A Blast From the Past

A while back, I read a very funny posting on a military.com discussion board, and I wrote about it on SpouseBUZZ. The posting was written by a Marine wife whose name is MJ Lauer. Today, it's receiving a lot of attention and there are some great new comments on the thread. Check it out, read the new comments and join the discussion.

Comments

[sgtgraveswife]

I totally agree with this as far as what civilans say and think. While there are a great number of spouses who are not faithful while their husbands are deployed, there are a number who are. Unfortunately its a stereotype that is given to military spouses. Another stereotype is that when a military spouse does not work while her husband is deployed, she is sucking up money from the "working civilans". Little do these civilians know that a military wife is the toughest job in the military. She is working longer hours and doing a much harder job than ever given credit for. While it is very difficult having your husband away for a year, in a place where he is dodging bullets and IED's just so that these people can express their views and opinions freely, A military wife sits back, does her job and is very proud of her husband for what he does.

[MJLAUER]

When I wrote “Do you ever feel like an animal at the zoo?” (originally written as a post in the military spouse discussion board where Andi found it and put it in her blog (which I am very happy for :-) ) it was a fun reflection of what I had felt in the last couple of weeks of meeting new people at work.

My impression of these people is not that they are ignorant or stupid, but curious.

The entire post was spawned when my boss introduced me to a new employee as “a Marine’s wife.”

I had said nothing more than “hello” to the man and when the words “Marine’s wife” came out of my boss’s mouth he suddenly looked at me as though I were a mix between a delicate flower and a poisonous snake. The very next words he spoke were, “Has your husband ever been to Iraq?”

The first feeling I experienced was annoyance. Annoyance that this man didn’t care to get to know me at all or even to say, “hello.” I was suddenly a spectacle to him and not a person.

I answered his questions politely and at the end of each question he asked another till, by the time he was done, I had an audience. I, a typically shy individual, was a little embarrassed to have four people standing around me gapping at the answers I was giving to very personal questions. I sincerely felt like an animal at the zoo, especially since my boss stood beside me nodding her head with a funny look on her face, akin to accomplishment, as though she were the brilliant zookeeper who had managed to bring in such a fabulous specimen.

When I finally sat back down at my desk I felt exposed, and for the rest of the day I received funny glances.

I don’t think that the man “interrogating” me was stupid. In fact, he is a very intelligent man. He was merely curious about something he was not familiar with and didn’t stop to consider that his questions may have been considered intrusive and a bit cold.

It’s not a normal thing around here to run into the military personnel or his spouse. So, when it happens, I think it is a little like meeting a celebrity. One can’t help but start asking questions because he may never get the chance to do it again. In their hast to gain knowledge they don’t truly consider that they are talking to an individual.

What annoys me more than the questions is the lack of interest in who I am as a person.

When you look at an animal in a zoo you think of them with a divorced fascination. You gain your information and a good story to tell around the dinner table that night. You have no connection with them, no reason to like them.

In the last six years of being involved with the Marine Corps, first while my husband was active duty, then making the switch to the Marine Corps Reserves, I have been asked a variety of questions including questions intended to wound me such as, “How could marry a murderer?” or “How can you lay down beside him every night and not feel ill knowing he has killed so many innocent people.”
I choose not to answer these questions because the people who ask them don’t truly care for the answer. They only want to see a look of pain on my face so that they can feel they have crossed some kind of finish line in their personal quest to insult those who willingly do what they couldn’t.
I hope I disappoint them.

I am friendly and open and I don’t ask for much. I think I’m normal in my desire to be liked for who I am and not for my husband’s occupation.
All I ask is that one at least know my name before he starts asking me about my political views on a war my husband is fighting or how I feel about having to say goodbye to him or how many people he has killed. When I’m convinced he truly cares and isn’t just sating some kind of opportunistic curiosity, I’ll be more than happy to share.

MJLAUER
mj_stertz@hotmail.com

[LAW]

Since I am a liberal army wife... I have a whole different set of stupid questions from some of my liberal friends/co bloggers on various sites. I tell them that my husband is NOT a some rightwing fascist who is out there killing everything that moves. He has a job, a career that he is proud of. Then, they decide that I cannot be a true liberal if I am married to him. after all, in order to support the troops, you have to support the war. NOT! I have been slowly educating them that this is NOT true The rightwing types (including a bunch of military wives, if we are going to be honest here) call me all kinds of things, traitor, and others...

The other stupid questions, the has he killed anyone... how do I feel?... am I lonely..... I ignore. Stupid people are just stupid and will remain so. I couldn't give a crap about their opinion. I know who I am, and what I am. I'm a busy woman, taking care of a home so my husband can do what he needs to do, doing what I can to support my friends and fellow military family members in a non military community, where a man in uniform is pointed at and whispered about.

LAW

[Carrie]

I am a new military spouse, and I'm concerned that I won't encounter any like-minded people! I'm pretty liberal, am an Atheist, and do not plan on having children. We're PCS-ing to Ramstein, and I'm hoping to find some friends! What should I do?