?" "Aren't you scared?" "So what do YOU do?" As if I don't have anything else to do but sit and "pine" for my husband. People just assume that a military wife doesn't work since apparently the military makes such "GREAT" money. No one gets it. I knew what I was getting into when I got married and, yes, I do get frustrated at times with the long hours and numerous trips out of town, but can you really be upset with someone defending your freedom? I don't want sympathy, I want understanding. No, this is not the life for everyone, but I enjoy it for the most part. I'm sure it will become harder when my daughter is older and has to leave all of her friends behind to move somewhere else, but again, an adjustment.

[ArmyBrat2ArmyWife]

This was hilarous! While I haven't gotten questions like the ones that everyone is referring to, I have gotten the "I couldn't do that" or "I couldn't be with someone in the military". It is a way of life and I was an Army Brat before I became an Army Wife and I had to endure my father being gone for long periods of time, moving every 3 or 4 years and everything that goes along with this "life". I wouldn't change it for the world though. My father's family has been in the military from the Army/Air Corp to the US Marine Corp. Been there, done that and I have yet to get the T-shirt.

I tip my hat to all the men and women that fight for our freedom and I also tip my hat to US, the spouses who are behind the fighting men and women putting up with idiotic questions and the "sympathy" of civilians who have no clue.

We pay taxes like everyone else and the audacity of someone to ask a question like that floors me. *LOL*

[MJLAUER]

When I wrote “Do you ever feel like an animal at the zoo?” (originally written as a post in the military spouse discussion board) it was a fun reflection of what I had felt in the last couple of weeks of meeting new people at work.

My impression of these people is not that they are ignorant or stupid, but curious.

The entire post was spawned when my boss introduced me to a new employee as “a Marine’s wife.”

I had said nothing more than “hello” to the man and when the words “Marine’s wife” came out of my boss’s mouth he suddenly looked at me as though I were a mix between a delicate flower and a poisonous snake. The very next words he spoke were, “Has your husband ever been to Iraq?”

The first feeling I experienced was annoyance. Annoyance that this man didn’t care to get to know me at all or even to say, “hello.” I was suddenly a spectacle to him and not a person.

I answered his questions politely and at the end of each question he asked another till, by the time he was done, I had an audience. I, a typically shy individual, was a little embarrassed to have four people standing around me gapping at the answers I was giving to very personal questions. I sincerely felt like an animal at the zoo, especially since my boss stood beside me nodding her head with a funny look on her face, akin to accomplishment, as though she were the brilliant zookeeper who had managed to bring in such a fabulous specimen.

When I finally sat back down at my desk I felt exposed, and for the rest of the day I received funny glances.

I don’t think that the man “interrogating” me was stupid. In fact, he is a very intelligent man. He was merely curious about something he was not familiar with and didn’t stop to consider that his questions may have been considered intrusive and a bit cold.

It’s not a normal thing around here to run into the military personnel or his spouse. So, when it happens, I think it is a little like meeting a celebrity. One can’t help but start asking questions because he may never get the chance to do it again. In their hast to gain knowledge they don’t truly consider that they are talking to an individual.

What annoys me more than the questions is the lack of interest in who I am as a person.

When you look at an animal in a zoo you think of them with a divorced fascination. You gain your information and a good story to tell around the dinner table that night. You have no connection with them, no reason to like them.

In the last six years of being involved with the Marine Corps, first while my husband was active duty, then making the switch to the Marine Corps Reserves, I have been asked a variety of questions including questions intended to wound me such as, “How could marry a murderer?” or “How can you lay down beside him every night and not feel ill knowing he has killed so many innocent people.”
I choose not to answer these questions because the people who ask them don’t truly care for the answer. They only want to see a look of pain on my face so that they can feel they have crossed some kind of finish line in their personal quest to insult those who willingly do what they couldn’t.
I hope I disappoint them.

I am friendly and open and I don’t ask for much. I think I’m normal in my desire to be liked for who I am and not for my husband’s occupation.
All I ask is that one at least know my name before he starts asking me about my political views on a war my husband is fighting or how I feel about having to say goodbye to him or how many people he has killed. When I’m convinced he truly cares and isn’t just sating some kind of opportunistic curiosity, I’ll be more than happy to share.

MJLAUER
mj_stertz@hotmail.com

[kaylabug]

It's good to hear everyones personal stories and know your not alone. I am a new military spouse of only 6 months and it has been a BIG ajustment in my life. We have 4 children starting at age 7 and down to age 1. What has been hard for me is when people call and ask for my husband and I tell them he is away in the Army they say "oh I am so sorry" I don't want people to be sorry for me and my family. Although things are tough and I have had to quit my job to take care of our house and children I am so proud of my husband. I tell them don't be sorry be proud of the men and women who keep you free to make those statements! We now make less money to support us and scrap to pay the bills but the pride, honor, and freedom it has brought us are priceless. I have the deepest respect for all military spouse as I have learned to fast it is one of the hardest jobs there is even if you barley have time to leave the house. Just keep supporting each other some times its all we have.

[Stacy]

Im soon to be a Marine wife come Aug 07. I have to agree I'm also tired of the gaking and ooo and awing... I don't need people to feel sorry for me or think that they in anyway understand. I chose my path, Im prior USAF so I know the drill. I don't feel sorry for myself so why should they. Civis don't understand. There spouces go away on business trips too, sometime for 6 months - 1 full year. You don't hear a military spouce gawk and awe at them and try making them feel worse about the situation.

There gone, deal with it. I don't like feeling like Im some spectical, something that needs to be treated delicatly. Some of my friends are like well when he goes overseas we'll try and not have our husbands and boyfriends around us when we go out. WTF. Im not and invelide, or on anti depressents. I love my friends, but they need to leave it alone

[Daryl]

I am an ex-Army OIF vet who is married a lovely wife who is in the Air Force. Both of us have been deployed at one time or another if not at the same time. I guess I have the unique perspective of having been on both sides of the military member/dependant fence. My personal opinion is that if you have never been deployed or have been married a military member who has been deployed, well then you don't really have much to say about the subject, now do you? My best advice is to just let these questions and uninformed comments go into one ear and out the other. You will just drive yourself crazy if you don't. Having said all of that, my big issue is that I feel sorta like a social outcast because I'm a husband married to a wife who is in the military. For some strange reason it seems that civlian folks don't know what to really say when I tell them this. I also feel like I stick out like a sore thumb whenever I go to a family readiness group meeting or to my wife's spouses club because I'm the only guy there. I'll just have to adhust....after all that's what us military spouses are good at.

[you know the drill]

I am looking all over for my Super woman T-shirt. My issues with military life are the infiltration systems in place and what is safe and what is not and where the "Family Government" works, because the capabilities are enormous and more so than other government branches.
Thinking of all the possibilities, it can be hard to know where to stand, on the bottom line, because it could be a threat to the whole system of operations. Of course we must hope for the good for all mankind, but it doesn't always measure up that way. I feel like I have really seen some things lately that are noteworthy, having to do with these branches.
It's an "About Face"!,
or face to face.

[Dawn Chere]

My mother and I have been reading your postings and would like to say that we have greatly appreciated all that you have said. Mom was a Marine wife and then I became one. Daddy retired and mine only did his four years. But We can relate to all that you have said. And yes there are those that say the stupidiest things out of ignorance. But remember they say things like that even to other civilians in certain lines of work. Mom used to be in child care and had someone say "I can't see how you take care of (put up with) other peoples children". If you don't love the job you can't do it.

[Brandie]

I have been a navy spouse for almost 4 years now. It is not an easy lifestyle, but it is what I chose to do, so you just adjust and make it work. I work at home and talk to many people all over the US everyday. When they find out I am a military spouse, they automatically assume he is not here. I have to say I am one of the lucy ones whos spouse hasn't had to leave. These people just give you a pity party.
I do have a brother in the Marines and a brother in law who was in the Marines. They both went to Iraq. I know that it is hard.

[Bratbride]

OMG! I just read the caged milspouse- I just have to say that the one comment that just about did me in during time apart was: I dont know how you do it!!? They think they are complimenting you- but they are actually saying words that your brain connects as doubt- like we do not have the ability to handle it all... do my friends/acquaintances think that little of me that they doubt I could get through this without drowning? Hmm- time for new friends!

[Andria]

I just want to say that while I get the same questions being an Army wife, they are asked of all hazardous jobs. My sister is married to a Policeman and she gets asked the same kind of things. Before you jump on someone it may not seem like a dumb question to them. while the questions about death and shootings are not appropriate, the other questions are asked cause the person may really want to know. Maybe the real question isnt I dont know how you do it, but how can I be as strong as you are. it takes a strong, independant person to be a military spouse, maybe these people who ask really want to know how you do it, cause in their mind they cant. dont be rude in answering because that just cheapens everything your spouse works for. If you dont want to answer, just say "I would rather not talk about that". Does it really hurt to say "yes, we do miss him" when your asked if you miss your spouse. If the person is rude, that doesn't give you the right to be rude back. Remember your kids are watching. God bless all the men and women who risk their lives for others, the soldiers, sailors, airman, marines, police, fireman, EMTs, hospital personel etc... The military doesnt have a monopoly on pride.

[to sir blue]

That's a ten-four on that one ;)
- Over.

[spouseinlimbo]

I just want to comment on all I have read... Many different points of view on this page :o) First of all my husband started out in the ANG then transferred to a reserve unit that was depolying, gone 14 months total with that unit... Came home, 2 months later, went active, is stationed 7 1/2 hrs away from where I live with our 2 children, 2 months after being there, was redeployed to Iraq for a 2nd time, he just got home from this deployment was gone a year... I'm still living 7 1/2 hrs away from where he is stationed, because of financial reasons & because I can't find a place to rent that allows animals... So I have never had the experience of being in the military envoriment around posts... So It's very common for me to hear almost all of the comments posted here... The one that I usually hear the most is "what's going to happen if he dies while being deployed?" I ususally comment back that he is doing what he volunteered to do, what he loves to do, this is the way of life he chose, if something were to happen to him while on deployment, at least he got to do what he loved to do.." And this is the exact same thing he will tell you... :o)
I support him & everything that he does, as he does the same for me, but most of all I respect what he & every single soldier out there does... This is their choice in life...

[cindi_2570]

I truly don't understand the civilians who have the audacity to ask a milspouse, knowing full well that said spouse's husband is currently deployed in a war zone to ask said spouse her views on the war. Then when she begins to answer, she's interrupted and the Bush-bashing rantings begin, having bought into the very left-wing arguments as wo why we went to war. Which began to denigrate her husband's role in this war. She was asked not for her opinion, but as an opening for him to start in. This happened to me recently and I found it appalling and completely disrespectful to do and say those things. BTW - I didn't engage in the conversation - I simply cut him off politely and asked that we change the subject and we did. He hasn't tried to "argue" his point of view since.

[GARY T. JONES]

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT IS TO BE A MILSPOUSE SINCE I AM A ARMY VET. BUT MY WIFE WAS ONE. AN SHE WAS GREAT. WHEN I CAME HOME FROM MY 2nd TOUR IN NAM SHE WAS THERE AN WENT THRU HELL, WITH THE PROBLEMS I BROUGTH BACK. AT THAT TIME WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT PTSD WAS. I BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC. BUT SHE WAS A CHRISTIAN, WHICH I AM NOW. BUT SHE STAYED BY MY SIDE THRU IT ALL. I HAVE THE HIGHEST RESPECT FOR MILSPOUSES. I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A MEMORIAL FOR THEM.AND ONE FOR THE MILSPOUSES WHO LOST THEIR HUSBANDS IN TIME OF WAR. A TRUE MILSPOUSE IS THE GREATEST PERSON IN THIS WORLD TO KNOW. AND AS FOR ME AN MY WIFE IF THERE ARE ANY MILSPOUSES THAT WOULD NEED HELP WE WOULD DO WHAT WE COULD TO HELP. NO QUESTIONS ASKED. AN WE WOULDN'T THINK OF IT AS CHARITY BUT AS FRIENDS HELPING FRIENDS. AS WE SAY AT THE PTSD CLINIC WE ARE '" BROTHERS FOREVER" FROM WWI TO IRAQ, WWII, KOREA, NAM, GULF WAR, AN THIS ONE. HOPE I DIDN'T LEAVE ANY OUT. OH BOSNIA. GOD BLESS YOU ALL MILSPOUSES. GARY T. 100% DISABLED NAM VET.

[Molly Pitcher]

I do not think that most MilSpouses think negatively about civilians as a group...more that people are just using these humorous observations as a springboard for venting some frustrations that many MilSpouses share.

I also think that sometimes it is okay to generalize when you are generalizing about groups based on the CHOICES they made, rather than on something like the color of their skin. So, although I do not think that people here really believe all civilians are (fill in the blank), I do not think venting about some of the comments made by some people who remain entirely uninvolved in serving their country (and I would include firefighters, police, and others as people who serve, if not their country per se, at least their community)...it is not even close to approaching any connection with racism.

[Tanja--One proud military wife]

I have enjoyed reading through many of the posts....some made me laugh, others made me cry. But the thing that keeps coming to my mind is this...."at one time, any military spouse NOT raised as a "military brat" was also just a "stupid civilian". Do you remember when you drove onto your first military base and had all the questions....why do they salute, who salutes who, why do we need a sticker on the window of MY new car, what do you mean I have to carry around an ID card..I know who I am!

Having my dad serve in Vietnam, take a bullet in the back and live to tell about it and then losing a 19 year old cousin to a "training exercise" in the Marines, I have always considered myself patriotic and could not see a U.S. flag without getting tears in my eyes and goose bumps. However, I had NO clue about what it REALLY meant to be in the military until my husband was commissioned to the USAF in 1994. Having already been married for 7 years at the time, I was proud of him and agreed to take on ANYTHING to allow him to serve our country and protect our freedom. Little did I know that I would be spending many birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. alone or raising three children by myself. Now, 12 years later, I am still in awe of some of the things I have been tasked with doing “on my own”, but I think I am more in awe of the strength and ability I had inside myself to complete those tasks and come out a stronger woman. I know as a “stupid civilian” I would never have believed someone could even expect me to do such things, let alone survive them and be able to tell about the details!!

Anything new and unfamiliar is always going to seem a lot “scarier” than something that we are familiar with. As a registered nurse working in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, I always try to remind myself and co-workers that “familiar words to us are big, scary words to the parents whom have never had a premature infant”. We just have gotten so comfortable with the “routine” things in our unit that we forget the parents are seeing it for the first time….The same is true as you get familiar with life as a military spouse. The next time a “stupid civilian” asks you one of those “stupid, frustrating questions” (and yes, I have had MANY of them sent my way by family as well as strangers), please remember this:

• Every day offers a chance to choose either anger or understanding, bitterness or acceptance, darkness or light. And the choices we make reveal the stuff we're made of. By Robin McGraw from her new book “Inside My Heart”.

Military spouses are, without doubt, made of some outstanding “stuff”. Here’s hoping you will show your good side so you can not only be proud of your soldier, but also yourself!! Thanks for the posts…..it has been fun reading!

[Rae]

This is how my mom felt and to be honest, parts of it can apply to military children. Not all..but some! This made me laugh because I know my mom felt this way a lot of the times!

[TexasWood]

Yes, "Caged Animal" is just the phrase that goes on our medical sheet when a civilian doctor reviews our medical history: along with cant get a job because the cost of daycare cancels out the hopes of even having a ahhh whats that thing they call it when people get up at a set time and leave their homes each day.... ohh yeah a career. Also- doesnt play well with others- has 4 friends in just about every state in the USA and Japan, but no one understands why spouses are so keep to themselves. Next dont even mention struggling to make ends meet i would rather the government had a job waiting for spouses when we relocate than have free medical/ how many people are that ill? And finally ,but not all, can we as spouses please, get a little more respect- i am tired of peolpe calling me a civilian-like thats some other type of creature... OR is that what is says on the front of our CAGES? I cant see it from the inside!!!! Has your husband ever killed anybody in WAR--What, are you serious next question plese.Do you miss him when he goes on deployments- NEXT !!! and finally how many jobs have you had in the past 7 years of your military spouses career- answer 1 every 2 years- dosent look real good on a resume, but good thing is when i am finally released in to the world after 20 years when military spouse finally wants to finish I can start my first real job at the same time my kids finally get one. Signing off -not bitter.
USMC Wife

[Girly Bird]

When people see me with all my little kids, you can just feel the pity oozing out toward us. I am getting used to the comments, I have heard them all. I married a military man without any previous experience with the military. I fought it for the first 5 years of marriage. I would hate it when he was gone for long periods of time. But I finally realized that the military is part of my hubby. I love him and I am proud of him, and all the others serving our country. Good luck to all of you and your loved ones!

[Sis B]

People say stupid stuff all the time, usually not because they're being nasty but typically because they don't understand but would like to have something to say.

I noticed this the first time when my brother died in my teen years. Do you know how many stupid things people say to you when they know someone in your life has died? How about "Did he suffer?" or "Was it expected?" Or "If there's anything I can do...." which fades away with the pitying look. So I would commiserate with two other friends who lost their brothers at about the same time. We'd look at the "untouched" ones as morons, bumbling around and asking stupid questions and looking at us like... well... caged animals. The hushed tones. The awed looks. We didn't hate them, they just didn't Get It.

It's ALL the same.

Now that I'm a pregnant milspouse with a husband in Korea who I haven't seen in 8 months and crazy Lil Kim is setting off nukes, I run into the same things. "I don't know how you do it." "If there's anything I can do..." (cue pitying glance). I get panic stricken emails from well-meaning friends asking if I've seen the latest news report about North Korea. THOSE freak the heck out of me.

The ones who don't realize I'm a military wife ask the OTHER inappropriate questions: "Holy COW! When are you DUE!?" I'm not a person. I'm a stick figure with a bowling ball under my shirt. People gawk. People laugh and point. People give me the knowing smile, as if I'm in for something I don't quite yet understand (I have a 3 year old, so yes, I understand what's coming up). I get the uninvited belly rub. I get the "it MUST be a boy/girl because you're carrying so high!" No one ever looks at my face, or cares about my name, or wonders what I do for a living. Heck, it's difficult to get clients to pay attention to what I"m saying and not the constantly undulating beachball that is my belly.

But you know what? I can laugh at them. I can say Yep, I'm a caged animal (in a petting zoo). I can repeat what they say to others who understand, just as those of us here relate these stories because we all pretty much understand.

Laughing about these things doesn't mean we hate civilians. It means we're in a club they don't understand, and they sometimes say silly things because they don't know any better. There are plenty of clubs to which I don't belong, and I'm sure I've afforded the members of those clubs many an opportunity to laugh at my dumb butt. I'm glad to give them an opportunity to bond. :)

[Tam]

I wish I had thought of the question about cheating. It never crossed my mind. For so many years and so many deployments it never was an issue. We had been married almost 20 years and had a great trust. We had never been with anyone else. I prayed for my husband's safety while in Iraq. I never prayed that he would be faithful. Our military is no longer the same military it once was. Men and women are often bunking together. They are in a war torn country and missing their families. There are emotions and feelings flying around from the men to the women. This is only natural. One slip up is all it takes to destroy a family. Our Daddy and Husband never came home to us. He left us for a married female soldier. It does happen. The things that go on in the military encouraging promiscuity are all around our soldiers. If you think it was a stupid question, think again. I once would have thought so too. We do not get the military death benefit, but our soldier never came home either. After the lunch tent bombing in Mosul he checked out completely. I am still a military spouse, but no one seems to care. There is little help out there for the abandoned spouse and kids.

[Andi]

I think Sis B summed it up perfectly when she said:

Laughing about these things doesn't mean we hate civilians. It means we're in a club they don't understand, and they sometimes say silly things because they don't know any better. There are plenty of clubs to which I don't belong, and I'm sure I've afforded the members of those clubs many an opportunity to laugh at my dumb butt. I'm glad to give them an opportunity to bond. :)

Thank you, Sis B, for getting to the heart of the matter.

[pajkojlee]

I have to say that I can really see both sides of this since my husband and I were married for 4 years before he joined the Marine Corp. In all actuallity I have seen my husband more in the last year than we did in the previous 4, even with him going to boot camp, training and now he's in iraq. Hard to believe huh? I remember very clearly his recruiters wanting to meet me, and talk with me about the changes in the lifestyle. I went and met with them, they told me that I probably wouldn't see him much. To this statement I said "You do realize that I don't see him as it is now? He is working third shift 6 or 7 days a week. The most I see him is when I am going to bed and he is getting up to go to work. We pass in the bathroom." One of his recruiters then said "Well he will be gone for weeks and months at a time, you won't even pass in the bathroom." I said "Well that just means he's not their for another 5 minutes everyone of those days, but those weeks and months that he is not gone I have more than 5 minutes of time with him."

I have found that yes I do get asked more, how I feel and think about the war, and do I miss my husband. My answer to how I feel about the war is always, I don't feel anthing about the war, and my thoughts are that all the military personnel are doing their very best to bring themselves and their comarades home to those of us here. My answer to do I miss my husband is always I missed him more when we were civilians. I get the strangest looks when I say this, but its true. Of course I miss my husband, I mean who doesn't but I truely missed him more when we were civilians. I think it is because we communicated less with each other. Even though he is in Iraq we talk on the phone or through e-mails, but when he was working third shift we only talked when neither one of us worked. Also I keep my life so busy by working full-time, going to school full-time and hanging out with friends that I don't have time to miss him. I have always supported the military and would have joined myself had it not been for medical issues. Good luck to all with the rest of your days as a military spouse.

[mad dogs wife]

Needless to say, the comments and the article are things I can relate, too. I just keep letting people know that I am proud to know that my husband, 2 sons, cousin who was killed in Iraq Aug.1, 2005 and many other military personal are men and women who have taken the duty of making a difference for our freedom and the freedom of our future generations. Many of the civilians do not care until it has an impact on them directly... then I have people say oh now I understand. But until then we will just be left behind to deal with issues like our military spouses,children, etc. Only we know the truth about the military life... it is not easy but it is worth the efforts.

[kymm]

Wow, I have really enjoyed reading all of these comments, and I only wish to add my own perspective. I was in the Marines for 4 years. I married a Marine and was 8 months pregnant with our first on 9/11. When my four years were up, I chose to get out of the military to have and take care of our family. Since then, we've had 2 more children, moved twice, and endured two 6 month deployments. However, I must say that even though I have BEEN a Marine myself, am currently a Drill Instructor wife, have given birth to 3 children; and have been without my husband a vast majority of our married life: I have barely kept my head on straight through it all! I can't help but sit back and ask myself some of these same questions everyday. "How DO I do it?" The only answer I can think of is "I Have No Idea!" I am not the thick-skinned have-it-all-together MilSpouse/Mom that a lot of you are. To say the least, I am a complete wreck Most of the time and a pulling-my-hair-out-basketcase the rest of the time. I have been "in the military family" for about 10 years and still ask the same questions as I did before I joined. How do these people do It? The ooohhhs and aaaaahhhs in my opinion are not meant to be an insult or disrespectful, but rather, is probably coming from someone who feels inadequate standing with someone they feel must be so strong to have endured so many hard trials. At least that's how I feel when I meet people who seem to be handeling things far better than I do. The questions spill out because we truly don't understand. Sometimes it really is like looking at a new species of human beings with some kind of superhuman strengths far beyond the normal capacity. I rely on other people everyday to get me through the challenges this lifestyle faces on a daily basis. Phonecalls to my mom and sisters, and reassurance from my husband that when it's all over we will sit in our little house on the hill back home and watch the sunset fade away behind the mountain, feeling the great pride of all we have accomplished, is the only thing that pulls me though each day. And having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for those along the way who've helped us, took time for us, talked with us, believed in us, and carried us is what pushes me to try to be a better Mom, a better wife, and a better friend to someone who may be going through problems of their own. We all have our weaknesses and strengths. Lets share them and learn from others while we can. From a mother of 3, a former Marine, and a Military Spouse... God Bless America

[TV]

I am a 38 year old who has been married to a 24 year career Navy man going on 21 years now. I am also a Navy Reservist, full time mother of four and full time job. I fully relate to these kinds of questions. It even gets worse when they ask if I mind leaving my family and why would I want to be in the reserves. How do I feel if I get recalled and have to leave. I really get some crazy questions. But the thing that gets me is that all of us spouses and members of the military do this job for one reason...to ensure the freedom for our childrens future, how can these civilians not understand that and be greatful someone is willing to do this for them and our country. Instead we get stupid question and pitty which if you feel as I do, I don't want either. In fact I would rather they just said thank you or stand up themselves and be counted with us. I wish more of the people in this country would realize freedom is not free and a price is paid with the blood of our military. How quick they all seem to forget that. They should also recognize the sacrafice our children make when their parent has to be gone for every holiday, birthday, and any special event in their lives. The military does not stop for these things or bring the ships home or pull the men from the battlefield just to be at their child's special life events. Other jobs in life give you days off when you ask for them. Just try to tell the military you don't wish to stand duty or you don't want to pick up a gun and go fight today because you have your child's birthday party to goto. Can you imagine telling the Navy to take the ship home for christmas because you don't want to be out to sea that day. Civilian's just have no idea of the live's we live.

[Valarie A. McNeice]

Are you kidding me? I can think of a lot of reasons to refer to a military wife as a gaged animal, but it has more to do with privatized housing than anything else. A caged animal suggests confinement and limitations. I don't know any military wife that submits to either because her husband is deployed. My husband is in Iraq on a one year tour, with 99 days to go. I'm here with my two children, running my household and my law practice. The questions get old, and the sympathy is useless, but I am certainly not caged, and would never describe myself as such. A caged animal?

[Matrix]

HAHAHAHAHA!! I dont think this is funny though. You civilian ignorants should at least appreciate what the military families especially the wives who go through a lot when the servicemember is overseas. Its never easy not even when you're in a military town like the east coast where most people are such racist and unwelcoming if you're not a local. They think they're being invaded by aliens. Its never easy to give up precious times with your spouse. ANd dont tag every military spouse as "while the cat is away the mice will play" because there are spouses with instilled values in them...not like some people just waiting for grace to drop on their lap like most lazy people waiting for unemployment money from taxpayers including the military. Go and get some education!!!!!!!! duh!

[FancyFace]

Growing up as a Navy brat and marrying Army not once but twice (yes my ex is an army man and so is my new hubby) I have received several stupid questions from civi's
You must miss him an awful lot...
Nope... Only every night when it's the kids bath time, the kids bed time, every night when I go to bed, every morning when i wake up, every morning when I make breakfast get 1 child ready for school and 2 children ready for preschool and another one ready for a baby sitter so I can get the typical stuff done every day, IE clean house, laundry, grovery shopping, etc. and Still be able to spend my evenings worry free with my Children and answer the never ending questions pertaining to daddy.

Has he killed anybody?
How the heck should I know? Ask him when he gets back from the sandbox...

You poor thing... I'll bet this affects the children doesn't it...
Ask the kids... All 4 of them... Our 15 month old has yet to see her Daddy, Our 3 year old wants to talk to daddy all the time, Our 4 year old asks when he will be coming home, and Our 7 year old wants to be a GI Joe like Daddy... Because daddy is the true American Hero..

I swear, I will never forget the faces of my family at the family reunion when I attended and hubby was in BCT... Where is Dann??
He went into the Army...
You married another military man?
He wasn't military when I married him, this was a family decision..
But why another army guy?
Because I love him.

And my most fave stupid question acctually came from my father, My husband and I acctually returned to the US for a breif holiday when he went on R&R, and returned to Germany only to find out about 3 weeks after my husband returned to the sandbox that I was pregant again with a R&R baby... My Father when he heard the news that he was gonna have another grandchild born around his birthday acctually asked me How I got pregnant again...
I told him that he needed to take the sex ed classes again if he needed for me to tell him where babies come from.

IHonestly at times, I believe that my Husbands recruiter had it correct when he told me that My Husband may have signed the papers to enlist, but I was drafted. But those are the hard times. Most of the time I consider myself lucky. I have, at the age of 26, Had the chance to live in foreign countries, learn new languages, be able to show as well as teach my children about different cultures, As well as be able to say My Husband has a job that he Loves! He raves about what he can do, about the opprotunities that are available, And the fact that he is defending the Country he LOVES and protecting the freedoms of the world. how many other people can say that?

[Mrs.S11oydc]

I'm proud to say that I am a Marine Corps wife and a mom of 2 small ones, and I DO have the toughest job in the Corps...but if my Marine didn't have confidence that I could handle things when he was away, he would have gone elsewhere. So to all of you other military spouses and parents out there....we are the strong ones, and just remember how much it means to our spouses knowing that we are the ones who hold down the fort while they are out protecting it.

[Patricia Sullivan]

As a widowed 2nd wife, married only 7 yrs. I endured some really shocking questions, but in answer to one: My husband and I didn't love each other any less than those lucky enough to have many years together.

[nisee]

You know I respect military spouse, I've been there and people think it's easy with the benefits and the pay but it's hard to be everything and nothing all at the same time. Keep your head up and stay on your knees because your spouse needs all the prayer and support they can get.

[jessi townley]

I know that the zoo aminal miltary spouse article was supposed to be for commick relief. However, you have no idea how true and completely sugar coated that article is.
It does show a very brief and muted insight into the life of a military wife. If you would like the more direct and brutly unpolitically correct version please feel free to e-mail me at jessitownleyford06@yahoo.com

[LYNN]

I can just say hold your head high ladies, Educate yourselves, be there for your children, and do something for yourself. Weather or not anyone wants to admit it we are the backbone of the military community. We are there to pep talk our spouses through things that civilians could dream of. We are there to wipe the tears from our childrens faces because there daddy or mommy missed there birthday again. We are the ones who ralley and take care of other dependents in time of sickness and need. Everyone of us can tell a story of how we had to step up. I say pray for our spouses,brothers,fathers,cousin,sisters,mothers and friends. But don't forget the say a little prayor for the wives, daughter, husbands,and sons of our beloved family members. Keep your heads high our military are not the only ones who deserve a thank you. I say thank you dependents for keeping the home fires burning. Your in my thought and prayers.

Lynn

P.S Here is my contrabution to stupid stories.... My husband has been gone for 7 months he is air force and I am a career mother of 2 boys.
I work in a male dominated career field. I had a bank rep ask me if war changes a person????? My reply was Why does being in the middle of death and destruction while missing you loved ones seem to you like something that would change you. And my personal favorite is ....Why are you so worried about him ....he did join the military its soooooooooo horrible he would actually have to go to war and do his job, what did he expect. After the police removed my hands from the idiot's throat.... he looked confused so I straighten my skirt shifted my weight and kicked him in the private parts and said say something stupid and get hurt what did you expect....All my love ladies and gentleman

[Jody]

Hey everyone, thanks for all the hard work I know you all go through. I've been an Army spouse for a couple of years, have a baby and am currently going through a second deployment. For everyone struggling, hang in there, remember why you love your spouse and keep on going.
As for ignorant people and their thoughts on the army, I think my mother-in-law has some seriously messed up ideas. I know she loves her son and misses him, but after he was coming home from the last deployment, the night before I left to go to Hawaii for his homecoming, she yells at me for him not calling her enough. So I'm thinking to myself - what is he supposed to do say "excuse me mister bad guy could you please stop shooting for a minute so I can call my mommy?" Like I said, I know she is scared and misses hime, but I am his wife and if he wants to call me as often as he can, then I am not going to feel guilty about it, especially now when he calls and he can hear our little girl babbling in the background.
Once again, keep strong, keep faith, and most of all keep love.

[Ayleen Hammack]

Hello girls,
I have lived and am still living on both sides of the fence. I was in the Navy for 10yrs, just got out last yr Sept. I am now living on Guam with my fiance and two daughters. I got out cause of 1 bad divorce and 2; because of it no one to trust and take care of my child. I became a single mom long before I got out. I to was asked, "How do you do it." Not much thought goes into it you just do it. You don't think you just do what you know is best to defend your country. You adapt and overcome; and that ladies is what a soldier/sailor and all branches of the military are trained to do. I loved doing my job standing proud next to a man who does the same thing that I do. Just cause I am a woman made me no different from the next man. We are all parents who left our loved ones behind; and these civilians just don't understand the cost of freedom. I got out cause my child needed me, and I needed her. For my fiance its a plus that I am a former active duty. I am more understanding and totally know what is going on. I am not blindsighted by the everyday duties that he is required to do. He is a Master at Arms (Navy military police), and I am proud that he is defending our country. What job out there can be more rewarding than that. It's a selfless job, making a living for your family; and defending freedom for our country. I really wish all those "dumb" civilians could see it that way. So all you sisters out there preach on!!!