Something About that Uniform...

It's the oldest cliche in the book..."There's just something about a man in uniform."  These days, there must be something about those ladies in uniform too because I have seen more than my fair share of guys going gaa-gaa over the gals in their military best.

But, after marrying Hubs, I often wondered where my respect, love, admiration and awe for those who volunteered to protect our nation came from first.  I had all those warm, fuzzy feelings long before I actually had Class A's hanging in my closet.  Hubs knows exactly those in his life who influenced his decision to enlist.  I had to wonder if there were similar people in my life who influenced me to love those troops and to love one more than all the rest.

A little searching and I think I found my answer...

An Idea Whose Time Has Come

Have you ever seen something and said to yourself, "Man!  I wish I'd thought of that!"  I have often wondered how to do just what Richard Glasgow did. 

Now I know!

If you click here, you will too.

Be Sweet to a Marine

Here's how. Yummy.

Go On, Take the Money and Run

Blogs are a funny thing. Over a year ago, something remarkable happened. Someone started leaving comments on posts that I had written on my personal blog. Soon, I found that my husband and the commenter were related by marriage, though they had never met. This man was also a Vietnam veteran who had retired from the Army. He and his wife came to Washington and stayed a few days with my husband and I. It's a small world after all.

This couple had a grandson who was deployed to Iraq with a National Guard unit. The soldier had been married for a short time before he deployed. I spoke to his grandmother after he returned, and I was dismayed to hear that when he redeployed, he came home to a pregnant wife. The baby wasn't his. To add fuel to the fire, his bank account was cleaned out. Double whammie.

What a homecoming.

All of us know how difficult deployment is on a marriage, even the most solid of marriages. Adultery is as much a reality in the military community as it is outside of the community. And of course, it's a two-way street.

For purposes of this post, let's focus on the spouse who cheats while the service member is deployed, and assume that the service member is an upstanding spouse. Cheating on your spouse while he/she is in the middle of a war zone is bad enough, but couple that with taking his/her money, and you have the most selfish of acts taking place. No doubt in most cases, the betrayal causes the most pain, but I would assume that having some financial stability would ease the blow somewhat, or at least stop it from being compounded. Our troops are risking everything in Afghanistan, Iraq and other places, and the tax-free money that they earn is but one small benefit that they deserve. It's easy to place the blame on the situation -- war -- but I place the blame squarely on the people who made choices, the wrong choices.

In the case of my distant cousin by marriage, whom I've never met, his wife was free to do with her body what she wanted  had the freedom to chose what she wanted to do with her body, and she made her choice, but the money that she spent on self-indulgence was earned, in the most difficult way imaginable, by the man who trusted her to responsibly manage their finances while he was away defending his country. I doubt he ever imagined that he would return home to such a personal and financial crisis. Yes, this type of thing happens everyday, in all walks of life, but it seems to me that when it occurs in this environment, when our country is at war, it's particularly egregious.

What a tragedy.

The SpouseBUZZ T-Shirt Babe

Drumroll please......

Introducing the SpouseBUZZ t-shirt babe.

Dah Dah Dah Dah BOOM Dah BOOM Dah

Dah Dah Dah Dah BOOM Dah BOOM Dah

Yeah, I know, he doesn't look too comfortable with his new role as an International Sex Symbol, he just needs a little time.....

Got your SpouseBUZZ gear? What are you waiting for? Get it now. You'll be the talk of the town.

Military Children

Are you a military spouse with children?  If so, please come and share your stories with us.

These are some questions to get you thinking: 

* Have your children experienced a deployment and how have they dealt with it?  Have the military and/or outside resources helped you and your children?  Have school or daycare teachers and administrators been helpful and understanding to your child during a deployment?

* Do your children attend public school on or near your installation, do they attend a DOD school (DODDS)?  What is your experience with your child's education in regards to military life?

* Are you a homeschooling military family?  Share your experiences and any difficulties you have dealt with when relocating!

* Is childcare an issue at your location?  Daily and/or during a deployment?

* Does your location have an ASYMCA?  Has this service been valuable to you?

* Do your children have access to and utilize a youth or teen center? 

* If you are a spouse geographically separated from a military installation, what is your story in regards to your children?  Do the officials at your child's school understand your child's needs, especially during deployments or when your spouse is stationed elsewhere?  What kind of childcare issues do you face?

* Has your family used the sports or activity programs available for children on your installation?  What programs do you wish were available?  Do you prefer the military programs or do you prefer to go into the local community?

* Do you have a School Liaison at your installation and if so, have they been helpful?

Please comment or email me on resources that you find valuable and resources you wish were available.  I am planning a future posting on available resources for military children and their parents and I would love to have your input.  Also feel free to comment or email on any other related items or issues that you face in regards to your military children! 

Unlike Chicken, Best Eaten Cold

I have a hard time letting things go.  Some things.  Sometimes. 

Okay, a lot.

So, to set the stage, let me take you back in time to an era when we all wore legwarmers.  When Michael Jackson still looked sort of like a man.  When neon colors and Madonna-style net fingerless gloves were all the rage.

Yes, yes, the Eighties.

A Mother's guilt

My Mother In Law left here this morning.  She had been here for about a week and a half visiting.  I am blessed to have a great Mother In Law (also nice because I lost my own Mother 5 years ago).  I know I am LUCKY to have a Mother In Law, I enjoy and call friend. 

So for the past week and a half, I have let her spoil "The Collective".  I have a 4 1/2 year old precocious son, and a 2 1/2 year old daughter that lives in a ballet tutu.  They loved having "Granny" here.  Being spoiled is something they do not see much of, so I allow  many things I would not normally allow.  Like donuts for breakfast, ice cream sundaes for dinner, and toys bought on a whim.   I allow her the freedom to spoil them rotten because it only happens 7-12 days a year, if we are lucky. 

Well, "Granny" left this morning.  A sad day for all of us.  "Granny"  took a very early flight, because we hate goodbyes at this house, and have seen more than our share.  Everyone saves the heavy sobbing for they're own time.    So she tip toed into "The Collectives" rooms and kissed them both.  They have grown since the last time she had seen them, she is missing a lot.  They are growing.  So she stood in the doorway trying to memorize how tall they look lying down, the length of hair on foreheads as she brushes it back and tries to kiss them.  She hated leaving AGAIN, my Dear Husband hated watching her say goodbye, because it reminds him of all of the times he has had to say goodbye. 

Me, I do not like watching any of it.  I can hardly stand goodbyes any longer.  I really can't.  Oh and I promise you I am a stiff upper lip kind of girl, but even I have my breaking points. 

"Granny" does not want to leave, and I know this......and I feel guilty for having these babies so far away from "family". 

How Do You Measure a Deployment

The toughest thing about deployment...

Everytime I find myself starting a sentence like that, I realize the toughest thing about the deployment is...the deployment.

With apologies to Rent, how do you measure a deployment?

Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments of estrangement.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a deployment?

In packages, in "free mail," in garbage nights?
In calls at 3 am?
In miles, in timezones, in laughter, in tears?

The Career-Seeking Milspouse

Despite attending three universities, going on four, and having a resume longer than a child's Christmas list, I've been one lucky milspouse with respect to employment. I've always found employment immediately upon moving to a new duty station, and I've somehow had the good fortune of working for civilians who appreciated the challenges of military life, were not afraid to invest in me only to turn around and lose me to a PCS, and who treated me with respect.

While we were stationed at Fort Benning, my husband left for a year-long unaccompanied tour in the Middle East. My employer, concerned that I wasn't eating properly, would drop food off at my house, take me to dinner, invite me to her home, well, you get the idea.

At my present job, my superiors could not have been more supportive when my husband deployed to Afghanistan. We were hosting a conference on the West Coast one month from his deployment. I needed to be there, but they insisted that I stay home and spend time with my husband. Of course, my husband prefers a normal existence just before deployment, and I was needed at the conference, so I defied the wishes of my bosses and went, but the fact that they were sensitive to the deployment countdown meant a lot to me. When my husband redeployed, the order was, "we better not see you around here for a while."

I haven't had one negative experience with respect to employment. However, I've heard enough horror stories to know that my experience is anything but typical. Many milspouses face significant career challenges.

Andrea Peck, military spouse and writer, is working on an upcoming story about military spouses and careers. She writes:

The National Military Family Association

How many of you know what the National Military Family Association (NMFA) is? How many of you are members? I am. I have been since my first year as a military spouse but it wasn't until I became a volunteer last year and attended their national convention in Denver, Colorado that I truly began to understand what an asset the NMFA is to military families.

ALL military families. And servicemembers.

I would urge each and every spouse here to join if you have not already. It is a wonderful organization whose sole purpose is to advocate for servicemembers and their families. There are  very few organizations out there that have that pure of a mission.

From their website:

NMFA's Primary Goals

"To educate military families concerning their rights, benefits and services available to them and to inform them regarding the issues that affect their lives and...

To promote and protect the interests of military families by influencing the development and implementation of legislation and policies affecting them."

Just to give you a heads' up about some of the things that NMFA does for military families and servicemembers, you can go to their website and read about their accomplishments . I will highlight just a handful here:

Moving on...

We've got just over two weeks before we leave Louisiana and already I'm dreading the goodbyes.  Beyond PCS stress and logistics, are the emotions one goes through while preparing to leave their current friends and support system behind. 

We've been here for two years now and, though I really hate the heat and humidity (it's oppressive), I love the small town feel of this place.  That could be stifling to some, but I find it comforting.  I enjoy running into people at the store; the smiles and waves, the feeling of belonging when I go to church, or the kids' schools, and see familiar faces all around me.  I've lived places where I could run errands all day long and never see a face that I recognize. 

I've made some great friends here too.  I can always count on them.  Whether it's to get my kids on/off the bus, an ear to bend, a shopping companion, or to share a beverage after a long day, they have really been there for me.  While I know that I will find new friends, friendships need time to foster and the first few months at a new duty station can be a little lonely. 

I've found that volunteering my time with the unit FRG or at the kids' school is a great place to start.  Besides the personal satisfaction that often comes from volunteering, it's a great to way to meet people with similar interests.  Like I said though, building friendships can take some time.  Acquaintances are good for a quick "Hello!" and "How are you doing?", but in order to become friends you have to be willing to make the effort.  It's the effort required that can be intimidating.

Even though I'm excited about this move; our new home, the kids' new school, and the new locale, I'm disappointed that I have to leave my friends.  Again.  I just don't think that ever gets any easier.  After all is said and done, the move is the easy part.  It's the moving on that can be difficult.

Movies I can't watch

AFW's post started me thinking about the movies I cannot watch while MacGyver is deployed. I can handle the ones with steamy scenes - living vicariously is one way I am surviving this deployment. But the ones that involve servicemembers being hurt or killed? Not in a million years. Especially if there is a helicopter involved.

Blackhawk Down ~ hits entirely too close to home on both a professional level AND on a personal level. I can't even watch this while MacGyver is home anymore.

Saving Private Ryan ~ in the weeks before MacGyver took off for Basic Training, we went to go see this movie in the theatre. BAD. MOVE. Yes, I understand that WWII and wars now are completely different but still, watching THAT movies in the days before your husband of barely a year leaves for a career in the Army was not a good idea. Took me days to get over that and I have not watched the movie since.

No, I'm Sorry. Not that Movie

Probably the silliest problem I have when hubby is deployed is which movies I can and can't watch.  It's enough to drive many of my friends (civilian, of course) batty.  In fact, just last weekend my sister and I headed out for a night on the town (which, at my age - 32 - and marital status, means a sinful dessert, a movie, and in bed at the LATE time of 10:30) and spent twenty minutes driving the guy at the ticket counter nuts as we perused the synopses of available flicks. 

My sister was absolutely exasperated as I looked at one movie after another and pronounced them unfit.  What she couldn't grasp was the reasoning behind my yes and no answers - I said yes to some movies with steamy scenes and no to some movies without.  The actual story line was secondary, really.  And some movies are fairly obviously off limits for me - We Were Soldiers, for instance.  But not all of them are that straight forward.

So, to make things a little easier, I tried to give up some examples:

Chocolate News Bulletin

This may be especially exciting for male spouses with deployed wives.

According to my Battalion FRG Advisor, the candy coating on “Kissables,” by Hershey, is thick enough to survive U.S. Postal trucks AND the Iraqi heat.

Plus, you can't beat the name.

Haven't tested this yet myself...can anyone confirm or deny?

Financial Nightmares

A comment on another post got me thinking about the financial situations we sometimes find ourselves in due to pay problems.

Many MilSpouses have a Finance story to tell. DH and I were fortunate to have savings BEFORE he joined, otherwise we'd have had some nightmares, too.  We've also witnessed the money disappearing and reappearing.  In the instance that comes to mind, the military started removing the TDY Family Separation Allowance they had already paid to DH because no one told him he had to fill out the paperwork a second time at his PCS.  We had to deal with Finance at Ft. Sill a year after arriving at Ft. Hood.  Unfortunately the military doesn't pay you interest while they are holding your money.

You shouldn't be in this situation.  It is probably not your fault.  Since you are stuck, though, a couple of thoughts for those who find themselves strapped due to Finance moving slowly...

Who We Are, and Why We're Here

Many of you just discovered SpouseBUZZ yesterday, but we actually launched this blog several days ago. On the right navigation bar, you'll see a link to our archives, where older content is stored. The most recent 20 posts are featured on our front page, all others land in the archive folder. With 13 authors, it doesn't take long to publish 20 posts. If you're new to SpouseBUZZ, be sure to click on the archive folder, and scroll down for older posts.   

Last Monday, the day that SpouseBUZZ launched, our authors wrote "introductory" posts which offered some insight as to who they are, and what their affiliation with the military is. If you missed the introductions/first posts, meet airforcewife, ArmyWifeToddlerMom, GBear, Guard Wife, Homefront Six, Joan D'arc, Joann (who just joined us), Love My Tanker, MaintToad1, Molly Pitcher, RedLegMeg, Sarah and me, Andi.

As you can see, we have a pretty diverse group of spouses here, and we're about to diversify a little more, so stay tuned. Our authors have different backgrounds, represent different branches of the service and combined, they have 113 years of milspouse experience.

Last night, we received several emails from male spouses who were in search of a way, and a place, to fit in. SpouseBUZZ intends to be that place. All spouses are welcome here. Many readers have made inquiries regarding the absence of our male author, MaintToad1. MaintToad1 went on vacation the day we launched, but will return soon. I'm looking forward to reading more about the male spouse experience.

Poke around, visit often and please use the comment section to continue the conversation. SpouseBUZZ exists because of you, so your feedback is important to us. The authors of SpouseBUZZ are looking forward to supporting you in the "virtual" sense.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming....

Military Family Business Owners Offer

Military Family Business Owners~

Military Brats Magazine would like to salute you for your dedication and courage.  You are setting a great example to our entire nation!  Not only do you sacrifice for the greater good, you open businesses and help the economy where ever you go! 

Military Brats Magazine is creating a new section for all military family run businesses. 

Geographically Dispersed Spouse Support

Families need and deserve support, especially during activations and deployments.

Some spouses and families who need this support are geographically separated from military installations.

So, I wanted to share with you my own personal experience and also ask everyone to add questions/suggestions of their own...

EFMP...What is that?

As I was taking "Goober" to the bus stop this morning, I was stopped by a friend of mine who was driving down the street.  Let's call her Nela - after all, her parents did!  Nela is pregnant and due in December.  She was stopping me to talk about a recent ultrasound they had which showed the baby has a medical issue.  As the mother of a pediatric cancer survivor, I am the resident TriCare 'consultant' in the neighborhood for those of us who are military wives.  She wasn't sure about any of the medical options open to her and how best to care for her child.

What really struck me is that she had never heard of EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program).  For families with extraordinary medical circumstances - be it with the spouse, the children or dependent parents, this program can be extremely beneficial.  I pulled the following information off of an Army site.  It gives you a very brief overview and, hopefully, an idea of paths to take that may lead you to more assistance!

"The Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) is a mandatory enrollment program that works with other military and civilian agencies to provide comprehensive and coordinated community support, housing, educational, medical, and personnel services to families with special needs. Soldiers on active duty enroll in the program when they have a family member with a physical, emotional, developmental, or intellectual disorder requiring specialized services so their needs can be considered in the military personnel assignment process.

Family members must be screened and enrolled, if eligible, when the soldier is on assignment instructions to an OCONUS area for which command sponsorship/family member travel is authorized, and the soldier elects to serve the accompanied tour. This screening consists of medical records review for all family members, and developmental screening for all children 72 months of age and younger.

Soldiers are responsible for keeping their EFMP enrollment current as exceptional family member conditions change or at least every three years, whichever comes first.

For more information about EFMP, contact your installation EFMP manager."

Just thought I'd give a 'shout out' that this service is available to all active duty personnel, as well as Guard and Reserve - though I'm not sure if there are restrictions as far as activation/deployment.  If you know - please pass this information on to us. 

It's important that we let other spouses know this type of support is available to them!

Did you know?

As I did last week, each week I will post some "good things to know about."

Read this week's Military Report.

Topics this week include:

Absentee Voting Week
Air Force Unveils Advertising Campaign
Be Aware of myPay Look-a-Likes
Disabled Warriors' Family Education Act
Dedication Weekend for Air Force Memorial
Army Recognizes Heroes
Helping Army Spouses Find Jobs
And much more........

Other things to know about:

Your Opinion Matters
Are you a military spouse? Military.com is conducting a survey that will help us learn more about your career and education goals. Your opinion will give us the opportunity to better serve the Military spouse community. Take the survey now....More

Those Wacky Civilians

A civilian recently asked me what percentage of married life had my husband and I spent apart from one another. I've been luckier than most, but anything over 20% garners a gasp. Then a pause. Then a smile. Then, "oh, so that's why you have such a happy marriage."

Yeah, that's it....

In 2000, my husband pulled a year-long unaccompanied tour in the Middle East. When I told my girlfriend, a civilian with no exposure to the military, that my husband would be leaving for a year, she looked at me and said, "What do you mean he's going without you? They can't do that, can they?"

Yes.They.Can.

And the best worst civilians-don't-get-it story came earlier this year when I was trying to close on a real estate transaction while my husband was deployed. I needed a document from him, a document that was very difficult to obtain (more on this later). I tried to explain to the person seeking the document that my husband was located in a "dedicated combat zone", hoping that the explanation might shed some perspective on the situation. It didn't. I was told that my husband could simply drop the document in a FedEx box.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that? I understand the FedEx camel trots by twice a day.   

Civilians are amusing sometimes, are they not?

Takin' it to the Streets

**Post bumped up for the benefit of our newcomers. Scroll down for fresh posts**

SpouseBUZZ is only four days old, but we're hitting the ground running. We're taking this show on the road.

Military.com is sponsoring SpouseBUZZ LIVE, an expo which will take place on Saturday, October 28 from 11:00 - 4:00 at The Plaza Hotel in Killeen, Texas. This expo will focus on topics and issues which are important to military spouses. Below, you'll find a list of panels/panelists.

THE MILSPOUSE EXPERIENCE: A warm-up discussion about the joys and challenges facing milspouses. This panel will feature a diverse group of spouses including active-duty, National Guard and a male spouse.

Moderated by Ward Carroll

Panelists: AWTM, Guard Wife, Sarah and Mike

DEPLOYMENT A-Z: A "potluck" discussion on a wide range of issues surrounding deployment.

Moderated by Vince Patton

Panelists: RedLegMeg, Airforcewife, Molly Pitcher, Love My Tanker

OVERCOMING LIFE CHALLENGES: How do you deal with the often-difficult reintegration period? What about PTSD? What happens if your spouse is wounded?

Moderated by Andi Hurley

Panelists: Joan D'Arc, Nancy Nuding (wife of Dadmanly), GBear, Ft. Hood representative

We'll have more information on SpouseBUZZ LIVE in the coming days, but for now, mark your calendars and if you're anywhere near Ft. Hood, come by and say hello.

'The Blog of War' for FREE

Spouses ~ Is your service-member enlisted?

If the answer is yes, your service-member can obtain a FREE e-copy of The Blog of War.

[Simon & Schuster is] giving away free eBooks of The Blog of War, by Matthew Currier Burden, to all enlisted military personnel. It's a front line look at life inside the war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan by some of the best military bloggers in the field today. Read the powerful personal stories of soldiers in combat, med-evac units and hospitals, and spouses who must cope when a loved one has paid the ultimate price.

Just have your service-member go to The Blog of War e-book for enlisted members and enter the password 'blogwar'

Enlisted service-members can download the book beginning today and can do so through 31 October.

You can also read more details about the book here.

Happy reading!

Email LMT

Setting the Mood

Perhaps it's about time I introduced Air Force Family.  After all, I'll be giving you all sorts of anecdotes and stories about us - it's probably best to know what you're dealing with right off hand.

For instance - theme songs.  Our's is "The Addams Family".  Except that, being a military family, all theme songs must be played by a brass band with a Sousa-esque beat.  And in the middle of the song, there has to be a riff of an adaptation of Lee Greenwood's "Proud to Be an American." 

There are currently four children that belong legally to Air Force Family - three girls and a boy.  We originally wanted six, then the boy (a virtual clone of his father, apparently I was a mere vessel for the incubation of someone else's genetic material) came along and we decided now was a good time to stop.  Having three girls does not prepare one for a boy.  Particularly not this boy.

No wonder my MIL stopped at one.

The center of Air Force Family, of course, is Air Force Guy.  The husband.  The Daddy.  The fixer of all washing machines.  The despoiler of all white walls.  The raiser of the toilet seat.  He is currently on deployment number two - this time to Afghanistan.

Air Force Guy's job involves a lot of talking to people and a lot of manipulating various systems.   His interrogation skills have been the bane of our teenage daughter's existence.  For that we are eternally grateful.  And because one cannot help but bring the job home from time to time (or more often), a lot of our conversations sound like this:

Me:  I'm sorry, I forgot to pick up that book you asked for.  I didn't make it to Barnes and Noble.

AFG: You forgot the book at Barnes and Noble?

Me:  No, I didn't make it to Barnes and Noble?

AFG: So, you didn't feel like getting me the book?

Me:  Knock it off!

AFG:  Knock what off?

Me:  DON'T REPEAT MY STATEMENTS IN QUESTION FORMAT!  You do NOT have permission to use your tricks on me!

While our eldest daughter is the exciting age of 14 (the age, interestingly enough, which seems to correspond to the onset of alcoholism in fathers), our second daughter is only 8.  She is very tall, very sweet, and has issues with remembering the order of mass for an altar server.  She also has a tendency to only memorize the "yeah, yeah" parts of popular songs.  I just drove for four hours with that going on in the car.

The third daughter is tiny and blond.  She also has a talent for enraging even the most steady and loving of people.  Like Mother Theresa.  Mother Theresa never met my #3 daughter, which is probably for the best.  I'd hate to think she missed her beatification for physically assaulting my child while screaming out incoherencies about the Anti-Christ.

And then there's me.  I sit on the couch all day and eat bon bons while watching re-runs of Cops and looking for people I know. 

I'll let you know if I see anyone.

You had me at "Hello"

We've talked about how hard it is to say goodbye and we all know how hard it is when they're gone.  But what about how hard it is to say 'hello' again after a long TDY/Deployment?

When the spouse is gone for a long time everything changes and shifts in the house: who walks the dogs, who disciplines the children, deciding what groceries to buy (I've continued to insist on my Flush Brush and Scrubbing Bubbles shower 'maid' !), who goes to doctor appt, bedtime routines, what time dinner is served.  Life seems to take on a new 'flow' when the spouse is gone.

Papa Bear was gone for seven months this year on a very long TDY.  He was only in Boston so I got to talk to him almost every night and he came back for a weekend a month.  Truly, it really wasn't THAT tough.  But we did have three surgeries here at home during that time, the joys of being an EFMP family ! So, there were some challenges!  When he came back we were all thrilled!  Having him home was so indescribably wonderful! The thought of not having to carry the entire responsibility alone was such a relief!  Having a warm body, rather than a heating pad, to snuggle with was, needless to say, monumental !  It was also a complete rearrangement of our new family routine.

Readjusting when the spouse comes home is incredibly difficult.  And it's the small things you don't expect.  For example, I was used to putting the kids to bed at night from my bed.  We'd snuggle up about 7:30 and read a chapter in a book, say prayers, hugs and kisses all around - then off to bed they'd go.  I'd already locked up for the night and never saw a reason to go back downstairs.  I'd settle down with a good book, work I needed to finish or a good movie and be perfectly content for the night!  AHHHHH, life is good!  First night Papa Bear was back, I kept to my routine until I hear this low, masculine voice from the foyer, "Aren't you coming back down?"  Wow, wake up call.  Routine had to change.  It's not a major issue and I can happily haul myself out of bedtime status and go down to the living room and snuggle (which in the end is so much better, isn't  it?), but it's an adjustment.  Having to think about another person in the house and their needs, wants and desires.  Having to grocery shop for more than Mac and Cheese, pizza and corn dogs!  Having to remember that discipline is no longer a one person thing.  Having to remember to ask what the plans are for the weekend rather than assume you have it all figured out. 

And it's not just me, it's the kids too!  It's really hard for them to readjust to having two parents again - as if one wasn't more than enough!  They have to remember to defer to both mom and dad's commands, readjust their tummy clocks to dinner when Papa gets home from work and remember to come back downstairs to say goodnight to Papa!  Two parents checking on schoolwork, chores, Boy Scout progress.  In many ways, they love it!  In many ways, it's hard on them as well.

I have friends who are Navy and Army spouses - ha, sounds like the old "some of my best friends are Navy and Army wives".  It's true, but always sounds suspect! - anyway, their spouses routinely are gone for 6 months a year or more.  Hats off to you all!  This is not something we in the Air Force RDT&E community often deal with - although today it's happening more frequently.  It's a tough time and I give you all the credit in the world.

I've since found some great information at the military.com site that I think is truly beneficial: http://www.military.com/spouse/fs/0,,fs_deploy_rr,00.html. 

There is a lot of information on the web for military spouses facing the issues of 're-entry'.  Perhaps some of you have found other information, books or sites that you found helpful.  Please share!  This is the best thing we can do for each other....share the information that has been helpful and our stories of life as a military spouse.  If you know of anything that could help other spouses who are facing this issue.....this is the place to share that information.  And, for those of you who are dealing with this right now or will be soon, check out the information and let us know what you think was helpful!

A Roller Coaster Ride

All marriages have their ups and downs, but I'd venture to say that military marriages endure the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. Take for instance the story of Lance Cpl. Shane E. Kielion and his young wife, April. The couple's story was featured in a FOXNews special titled, "Breaking Point: Company of Heroes." I saw the special months ago, and I haven't been able to get April Kielion out of my mind since.

While Shane was busy cleaning out the rat's nest in Fallujah, April was at home, pregnant with their first child. On November 15, 2004, Shane Kielion was shot by a sniper. Thirty minutes later, April gave birth to Shane Kielion Jr, completely unaware that her husband had been shot.

In Nebraska, as India Company was at war in Fallujah, April Kielion was in a hospital. Shane, 23, was shot by a sniper 30 minutes before his wife gave birth to their child via an emergency Caesarean section. The baby's name was Shane Kielion Jr.

“He came out just screaming," April said of her son.

“It was the most amazing sound, you know, ever. And I remember, you know, laying on the table and telling the nurse, ‘OK … get the Red Cross message through. … My husband's over there. I don't care what you have to do — do it now,’” she said.

But the Marine would never receive the message.

“It’s pretty safe to say that, uh, Shane Kielion was passing over as his son was coming in,” said Lt. Col. Pat Malay, commander of the Third Battalion, Fifth Marines, which includes India Company.

Jubilant friends and family members anticipated Shane's call to inform him of his new baby boy.

“We were just waiting for a phone call from Shane,” April said. ”Everyone, you know, is like, ’Has he called yet? Has he called yet?’” she said.

After seeing Shane Jr. for the first time, Cindy Armstrong remembered: "I said, 'He looks just like Shane.' And he did. And he still does, to this day."

"It was a very happy time," she said.

But the joy was cut short when two Marines in uniform showed up at the hospital.

That was when April Kielion’s father entered the room.

“I said, ‘April, sit down,’” Don Armstrong said he told her. “And she goes, ‘Why, dad? What are you here for?’ And then she saw the Marines standing in the doorway, and she said, ‘No, dad. No.’”

“It was tough," April said. "I mean, it's like, how can you have such a high and then such a low at the same time?

The highest of highs, and the lowest of lows.

Family Day

"A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children, ™ a national effort to promote family dinners as an effective way to reduce substance abuse among children and teens. Family Day is celebrated September 25th, 2006."

Tammi, had told me about Family Day a couple of weeks ago. Note here, Tammi is single, and has no children, but she wanted me to know how important this day was to her.

I need to add here, that I do believe meal time is a great time for all in the family to look at one another, catch up, talk, and eat. My kitchen table is the heart of my home. My kitchen is vital to my family. We not only eat at the kitchen table, I write out bills there. "The Collective" and I color at the table, we craft, talk, make play doh cookies, play Chutes and Ladders, write letters to Grandparents, we even ask blessings over the table. There have been many decisions made around a kitchen table all across the World.

I grew up in a family that ate dinner ALMOST every night as a family, unless of course, there were church, or school activities that did not allow it. I grew up knowing this was an important time for families to reconnect. We felt free to ask questions about politics, religion, and our future.

I grew up in a civilian household, third generation of German farm immigrants who like to cook. I come from a long line of women who love the kitchen.

So, with a spouse in the military, I had some adjustments to make. When I married at 20,one of the first things I had to learn was military time. My Dear Husband would call a little after lunch, and tell me what time I could expect him home. So I quickly had to learn what time 1800 was. There was also learning how to eat alone, and enjoy it on all of those nights he would be away at PLDC, or other training. Not easy to do at all.

However, a dinner table with no Father or Mother present is pretty common around those who serve our country now, and I think it is important for those of us who remain waiting, to continue to take care of ourselves. My Husband has been deployed 3 separate occasions now, all adding to at least 33 months. I do know how hard it can be to enjoy Sunday dinners, Holiday dinners. Heck who am I kidding, daily dinners can be hard to survive for that matter. I think the kitchen table is a good way to start. I do not think it matters if it treating yourself to take out, or preparing a meal from scratch...eating together creates opportunity. An Opportunity to reconnect.

Some of my fondest memories have occurred around a kitchen table. So I hope you participate in Family Day 2006. It is a good reminder for all of us, to take care of ourselves, and one another. 

DeCA, along with Coke, is sponsoring a contest to win a trip to New York, and have a dinner with Sandra Lee of "Semi-Home-Made" from the Food Network.  Click on the link, and allow pop-ups to enter!! 

From the Mailbag

Here at SpouseBUZZ, we intend to have an honest dialogue about all aspects of military life. This means addressing the good, the bad and the ugly. SpouseBUZZ is an open forum and we encourage you to submit your stories, and your complaints. We are also committed to highlighting the diversity among milspouses. Milspouses are not a monolithic group of people, as this email from a Navy wife illustrates:

I saw that a number of the authors have children; are any of your authors child free or child less? If they are is it possible to get an a few articles geared towards those that are child less or child free. I myself am a child free professional women. I have found it very hard to find my voice among military families. It appears that so much of the support system is geared to the traditional military family (SAHM, Active Duty Dad, and multiple children). There is a gapping hole for those who do not belong to the traditional military families, for example single active duty parents, child free/child less couples. My husband and I find ourselves drifting farther and farther away from the military community because of the heavy emphasis placed on traditional families. I for one have approached my local FFSC (Fleet and Family Support Center) and requested more child free/child less activities but I was informed that we were a small minority and therefore less important. The FFSC felt that it should better focus on the traditional families instead of the non traditional. I would enjoy reading more about your SpouseBuzz program if it could make room and provide support for the child free/child less military families. We might not have children but we are a family.

We have three childless authors here at SpouseBUZZ, including myself. I can relate to this Navy wife on a number of levels. While I have never found myself as alienated from the military community as Navy wife appears to be, I have experienced many frustrations throughout the years. When I first began my journey as a military spouse at Ft. Hood, I worked in a field which required a lot of my time. I did not have a traditional 9-5 job. I would venture to say that of the married couples in my husband's Battalion, 90% of them had children. Most of the BN events were planned during the day, as most of the mothers were stay-at-home moms. Spouses like myself were often torn between taking time off to attend these functions, or not doing so and risking the stigma of being labeled "uninvolved" because we were continually absent from group functions.

Though it may seem silly to some who have never wrestled with this issue, professional, childless spouses often feel left out because activities are mostly geared towards families, and are generally planned on days when we are working. There are very few social, adult-only activities planned for military spouses. At least, that has been my experience. Of course, social networking is a two-way street, which is why I have hosted several adult-only gatherings, and I've found that most people were happy to come and engage in adult conversation. While I understand that the majority of milspouses have children, and they have to consider things like babysitters and bedtimes, I think it's important that they are aware of the challenges facing childless, working spouses.

My husband has always been supportive of my desire to have a career, but there were times when he would bring home a flyer and I would groan and imagine the chatter, "she missed another function." And, quite honestly, there were times when taking a day of my hard earned vacation and spending it with hoards of energetic children didn't appeal to me in the least. As you might imagine, children are a shock to the system for those of us who don't spend much time around them. It's not that we don't like them, we're just not used to them.

To be fair, childless couples are a minority in almost any profession, but I believe that milspouses apply more pressure on ourselves to be as involved as possible in the military community, something that I don't see in the outside, professional world. Pressure aside, most of us want to be more involved, we're just unable to do so as frequently as other spouses.

This post is in no way meant to demean parents who, in my opinion, have the most difficult and admirable job in the universe. Furthermore, I believe that most programs/activities should be geared towards the traditional family, as they represent the overwhelming majority of the military community. However, more outreach to adults in other situations would go a long way, and Navy Wife gives us another perspective to consider. I'm hoping that by sharing our diverse experiences, each of us will stop and think about what it means to be a milspouse from the perspective of someone with circumstances different than our own.

Navy Wife, thanks for your email. I can see that this is an important subject for you, and I plan to expand on this topic in the coming weeks and months.

Legislation for Spouses of Seriously Wounded Veterans

Two U.S. Senators, Larry Craig (R-Idaho) and Daniel Akaka (D-Hawaii), are currently pushing bipartisan legislation that would allow spouses of seriously wounded soldiers to obtain educational benefits sooner.

Under current law, when a servicemember is discharged from the military as a "permanently and totally disabled" veteran, the veteran’s spouse is eligible for education benefits from the Department of Veterans Affairs, through a program called Survivors’ and Dependents’ Educational Assistance. "The problem is that the discharge process for some individuals can take years. Speeding up the benefit process will help families and ensure a better transition to civilian life," said Sen. Craig, who chairs the U.S. Senate Committee on Veterans’ Affairs. Craig and Akaka have incorporated their amendment into legislation which authorizes funding for the construction and renovation of several VA hospitals (S. 3421). The change will allow spouses to have immediate eligibility for educational benefits when the servicemember is hospitalized or receiving treatment and awaiting discharge from the service. The amendment was prompted by a meeting Sen. Craig had two weeks ago. "I met with Jeff Mittman who was blinded after an attack in Iraq and is being treated at Walter Reed. He has undergone some 20 surgeries already and faces two more years of recovery while he remains on active duty. His wife Christy needs to return to school so that she can eventually earn more money to help sustain their family. But because Jeff is still on active status, under current law, his wife cannot access VA’s educational benefits now and won’t be able to for two more years," said Sen. Craig. "Our change will allow him to get the treatment he needs while his wife gets the education their family will need.  This change will be a win-win for all.  It’s simply the right thing to do."

For more information, visit U.S. Senate Committee on Veterans' Affairs.

Military-only cooking contest

Is your 'honey' a chef in the military? 

Cooking Contest

Got the right ingredients for a great dish? Share your favorite recipe with celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse and he may whip it up on an upcoming taping of his cooking show, “Emeril Live.”

Lagasse and the Food Network are sponsoring a military-only cooking contest. Recipes may be submitted starting 9 a.m. Eastern Time on Monday.

“I have great respect for our men and women who serve in the military,” Emeril said in a press release announcing the contest. “I also understand the challenges their chefs face stationed all over the world. We created this contest to acknowledge their hard work and dedication.”

The contest is open to active-duty troops who are 18 or older.

Recipes must be original creations. Lagasse will judge them on creativity and taste.

Details and entry forms are online at the Food Network web site.

The contest ends at 5 p.m. Eastern Time Oct. 9.

**If your 'honey' ends up winning, please come back to SpouseBUZZ and let us know!**

So close and yet, so far...

The internet is a wonderful thing. Before I met MacGyver, I dated a guy whose brother was in the Navy. When Desert Storm hit, he shipped off and left behind a wife, a 4 year old son, and a newborn baby girl. There really wasn't internet access then. Because of what he did, letters were rare and phone calls a miracle. He was gone for 6 months I believe. And for his wife, I'm sure those 6 months were the longest 6 months of her life.

When my Grampa shipped off to the South Pacific during WWII, letters and telegrams were incredibly rare. I don't know how long my Grampa was gone for but I am sure it was a long time and probably the longest months or years of my Grama's life.

This deployment...this WAR...is different in terms of the family's deployment experience. We have e-mail. We have Instant Messenger. We have webcams. We have Video Teleconferences. What a blessing it is to speak with my husband on an almost daily basis?? My children can see him - actually SEE him - and talk to him on the computer. No standing in 3 hour-long lines to use the phone. No 20 cents a minute calling cards. MacGyver, being the techno-stud that he IS, is in charge of setting up internet access for the people in his unit so that they can access the internet in their housing units. So, not only can we see and talk to him, he can see and talk to us in the privacy of his own CHU (containerized housing unit).

And then there is the saying, "So close and yet, so far."

So true.

Sometimes I feel like there is a cruel joke being played out. He's <-----> that close to us. Yet he's thousands of miles away. I can see him. I can hear him. I can talk to him. All wonderful blessings and I am so incredibly greatful for all of them.

BUT,

(there's always a "but", isn't there?) I can't hold him. I can't feel his arms around me. I can't smell him (given the 120*F heat, this might be a good thing). I can't bring him a beer at the end of a crappy day. I can't kiss him or touch him or watch him hold my children. I can't feel him in bed next to me when the panic attacks set in or a bad dream dares to set foot in my mind. I can't run to him when I have had a crappy day (see post below) and feel the comfort in his arms.

All the other times that he has left, there was an emptiness right below my sternum until he got back. Like a piece of me - an integral piece - was missing. That emptiness is still there but it is also accompanied by a weight that I cannot seem to shake. Even on my best days, it plagues me. Almost like there is a large rock sitting on my chest, trying to cave in that empty space that waits for him.

So I stay up late and wake up early in the hopes of catching him on line. The possibility of seeing his face and chit-chatting with him on-line is enough to see me through the bleary afternoons due to lack of sleep. I pack care packages and hope that he can feel our love for him over thousands and thousands of miles. I show my children the pictures I have of him on the computer and we talk about how far away Iraq is. We talk about why Daddy is there and when he will be home. We talk about all of the wonderful, mundane things we plan to do while he is "home on vacation" (R&R). We plan and plan and plan. Because it keeps us sane until he logs on again.

And then we go back to having him "so close and yet, so far" away.

Pau.

- hfs

New TV Series About Army Wives

Updated June 3, 2007 by Andi: Click here for more.

Touchstone Television is shooting a pilot for a new series, staring Kim Delaney, called "Army Wives":

"Army Wives" is an ensemble drama about a sassy woman (Sally Pressman) from the wrong side of the tracks who marries a soldier, moves her kids onto a military base and becomes friends with a diverse group of Army wives.

I hope they are planning to present a balanced, albeit "dramatic," view of Army Wives.  I think we MilSpouses might want to encourage Touchstone to do so.  Of course, I also hope it is interesting and fun to watch!

I know whenever there is a major motion picture or series about sororities, the international umbrella organization's headquarters sends out press releases and letters.

Unless someone already knows about such an effort in progress, I'm going to draft a letter to Touchstone...applauding their decision to focus on the spouse experience and encouraging them to do their research and avoid the easy stereotypes.  I will post it when I am done.

I think in this case truth is more fascinating than fiction and they would do well to realize that!  Hopefully they will produce a show that is entertaining, illuminating, and honest.

The Skinny on TSGLI

I did not even fully understand this benefit until now!

Injury Insurance Surprise
By: Tom Philpott

Trauma Injury Insurance Not Limited To War Wounds   

Service members, particularly Reserve and National Guard, might not understand yet how their military insurance has been enhanced to cover traumatic injury, whether suffered in war or at home, even while off duty.

The new Traumatic Injury Protection under Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (TSGLI) is still referred to as “Wounded Warrior Insurance” by proponents who pushed it through Congress last year with surprising speed. 

Most of the 2700 recipients to date are wounded warriors, say officials. They qualified for TSGLI retroactively because of injuries sustained in combat areas since Oct. 7, 2001, the day U.S. troops first entered Afghanistan.

But for injuries incurred after Nov. 30, 2005, the phrase “wounded warrior” fails to capture the breadth of TSGLI. That’s because any service member, active or reserve, who has Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) and suffers a traumatic injury can be eligible for the trauma pay.

A reservist, for example, might qualify if he loses a limb in a car crash while commuting to his civilian job. A National Guard member might qualify if she is paralyzed in a diving accident while on vacation.

Click the link at the top of this post to read the entire story.

Neglecting the call of duty

I want to know what you all think/feel about the following situation.  It is a true situation and it is something that sits in the pit of my gut when I think of all our men and women in uniform and the families that support them.

There is a man in the military who was recently called by his branch to deploy to Iraq.  This man (I'll call him "John") will reach his 20 year mark in the military some time in the next 18-24 months.  John is currently in a non-deployable unit and was outraged about the orders he received to deploy.  He called his branch, who would not rescind the orders, and decided to "drop his paperwork" so he would not have to deploy.  His reason: he has two young kids (around the ages of 6 and 8 years) and does not want to miss this critical time in their childhood. 

John also came up on the promotion list - he will be promoted in the next 6 months or so.  Despite the fact that he has dropped his paperwork and neglected his country's call of duty, this man can still be promoted and possibly receive retirement benifits.  So, while he's enjoying staying at home with his family, another servicemember is going to receive orders to fill the position that John rejected and ignored.

What do YOU think/feel about this?  I am not looking to bash this man all over the internet, but it is something that bothers me every time I think about it.  In theory, NO ONE actually wants to deploy - who would?  Yet, there are MANY, MANY servicemembers who do "want" to deploy becuase they believe in the military and honor their call of duty - no matter what their situation may be.

What is it about the Best Laid Plans...

Oh yes, they go awry. 

We have been lucky enough to have my Mother In Law here for a visit.  (Note:  I really love my Mother In Law, I am a lucky girl)

She has made the visit for several reasons. 

1)To spoil the Grandchildren rotten.

2)To spoils Dear Husband rotten.

3)To spoil me rotten.

4)She was taking part, in the memorial bike run for the 39th Infantry Brigade's fallen.  Dear Husband and his Mother were looking forward to paying they're respects to these fallen soldier's tommorow. 

So Dear Husband, has been called into for an emergency mission for the last two days, with no signs of tapering off.    (Please know he had gotten caught up with his work, so he could spend every waking hour with his Mother.)  No such luck.

The best laid plans...

Marine Representation

Join me in welcoming Joann, a Marine spouse, to the cast of SpouseBUZZ bloggers. The Marines will be well represented with this new addition. To learn more about Joann, click on her photo, which you'll find on the right navigation bar.

Welcome, Joann. We're thrilled to have you on board.

Semper Fi

Speaking of Military Brats

This post from AFW Military Brats in Trouble got me to thinking................

A magazine just for Military Brats came out in June and it is indeed called "Military Brats."

The first issue was available in commissaries. 

My children are still a bit too young to appreciate the magazine, but I thought it was very well done and provided great information.  I loved it so much that I put the issue aside in a box for my children to access when they are older.

Another great thing for brats everywhere is that military children who do not live near a commissary can go on-line and sign up to have the magazine mailed directly to them.  The magazine can also be downloaded, but know in advance that it is a lengthy download.

What a great way for military children everywhere to feel like a part of the military community. 

www.militarybratshome.com

Military children can also contribute to the magazine:

If you have a story or art work that you would like to submit.  Email your work to militarybrats@littlefootpublishing.com

Or please send it to us at:

Littlefoot Publishing
P.O. Box 6122
Watertown NY, 13601

The website provides much more than just the magazine information.  Go on over and take a look and then sit down with your "Brats" and cruise the site together.

Email LMT

USO

I'm on my way home for my high school reunion, and I ended up with an hour to kill in Charlotte Douglas Airport.  As I came out of the security check, I noticed signs everywhere for the new USO room that just opened on 1 SEP.  I decided to check it out, and boy, it sure is nice.  They've got leather recliners, a big TV, smaller TVs with game consoles, computers, books, magazines, and a ton of food.  The whole set-up is really nice.  If you're ever in Charlotte, NC, with some time to spare, I highly recommend checking it out.

Proposed FY 2007 Pay Charts

It ain't much but it's something.

Proposed FY 2007 Pay Charts

The pay scale for FY 2007 will not be approved until the end of September (assuming that Congress meets its deadline which is ALWAYS a big assumption).

The exact amount of next year's military pay raise is still unknown. There are currently two versions being considered by Congress. The Senate version of the 2007 National Defense Authorization Act (S2766) calls for an across-the-board 2.2 percent basic pay raise, effective on January 1, 2007. This is the amount requested by the Bush Administration.   

The House version of the act (HR5122) calls for a 2.7 percent across-the-board raise in basic pay, also effective on January 1st.

There are targeted pay raises scheduled for April 1, 2007 (appropriate) and, because they are included in both versions, the belief is that it will happen. We'll see. Like I said, it isn't much but I'll take it. I can always find ways to spend extra money!

Pau.

- hfs

Military Brats in Trouble

Our home is not a democracy. Now, while other children might have problems with this concept, our four are life-long military brats and understand very well that the whole “one man, one vote” slogan refers to “not us”.

We run our house on the military model. It’s just easier to remember that way. I make the rules and decide our “direction“ and “vision“(since hubby happens to be deployed), Daughter #1 is my XO and hatchet man, she delegates some authority and responsibility to the #2 daughter, #3 daughter, and cleans up after the son.

Actually, I do most of those things, too, but she is very responsible for her tender age of 14.

In any case, our kids take many of their osmosis-induced military lessons to heart. For instance - since we do not allow our children to refer to adults by their first names, it also seems only natural that they refer to active duty people by their ranks if they know them. So far, the two older girls can recognize most ranks on their own and the younger two think that “Sergeant” was a very popular name for children born in the seventies.

But I digress. I’ve found I do that often.

Respect in speaking to adults and the Air Force rank system are not the only things my children pick up by osmosis.

Last week my #1 daughter managed to get herself in some trouble. Not terrible trouble, I actually can’t even remember exactly what it was. With her age and red hair to boot, it’s a fair bet it had something to do with mouthing off.

As I launched into the mandatory spiel about how disappointed with her I was for that transgression and proceeded to dive right into the time honored parental tradition of the rhetorical question, “What were you thinking?”

She stood up straight and said, “[Last Name, First Name], Oldest Daughter, [Social Security Number].”

Now, I place these things in brackets, but she actually listed them off.

I had no idea what she was talking about. And I said so.

“What are you doing?”

“[Last Name, First Name], Oldest Daughter, [Social Security Number].” After this one she stopped looking straight ahead and raised one eyebrow at me, as if I’d suddenly forgotten how to tie my own shoes.

Oh. I get it. Apparently the kid thinks I’m interrogating her. And since we’ve told her time and time again that our house is not a democracy, she obviously extrapolated the rules of engagement to her situation.

I tell you, the things our kids pick up by osmosis.

Luckily, no one in our house is a signatory to the Geneva Conventions, and thus the problem was fairly easy to solve without involving the United Nations or Human Rights Watch.

But the kid does plan to enlist in about two and a half years time when she graduates from High School. She’s obviously a barracks lawyer in the making.

Military Spouse Survey on Combat Stress

Anna Stowe Alrutz is a graduate student researcher at Florida State University, and a military spouse of sixteen years. Anna is conducting an on-line survey for military spouses as part of her thesis research. She writes:

My graduate research is exploring issues associated with combat stress. Combat stress is becoming an increasingly important issue across the military community as our service members carry out combat deployments. The purpose of this research project is to better understand military spouse views on combat stress. In addition to understanding general health seeking behaviors, my research is exploring military spouse attitudes and practices related to service members seeking early care for combat stress symptoms.

This survey is open to all U.S. military spouses. If you are currently a military spouse I would like to hear from you. Please take twenty minutes to complete this survey which provides critical information needed to address these research questions.

During the survey you will be asked questions about your feelings regarding combat stress, help seeking behavior and general information about the attitude your peers have towards combat stress. You must be at least 18 years of age to participate.

If you're interested in reading more, or participating, click here.

PCS stress...

After all these years, I still get excited when I find out we are PCSing. That is, until it's actually time to move. Moving is one of the biggest stressors in life. I believe I've heard it ranks right up there with the death of a loved one and childbirth. We are currently in the planning execution stages of our next PCS. Which, by the way, I think should stand for "Pensive, Chaotic, & Stressful" in addition to "Permanent Change of Station".

The preparations alone can put me in a tizzy. The deep cleaning starts almost immediately after we receive orders. The refrigerator and the oven (inside, outside, under and behind) are the two biggies for me. I wrestle with decisions about when to remove curtains, pictures, and other items from the walls. Do I start now and live in the stark reality of bare walls or do I wait until a day or two before they arrive so as not to lose the feeling of "home" too soon?

We accumulate more junk with each year and each child. Purge is my new favorite word. I love the word, hate the process. I'm not a card carrying member of the Pack Rat Club, but there are times I think I'm well on my way. If you could only see my upstairs hallway closet. My oldest daughter, 9 year old MD, is definitely an official member! She wants to save every pencil, scrap of paper, workbook, and project she has completed since Pre-K. I have to tackle her room soon, but will be sure to do it while she's at school. What's that they say about "see no evil"? Taming the clutter monster is never easy, but is always satisfying.

Truth be told, this will only be the second time in six moves that I will be here when the packers come. That doesn't mean there's any less stress involved, just that I don't normally have to watch them dump (and they do dump) my stuff into boxes. Being present should actually be easier on both of us because I can keep an eye on what's happening, instead of calling my husband every hour or so for an update. Which I'm sure he'll appreciate!

Of course, having all of our belongings packed and loaded onto the moving truck is really just the beginning. The unpacking, arranging of furniture, and hanging of pictures is when the real work begins! Ohhhh, I'm so not ready.

Podcasting the BUZZ

Last night, I dropped by the Editor's Desk to talk about SpouseBUZZ, check it out.

Prepared

Part of being a military spouse, is being prepared.  Learning to take "short cuts" when, and if you can. 

It is September, which means the WorldWide case lot sale is coming to a commissary near you.  Check this website to find out when the case lot sale is coming your way. 

For our family this means, time to stock up on things like applesauce, paper towels, toilet paper, dish washing soap, hand soap, laundry detergent, batteries, diapers, and garbage bags. 

Dear Husband and I did this, before his 18 month deployment, and it saved me a lot of time and energy.  Particularly, with a newborn and a 22 month old. 

Having "extra" supplies, was honestly one of the best things Dear Husband did for me before his departure. 

This especially goes for The National Guard and Reserve spouses, that might be to far away to enjoy the savings of the commissary on a regular basis!! 

Check the dates, and see when your case lot sale is near you.

Also to those of you living in areas of the country where weather can impede a trip to the market.   I am a believer that EVERY house should have a 72 hour supply of items in the home to maintain self efficiency in the need of emergency.  September is National Preparedness month!

The American Red Cross suggest the following list of items be available in your home. 

• A minimum three-day supply of nonperishable food and manual can opener
• A minimum three-day supply of water (one gallon of water per person, per day)
• Portable, battery-powered radio or television and extra batteries
• Flashlight and extra batteries
• First aid kit and manual
• Sanitation and hygiene items such as hand sanitizer, moist towelettes and toilet paper
• Special needs items such as prescription medications, eye glasses, contact lens solution and hearing aid batteries
• Photocopies of identification, credit cards, prescriptions and important documents in a sealed, waterproof container such as a freezer bag
• Cash and coins
• Pet supplies if you have a pet or service animal
• Appropriate clothing and blankets for your climate

Moving Kids

When we PCS'd last year, it was my 39th move!  I am a military brat.  Moving is what I do - please don't ask me to give you my opinion on gardening or decorating....this is what civilians do.  I don't even do curtains anymore.  Let's face it, they never fit in the next house!  I blame my lack of curtains on allergies when anyone asks - which, oddly enough, they never do!

I have to admit, I'm really impressed with how quickly military spouses get up that learning curve of how to move.  All the advice that has been given the past few days has been GOLDEN - keep copies of those posts for your records!  Memorize them before you face the next PCS.

My mother was a veritable champion of the PCS process.  We always had our house together within a 24 hour period.  She is also unquestionably a saint!  I, however, do not delude myself that I am anywhere near that good.  I know that months later, boxes will still have to be dealt with and Christmas ornaments found.  We may not have Halloween decorations for a year or so either!  However, I do try to get the house 'livable' within 24 hours.   In this vain, I remember certain things...

It is your right to have the movers unpack the boxes and take them away!  It is not an additional duty for them, it is required in the regulations.  If they don't want to do this, that is unfortunate, but not your problem.  Call transportation!  Definitely a number to keep handy - they can be your best friend.  We always let the moving company know we expect the boxes to be unpacked, the beds put together and the empty boxes removed as soon as they pull up to the house.   If we can, we call them before they are expected to give them a heads up! This last move, we had them come back the next day to unpack and remove boxes - we were not their favorites.  But I want to get settled as soon as possible.

I pack up things in the dresser drawers in plastic bags and then put them back in the drawers.  The movers just move the bags to the boxes, easier for them and they seem to pack it more carefully.  When I get to the new house, I have only to put them back in the drawers and they are clean and still folded!  There's something about having someone rifling through my unmentionables that gives me hebbie-gebbies!

I take down all the pictures and put them in one area. I also set up a DO NOT PACK closet or bathroom.  I put all the things we'll take with us in this room and put a tape across it. I'm sure the movers all wonder what I'm storing in there - makes me sort of mysterious.  Also, and I know I shouldn't even have to mention this, I have the toilet plunger wrapped in a plastic garbage bag.  There is nothing more depressing than opening boxes and finding your toilet plunger in with your dry clean only clothing!  Always take your photos with you! Keep them with your important papers, video of your household goods, list of serial numbers, shot records, school records, medical records, any important x-rays, and the 20 copies of the orders.

Also, watch how the movers label the boxes.  We've had moves where the only things on the side of boxes was pots, dishes, fans, papers, clothes....it's amazing how bad the labeling can be!  Make sure they write what's actually in the box and what room it is supposed to go in on the other end. We had 12 boxes marked fans....we only have two fans!

Moving is like going to the commissary.  I always put frozen items first, refrigerated items second, canned goods go together, bathroom items, chips and breads....you know the routine.  It makes it easier on the bagger and on me when I unpack.  Same theory...just more stuff to organize.  A little organization up front does make for a smoother transition.

We had our household goods 'lost' three times this past move (fortunately, they found the shipment three times too!) and lived in a house with three kids for a week with nothing, but our valuables that we always take with us.  So much for the 'door-to-door' theory. We made it into an adventure for the kids and, fortunately for us, they bought it!  We spent a lot of time at the base pool, touring the area and planting flowers out front.  Okay, so I'll garden when there is absolutely NOTHING else to do!  I have three boys and the oldest two are Boy Scouts - camping and 'roughing it' is what they live for - Thank heavens!  We did bring the football for the stops along the way - they were good!

One of the greatest tricks I've learned with kids is to let them decorate their boxes.  I give each kid a new box of markers - somehow old markers just never are quite the same - after the movers pack up their room and they go nuts for HOURS - did you catch the hours, very important for any mom!  They each have their own mark they put on their boxes and they love showing their masterpieces off to each other and Papa Bear and I.  On the flip side of the move, they love watching for their boxes to come off the van and they can identify which 'boys room' the boxes go to for the movers.  It gives them a sense of continuity between one location and the next and they know their stuff has arrived!  It also gives them 'ownership' of their portion of the move.

As a military brat, I can assure you that moving is stressful.  I can also assure you they will survive - even sully, pubescent girls!  They may hate it, but they will survive.  They'll even appreciate it when they get older and realize they are much more comfortable meeting new people, adjusting to different situations and making impressions on job interviews!  I remember when I was in 2nd grade and my dad was transfered from Omaha to California. Though it was my 6th move, you'd think I was leaving my only home ever!  I was leaving my all-time best friend ever, Annie (she came right before my next all-time best friend, Jackie who was followed by Jennifer....... )  The cruelty of the whole thing left me balling in the backseat.  As we got to the middle of Nebraska, my sister (older than me and much wiser in the ways of the world - I think she was in 8th grade) offered me $5 to stop crying.  Being no fool, I took it!  Nothing takes away the sting of leaving good friends, but $5 can go a long way!

Kids are going to hate some moves and love others. 'Nothing too good or too bad lasts too long in the military' goes for kids too!   As you get older, it gets tougher - no doubt.  Most military brats learn to roll with the punches while making parents miserable and piling on the guilt. Kids know it's not your choice either - it's your job.  It's also not an excuse to 'act out'.  I realize this may sound harsh, but give your kids the right to respectfully voice their stress and a compassionate shoulder - but let them know that there is no option and they need to adjust to the new situation.  Obviously, this doesn't apply to kids with special needs who will need to be loved in the extraordinary fashion their parents always seem to have in life!  But, for the most part - life needs to go on and kids need to have their feet held to the fire.  At least, that was my dad's theory.  He and my mom took no guff from us and I expect the same from my kids.

Kids take their cues from their parents!  I love moving!  I love the adventure, the challenge, the newness, the chance to see new things, the opportunity to escape from having to redecorate!  I hope to convey this to my kids.  I want them to see as much of this country as they can, to meet as many people as they can, to experience as many different cultures and historical sites as possible!  Some assignments are the bomb - some places you'll wish were bombed!  I've lived in both.  Growing up, my fondest memories are of Knob Noster, Missouri!  I thought it was going to be an absolute armpit.  It was awesome!  What a great little town.  Go Panthers!

Definitely learn as much as you can about your rights, responsibilities, new assignment location and follow every word of advice you've been given in the previous posts.  But overall, learn to enjoy moving - you'll do it a lot - and pass this love on to your kids.

Get Your BUZZ On

I know, I know - I said I didn't shop that often, and truly, I don't. However, last night I couldn't resist purchasing this. Oh, and this, and this and this and this.

Get your BUZZ on here.

More on Moving AKA PCSing

This will be a long post, but I hope it will be helpful for the *new airforce wife* that wrote in!

I highly recommend going to any pre-move briefing available on your base.  Your husband most likely must go to this and spouses are encouraged to attend as well. 

I recommend a couple of books:  Today's Military Wife and Married To The Military.  There are many books out there, but these two books helped me a great deal, they have good information on PCSing and explanations of the entire PCS process.

There are also many internet resources available and I will list several:

Tips for a Military PCS Move, this list sums up everything you should do to PCS
Moving Tips & Articles
Planning your military move and sidebars for all things PCSing
Automated Housing Referral Network http://www.ahrn.com
Relocation & PCS Center
Military Lodging
Militarymove.org
SITES - Standard Installation Topic Exchange Service
For current $ rates on all things travel go to https://secureapp2.hqda.pentagon.mil/perdiem/
TLE, TLA, DLA, what's that? http://www.airwarriors.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5892
Military DITY Move Guide Quick Resources 

Onto my experience and advice:

Make 10-20 copies of your orders, you will need them.  If your husband will not be there the day of the move or the day they deliver the goods to your new location, make sure you have a special power of attorney from JAG to act on his behalf for the move (this is very important if you will be moving alone due to TDY or deployment.)  Be sure you know what you will be getting for DLA and what your household goods weight allowance is.

The joys (UGH!) of moving

If you have not read Andi's post "my first move," you should do so because she has a funny story to share and some great advice about moving (PCSing).  I write this post to give you a bit of advice so you don't make the same agonizing mistake I did on our PCS this summer...

Note to self (and anyone reading this): Find a place to live BEFORE you move!!! 

I consider myself a somewhat "seasoned" milspouse and I thought I was getting pretty good at the PCS thing.  Well, I was wrong!  We PCSed for the 4th time in May.  I thought I was going to make this one easy (easier) because I was getting organized (or so I thought) so far in advance.  BUT, much to my dismay, this crazy thing we call life prevented us from traveling to our new duty station prior to the move.  No biggie... my husband and I have lived there before and we have friends in the area we can stay with until we get a place.  So what if we have two kids who bounce off walls because they are only six and three years old!  We can handle it, right?  Can you say, "What the heck were we thinking!!!  Are we crazy?  Do we really need to add more stress to an already stressful event?!?!?"

Long story short, we are now stationed in an area that is not near a military post (i.e. no post housing).  Prior to moving, I logged onto USAA.com and found some great PCS checklists and other PCS related info.  (I suggest you check it out if you are PCSing in the near future.)  I also found that USAA has a program called "Mover's Advantage."  This program links you with a realtor where your are PCSing and you have a connection to the housing available at your new duty station.  Point: use this program if you are thinking about buying a house when you PCS.  Mover's Advantage has other "perks" if you buy a house from the realtor they assign to you.

Here's a "picture" of what our last PCS move was like:
12 May - Say good-bye to our friends, pick up son from school, start driving.  Get into St. Louis (we PCSed from Fort Riley, KS) LATE at night, unpack kids (and three cats), watch kids bounce off walls for an hour before calming down, go to sleep (about 2am).
13 May - Get up early (gotta love kids), pack kids and cats back up, start driving.  Get to my mom's around dinner time (I think), unpack kids, meet with my brother to take cats to a kennel, watch kids bouce off walls for a few hours, go to sleep.
14 May - Mother's Day.  Stay at my mom's and try to enjoy some down time while watching my kids bouce off walls in her apartment, send kids to my brother's for a few hours (while I take a badly needed nap), eat dinner with my family, go to bed (late).
15 May - ..... drive most of the day and finally arrive at next duty station (about 1am), unpack kids and cats, try to get kids to finally stop bouncing off walls, go to sleep (late).
16 May - blah, blah, blah... meet with realtor, check out one house (no thanks), try to entertain kids because it is raining and cold and we can't take them to a park.
17 May - House hunting day!!!  Drive all over the place, look at about 12+ houses (WITH kids in tow - they were soooooo cranky, as was I), .....decide on a house, call the realtor, make an offer, wait..... while kids bounce off walls (still rainy and cold).

Without boring you to death, we got the house we wanted and then chased our tails trying to find out where we could get someone to close on the house ASAP.  NOTE:  Get pre-approved for a loan before you move if you plan to buy a house - that is the one thing I can say I did do well on this PCS!  The best we could get was 3 weeks (until closing).  So, we packed up the kids, put the cats in the kennel, and drove to NC to stay with my husband's mom, sister and her family.  Another looong day in the freakin' car!!!!!  We stayed at my mother-in-law's for about 10 days, left the kids with her, hubby and I drove back to PA and stayed with a friend until we closed on the house (hubby had to report to work prior to closing).  We eventually closed on the house and moved in (all in the same day, actually).  The kids rejoined us about a week later and the rest is history.

I say all that to say this.... find a place to live BEFORE you move, get pre-approved for a loan if you plan to buy, and use Mover's Advantage through USAA (and don't forget to print off the checklists that USAA provides).

Why SpouseBUZZ is Here

To the Marine who emailed me that he was thrilled to find SpouseBUZZ because he was about to deploy, and was happy that SpouseBUZZ would provide his wife with a virtual community, I believe I deleted your email by accident, but I wanted to say that your wife is always welcome here.

Thanks for the heart-warming email, this is what SpouseBUZZ is all about.

What was that I said below about being highly organized... aye-yi-yi.